OakMonster’s Den

I no longer walk down Memory Lane. I’m running head long through it with a mission.

After having written about the missed opportunities back in college, I decided to see if I could look up those 2 lost boys in question and see what they have been up to, and all the while trying to locate some other long lost Trojan friends.

Thank goodness for USC Trojan Alumni Community! I could search through their database for people I went to school with. Some of them actually came by and updated their information. Sure glad I’m not the only one doing that.

Now I’m missing the days. Gosh. College. I was such a nerd back then. People always have stories about how they partied in college. I could count on one hand, like the boys I’ve encountered, the college parties I went to.

My insecurity and self-consciousness chained me to my study desk most of my freshman year. (Then it was the ex-boyfriend for the next 3 some years.) The only time I lost all inhibitions was any moments with Trojan Pride.

Somehow running around, being absolutly goofy for my alma mater was not embarrassing at the least! I would be yelling, screaming, painting my face cardinal and gold, leading the line doing “Tusks”, and wouldn’t care what people think of me.

I even tried out for the all-male Yell Leader squad without even knowing how to do a handstand, and could barely do 30 girl push-ups! All I had was spirit and energy. I couldn’t do any other things they required a Yell Leader to do…possibly including peeing standing up. But man, I was the best flyer in that group, being the smallest of the bunch. Actually, they used me to demonstrate doing calf pops because my being 100 lbs. was a lot easier. One of the Yell Leaders made a comment that it was nice to have a girl as a flyer–at least he didn’t have to be holding a pair of hairy legs standing on his shoulders!

When it comes to Trojan Pride, and my school spirit, I had absolutely no regrets nor shame. And those were the best damn moments of my life.

Despite the search highs and lows for some long lost college buddies, sometimes fate takes over.

As I was doing a research for real estate in Orange County for my boss, a familiar face was looking at me from a real estate agent ad in the OC Register. Tony Morris. Tony was my freshman year RA! He was our big brother. It was almost 10 years ago when he would escort us to the computer lab late at night, or to go grab a bite to eat, when he would drive some of us to the mall or wherever because we didn’t have a car. It was the time where we’d hang underwears people left behind in the laundry room on his door knob, and decorated his door with shaving cream, condoms, and more underwears for his birthday.

Again. Serendipity.

Elan, my stealth geek big sister, finally enters the world full of big, scary bloggers!

Elan worked with Chris at Earthlink back in the days. We met when Frenchy and I were on the sidewalk of Hollywood for Star Wars Episode I, she brought us dinner and offered up a break for hot shower and a nap at her (or her friend’s?) apartment close by.

Eventually, I recruited her over to HSX, and the rest is history.

I just finished the book, The Dante Club. In it, they mentioned that Dante has met this one girl and convinced that she was his soul mate. They never really spoke, and he ended up marrying another, but it appeared he continued to be “in love” with her, was inspired by that love for the rest of his life. On that same note, in this historical fiction, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow met a woman he believed could replace his dead wife, Fanny, but again, the passion was never realized between them as she married another. And she had been on his mind ever since.

And just now I finished watching the last half of Serendipity on TV.

Talk about fate, destiny, and signs!

Could that possibly be my sign? Did I have a serendipitous moment with someone I couldn’t get out of my head? Or am I to go on an adventure to find that one person I could possibly have lost?

I’ve spent times with as many boys I could count on one hand. Other than the ex=boyfriend of 3 some years, I only quasi-dated one more guy. The other boys I did spend sometime with them being a friend, what I usually am better at. Although, to think back on it, there were 2 boys back in college that if I wasn’t such a scarety cat about boys, and wasn’t so damn clueless, something might have worked out.

Daddy Long Leg.
Daddy Long Leg and I were up late in the common room, studying for different classes. He gave me a neck rub. When I finished returning the favor, he pulled me in for kiss. Massively panicked, I pushed off of him and announced that I should get us more coffee and ran back to my dorm with our cups. Hellooo. I had never kissed a boy before up to that point. I didn’t know what to do! When I came back, we were back to pre-neck rub, and went back to studying. We never spoke of that moment again. And we weren’t as close of friends we were before that night.

The Irish Footballer.
I ran into him one Friday evening after his soccer practive. He offered to walk with me back to my dorm. The Irish told me he was going to a frat party that night, and asked what I was up to–NOT if I want to go with him, by the way. I wasn’t doing a damn thing. But of course, I chickened out and told him that I had some studying to do. He tried to convince me once more, but I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. We hugged goodnight as we parted. I remembered him smelling faintly of Polo Sport. Sure, I could’ve just imagined his invite to “hang out” to be more than it was. But still, what would have come out of that night if I actually spent more time with the guy?

So yeah, I do have a couple of “What if” moments. I had serious self-image issues when it came to my interactions with guys back then, a result of growing up in an all-girl Catholic school, having 2 overly protective older brothers, and having always been great friend with guys. When a thought of a boy possibly be interested in me crossed my mind, it freaked me out and made me absolutely self conscious and therefore dismissed myself as being good enough to deserve any guy’s attention.

Obviously I eventually got over that issues. Heheh.

Other than those 2 missed moments, I had also been inspired by a couple of the past dealings with boys in my life. My first attempts at poetry/songwriting in high school were purely the results of my crush on the Golden Boy. (*Addition - almost a year later - it’s Grant. Okay. I’m mature enough to say it. There you go.) Mr. Popularity and scholar, way the hell out my reach but he’d say hi to me once in a while. (Yeah, at least he knew my name and acknowledged my existence!) And oh how that fueled my affection for the guy! Oh my god how I used to dream about him!

And then one of my very best songs was inspired by a guy friend who I had a feeling that he might have a crush on me. I’d never ever know that for sure. But the song is in a perspective of someone who finally professes the hidden feelings to her object of affection.

The only person I could think of that I connected to in a soul mate level, I hadn’t lost him. As the matter of fact, I jumped him, and I haven’t let him go even when he tried to break up with me.

And now he’s in bed. Go figure how that works out.

Oh yes. The good old story of Oakley’s determination to not let Brandon go. It’s stuff of legend. Ask Brandon, and he’ll tell you that he didn’t want to really go out with me, and that I ambushed him when his mind wasn’t in the right place. According to my account, he did tell me he gave it a thought to the possibility of us being together. Looking back on it, I think he was just trying to get into my pants. HAHAHA!

Yes. He was setting up the computer systems for HSX’s big Oscar party back in 2000. Setting up O2K took a lot out of him and other tech guys. Since they were in a suite on the very top floor of a hotel on Sunset Strip, I asked if I could come hang out. The boys said sure. So it was nearly 2 a.m. when we were finally left alone and I said to Brandon, “Hey, have I thrown myself at you enough yet? Let’s really go out.”

Brandon said he didn’t want to go out with me, but he was delirious by that point so he didn’t say no. And because we were friends before all of this, he didn’t have the heart to revert his decision the next few days, especially that it had only been a month since my break-up with my long time ex. So he let it go for a few weeks before telling me that, “I don’t want to be with anybody right now”.

I knew what he meant was “I want to break up with you”. But I also knew that I just can’t let him go. He’s it. I wasn’t about to give this up so easily. I’ve always play nice, and this time I’m not going to finish last.

Since he never actually said the words “I want to break up with you”, I didn’t acknowledge that statement. Instead I took his hands, looked him in the eyes, and said, “Okay, sweetie. Hope you have a good weekend alone. I’ll just see you on Monday at work.” He must’ve thought I was dense. But look where my perseverance has taken us?

I do believe in fate and destiny. After all, as a Buddhist, I believe in karma. My life has been laid out before me, but that course will change depending on my actions.

I believe that we can make our own destiny if we can get over our fears. Fear cost me 2 opportunities to date very intelligent and handsome men in college. Fear wasn’t going to cost me the love of my life.

There are many, many things I could have been and I could have done. I’m not completely fearless, but I’m hoping to eventually get over it. With the wise words from Strictly Ballroom as my guidance: a life lived in fear is a life half lived.

This truly has been a great day.

Brandon and I pretty much opened up the house to my friends and former colleagues so we can catch up. As fate would have it, it turned out to be an all-girl affair, except for someone’s son and Brandon.

We ate. We drank. We talked. We dug up the past. We discussed the future. We gleefully talked about everything from books, recipes, to the good-looking salt-and-pepper haired paramedic walking by (someone in the complex called an ambulance for something). We played American Idol, one of the 3 gag gift games from Zak, Irena, and Steve, and laughed our asses off. We drank some more. We chat some more. We went swimming. We laid out. We ate some more.

What a great time we had! Sure, it would still be as much fun with the boys. But I half forget how great it is to hang out with the girls. I’ve just been hanging out with the boys wayyy too much nowadays.

The ladies are all doing well with their new ventures. We definitely will be doing this more often, especially with most of us living in this area. Apparently, I don’t miss girls’ hangouts enough to try to gather the troops as often. But we sure had a good time together.

This group of ladies are truly amazing. Great moms–single or regular. Great sisters–younger or older. They are successful in business and enjoying life. They are all smart, brilliant, and funny. (Oh yes. Some of them are singles. Interested party please email me.)

As the last guests were leaving, Brandon’s friend Paul came to pay a visit. I called another coworker to see if he was still heading this way. The door would be open for him if he wanted to hang out, but he never called back. So, off we went to the pool again.

At that point, it’s USC 14, Colorado State 0 in the 2nd quarter.

Thanks to Paul’s nifty trick, I finally learned to float. For some reasons, I could never ever lay my head back and float in the pool. Brandon and Shane tried many, many times to teach me to float, but all it took was one tip from Paul: hold your breath and keep your stomach flat. Ahhh…Floating in the pool. What a wonderful feeling.

The water got too cold for this jungle girl, so I came up early, took a shower, and continued watching the game. USC 21, Colorado State 0.

I watched it through the end of 3rd quarter. USC 42, Colorado State 0, was a good time to turn the TV back to Brandon to play Star Ocean Till the End of Time.

No need for me to finish watching the USC game because, well, 42-0 at the end of 3rd quarter was a pretty good indication of the outcome of the game.

Final score: USC 49, Colorado State 0.

It’s been a glorious day!

**Update** Brandon called my “Escape from work” party, a support group. A therapy session. Well, I think he’s right about that!

Our good friend, occasional Frisbee golf coach, and wedding DJ (did that purely as our wedding gift…the heart this man has!), Zak and his girlfriend Tawny spent a few days at the famous Burning Man.

I wanted to go with them but since we were saving up the $$ for Thailand, it’ll have to be next year…or the year after that. Because, surely, if I could afford to go to BMan, I could afford to buy USC Season Football ticket.

Then again, that’s a hunk of money out from the “get out of debt and into a house” plan.

Yeah, at least I have my priority straight. Good to know I haven’t gone completely bonkers yet.

So much for the publicity they built for the project, especially the hypes about helicopter stunt pilots to intercept the returned craft for a super gentle landing. The solar dust samples are ultra delicate.

It must suck to be a NASA scientist yesterday when $264 million was spent on collecting 0.4 milligrams of cosmic and solar dust, and the damn parachute didn’t open.

Quakeless Labor Day weekend.

Farscape is coming back on October 17 on SciFi Channel. This is probably one of the best scifi drama series on television.

Well, they were doing well, getting awards, gaining reputations when SciFi Channel decided to abruptly pulled the plug at the end of the 4th season instead of wrapping up the series in their 5th season as originally planned.

Sure, as fans of the show, we want our show to continue forever, but that is almost impossible. So all we ask for was to give us the final season, a movie, or a mini-series of some kind so the series can end and exit honorably.

Through a massive worldwide efforts and campaigning by fans around the world, we finally did it. A 4-hour mini series was made to conclude the series. SciFi Channel will air it in October.

Anyway. The Save Farscape campaign is pushing to promote the miniseries on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. We’re making suggestions to have my *ahem* boyfriend, Ben Browder (Captain John Crichton) and Claudia Black (Officer Aeryn Sun) on the show.

You too can help if you want to. If you have the chance, check out the series. The premiere episode is usually available at Blockbuster. NetFlix though has the whole series.

Brandon and I went down to Huntington Beach for a couple of hours of sand and surf today. On the slow drive down the stretch there and back, we spotted several girls who look great in their beach wear or swimsuits.

Yes. I said “we”. I don’t have the “my husband has to look at me and only me” complex. He can look all he wants because in the end, he’s coming home with me. Besides, I am supposed to look at them already, and as all female adults know, women are critical of each other–it’s our natural instinct. So I help spot the hot chicks for the boys to look at.

Unfortunately for me, I only spotted a couple of deliciously hunky beachgoers.

To look good in a swimsuit, a guy has to really sculpt his body. You have got to work out to get lean and toned, to look absolutely gorgeous in your board shorts.

Girls on the other hand, as long as you are not overweight, anyone can look good in a swimsuit without having to work too hard at it. Sure, the fashion magazines and Hollywood are pushing for the nicely toned muscles. But as long as you have the confident and a pair of boobs, you’re all set. No workout required.

It has been quite some time since I walked out of a movie theater still immersed in my thoughts. That movie is Hero.

The story is essentially Chinese. The dramatics is essentially Yimou. The cast is essentially Hong Kong and China’s elites.

Jet Li. Zhang Ziyi. Maggie Cheung. And of course, Tony Leung. Can’t get any better internationally known stars than that.

I left the theater pondering the movie. More so, I was revisiting my past infatuation with Tony Leung.

I had the biggest crush on Tony some time around 4th or 5th grade. He was starring in one of the Hong Kong martial arts television series. (I think it’s this one on IMDB: “The New Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre“.) Tony was flying across my television screen, brandishing his enemy with the mighty sword. What expressive eyes! And that boy-next-door smile! Being the hero of the series also helped. After that, I think there were other modern Hong Kong soaps that I followed religiously.

Let’s put it this way. I was so nuts about him that there has been only one set of puzzles I’ve ever completed in my life: a 500-piece set of a picture of Tony Leung.

Then I dumped Tony for Joey McEntyre around 6th grade.

Anyway. It’s like my revisiting Tom Cruise. Suddenly the people that I once idolized are showing up in my life, and I’m swooning over them all over again.

Why is that? I’m blaming it on the hormones. I’m approaching 30. Biological clock has got to have something to do with it.