OakMonster’s Den

Mom wasted absolutely no time to show me what it’s like to be here full time.

Around midnight last night, I was one of the 4-woman team to carry mom in a wheelchair down our steps to get her in the car and go to the ER.

Mom was having difficulty breathing. She was taking shallow breathes and making a lot of gurgle-ly noise. Gob, the caregiver, got my dad and off we went to BNH Hospital aka Nursing Home aka possibly the most expensive private hospital in the country.

It was like checking in to the Ritz Carlton of hospitals. But anyways.

They are keeping her for observation at least until tomorrow when her oncologist is in the office. If it’s going to be something more than that, we’ll have to transfer mom to the government hospital across the way where she had her long term care earlier. At $200 a night, not including medication or doctor’s fees, it’s pretty fucking steep for Thai medical care.

What happened is that earlier yesterday, mom choked on her saliva and returned the homemade blend of veggies and broth they poured into her for lunch. Linda Blair ain’t got nuttin’ on my mom there. There was a chance that some of the food could have gone down her lung and could be infected. That was why at the first sign of her wheezing/gurgling, we rushed her to the doctor.

So far, the lung seems clear but just in case, they put her on some antibiotics drip already. She still makes the noises and breathing shallow occasionally but it was mostly because she was phlegm-y. If she manages to clear her own throat, that seems to do the trick. Occasionally, the nurse has to come in and use the suction on her which she totally hates. Last night, she wouldn’t open her mouth so they had to force her.

Much fun thus far.

Mom utters no more than 5 words a day. When she’s “conscious”, she still has her spunk. But when she’s zoned out, she’s out pretty good.

As you know, she has stopped swallowing and spitting on her own. She’d try to swallow sometimes and occasionally will choke like yesterday. She stopped talking altogether but if she’s “here”, she totally understands everything. Pretty much her left side at this moment is completely useless. The right she can still squeeze your hand here and there.

When she’s “here”. Which is not all that much these days.

Like this morning, my brother and I went to take care of some business first. We didn’t get to visit until later. Her friends were already there. Aunty Sida asked mom if she wanted her to hit us as a punishment.

She nodded.

“Which one should I hit? Oakley or Onk?”

Mom slowly raised her hand at Onk. The usual suspect.

“Is that for today or for being out drinking last night? For drinking last night?” I asked.

Mom nodded again.

Well, heck. The dude came in from the night of drinking with his friends to the ER, smelling like cigarettes. Mom never likes that.

So yea, we had our moments here and there. But most of the day, mom watches Animal Planet, her favorite channel, and, of course, Academy Fantasia live feed. All day long.

Actually, tonight she was trying to stay up to watch the performance show. LOL. At least that is what we think she is doing.

So, there you go kids. An update from this side of town. I have other fun nuggets to share with you guys but I’m super sleepy at the moment.

Oh yes. The sinus infection is going away. It’s hot has hell over here and rain a lot. It doesn’t bother me as much just yet as I seem to be shuttling in and out of air conditioned room most of the day.

God. I love it when it rains here. The toads and frogs are making all of these noises outside. Miss that.

Good night gang. I’ll update again soon.

Hi guys!

Amazingly, I survived the flight from LAX to Taipei.  Kicking it here, sweating like a pig…I mean, getting acclamated to the Asian summer, in the free internet nook in the airport.  I have 3 hours to kill so I started pacing the airport and found this.  So, hooray!

I had a great flight.  I ended up sitting at the exit aisle, leg rooms galore.  Not that I need that much.  But my flight buddy did though.  This Chicago med school kid named Dot was en route to visit family in Vietnam.  We had a good time chatting and watching movies together…well, he watched “Shooter” on his screen, and me on mine.  We agreed that it sucked.  LOL.  And thank god the subject of undergrad didn’t come up until we landed.  Yep.  Dot was a bruin.  Hahah!

My ears did wonderfully.  The EarPlane thing worked well on take off but I think I might have put it on too early for landing.  I ended up taking them out and put up with the pop on my own. 

As for the fever, I think that stopped.  I mean, I can’t really tell now. Like I said, I’m sweating like a pig!  Too bad I can email you guys some pictures.  Sunrise over the Taipei airport is pretty neat.

A line is forming outside this little nook, so I’d better scurry.  Just want to let everyone knows I’m almost home.  And thanks for all the good wishes!

I dread the flight tonight in many ways.

First, I’m scared to see mom.  I’m scared to face the reality that everyone else back home has been facing for so long.  I’m scared that I wouldn’t be able to handle it and fall apart all over the place.  I’m scared that I may not want to leave her side.

I’m just fucking scared.  Period.

And then, I’m scared my eardrums are going to blow up due to my serious sinus infection.

Heck, my ears had trouble equalizing coming down 34 floors earlier today.  I’m still taking my Sudafed, Tylenol and Airborne religiously.  I just bought me a pair of EarPlanes, filtered earplugs that are supposed to be helpful with flights.  I tried them on and thinking maybe I should get the adult size ones.  May be just have to pick that up on the way out, along with Afrin nasal spray on the way out because I totally forgot to pick that up a while ago.

On top of all of that, the antibiotics make me a little queasy.  And my body, since it’s still putting up a damn good fight against the infection, feels zapped of energy every hour or so.  I would be finishing up packing and wham! I’m out for the count.  As the matter of fact, I just woke up.  And I’m about to go take another nap.

Wham!

The next blog will be from home.  Hopefully, I will still have my hearing.  And sanity.

See you guys on the other side!

Sinus infection + exhaustion due to stress = crazy ass sore throat, cough and fever spike.

“No fever yet?” my doctor asked this morning.

“Just low grade,99.7 or so,” I said.

“Oh. It’s going to get a lot worse,” she said.

And she was right. Around 1 p.m. I clocked in at 102.2. I think I broke my own record there.

I’m on this super strength once a day antibiotics which makes me queasy. Sudafed to help clears the ears so I can fly. Airborne and antioxidant mango juice from Trader Joe’s to keep up the fight. And Tylenol to keep me comfortable…doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything though.

It’s 7 p.m. This is the first time my fever is down lower than 100. Hey, 99.9 IS lower than 100. Gotta count my blessing.

My doctor is concern about keeping my ears cleared for the flight. I’m taking Sudafed religiously at the moment. Hopefully, I will survive.

I thought after this weekend of activities–AIDS Walk, graduation dinner, and the wake–I
would get to relax and pack like a mad woman.

Wrong.

The only thing that relaxed was my immune system, it seemed.

Kids. I’m sitting here with a sore throat and zero energy.

And it’s T-minus 2 days.

I am seeing my doctor tomorrow morning.

And running to Office Depot to buy more address labels I completely screwed up today at work because I was fighting to get through the day and get things done.

And running to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription.

Then running to town to finish a long day of work, preparing for my time off.

I think my friends and family will have to miss out on the Weevil Cookies one more year. I can’t possibly be fighting off whatever the hell it is I’m having, be at work late, and come home to make cookies and be on the plane the next night. No fucking way.

Holy hell am I exhausted.

I had the weirdest night of sleep last night. As you guys know, I dream a lot. I would dream so much I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept at all. I would dream so lucidly Brandon had to wake me up because I was screaming.

But last night, I dreamed. And I dreamed. And I dreamed. I remembered waking up many times between stories, rolled over and started a new one.

I remembered dreaming about being back at Mater Dei, which I do often, but the building just wasn’t the same. I ran into my teacher who was surprised to see me. “Weren’t you in the US? What are you doing at school today?” I was lost in the new building it seems, so she took me back to where my friends were lining up to get back upstairs and start the afternoon session.

I remembered walking through a mall with my mom, shopping as always, and then I turned to ask her, “Wait a minute. Aren’t you supposed to be gravely ill?” She looked at me quizzically, “What on earth are you talking about?”.

I remembered a plot for a romantic comedy I will write someday. LOL. Something about a girl with these 3 guys in her life. The story was taken place at a wedding, I wasn’t sure if it was where everything started or where it was about to conclude. I didn’t get to finish that dream.

Well, those were the three I remembered…vaguely. The Mater Dei one I remembered most vividly. The wedding I only remember the plot line. And the one with mom leaves that lingering feeling, almost deja vu-ish.

The point of that is, even with all the dreaming I did last night, I was up at 8:30, bright eye and bushy tail.

I just had the BEST sleep I’ve had in the past few weeks.

Perhaps I should credit AIDS Walk Long Beach for the 5K I walked earlier that morning (by the way, we raised $1,550!!!), followed by an afternoon of cupcake making, and a graduation dinner of fantastic Northeaster Thai food with loads of sticky rice. According to Thai people, sticky rice has the same effects as Thanksgiving turkey, it tends to make you sleepy. I could barely keep my eyes open when we got to the dinner already and once my belly was full, it was all the harder.

And then, there was my night cap of a shot of Limoncello on ice.

My Italian Yellow Fairy + exhaustion probably got me to sleep and dream like I did.

The sleep was truly needed. We have to get to Justin’s mom’s wake at 11 so I’d better go wake up Brandon and finish my cupcakes.

And I am T-3 days to go home…

This morning at the Los Angeles Convention Center, in the South Hall, the gigantic banner announces, “Erotica LA”. Yes. The p*rn convention is back.

But people were coming OUT of the building, not going in. Odd. But then I saw more people crossing the streets, heading for the West Hall.

A big crowd had gathered in the courtyard outside the West Hall. The electronic sign in the corner blinked:

“Welcome New Citizens. US Naturalization Ceremony. West Hall.”

God bless America.

*

On the other hand, yesterday on Kevin & Bean morning show on KROQ, my beloved Psycho Mike spoofed “Hey there Delilah” as “Hey there Vagina”. Much hilarity.

Here’s the lyric:

Hey there Vagina,
You’re a fragrant little kitty
With your landing strip and camel toe
To me you look so pretty,
Yes you do
You know what I just want to do
It’s PUNISH you

Hey there Vagina,
You’re a fancy little beaver
Let my penis play the quarterback
And you can be receiver
Yes its true
I’ll throw a touchdown inside you
Yes its true

Ooooh It’s what (twat’s) you do to me
Ooooh It’s what you do to me
Ooooh It’s what you do to me
Oh you little penis sleeve

I love you little heart-shaped box
A pair of lips that never talks
It’s everything a man could ever want
The only problem in the world
Is you’re connected to a girl
And That makes you annoying in the end
In the end

Hey there Vagina,
You’re a man’s reason for living
You can make the most frugal gentleman
Become quite giving
Yes its true
You sausage wallet
I love you.

But then, their lawyers pulled the plug on the song. TMZ quickly reported the travesty and inviting us all to judge for ourselves.

ETA: Here’s the link to both versions of “Hey There Vagina,” the original flavor and the updated version as a response to the ban titled “Hey There How are ya?”

I came home today, plopped on the floor in front of Brandon and cried a little.

There is such thing as doing too much even when you made up an excuse in your head to dive in head first and do everything in your power to keep busy and therefore keep your mind off of other things.

There is just so much work right now. I usually enjoy the challenge but with my state of mind and time ticking down to the trip, I am just overwhelmed. I don’t feel like I had enough time in a day to do them. And I would totally stay late and do everything if I was permitted. Damn 40-hour week limit and on that note damn the bus for only running 3 times a day! I even brought home something I can do.

And I’m going to leave even more work behind while I’m gone. I am not particularly thrilled about all of that. I mean, I know I have to go home, but there is just a lot of stuff to hand over to someone else, just a week before our big event. I hate that.

There is just so much to get accomplished before my trip. I even canceled out of the monthly girls’ night out to get things done. Like doing laundry. Like going to Target. Like doing the pile of dishes sitting in the sink.

The bus was stuck in traffic and ran almost half an hour late, putting me further behind in the schedule I had set up in my head.

By the time I got home after picking up dinner, when I saw Brandon, everything seemed to just come crashing down.

I had it.

Screw it with the gladiator armor I’ve been donning and all the yawping and charging into battle that is life the past week or so.

Brandon told me not to worry, to just have dinner and a glass of wine and chill. It’s okay to have a day of rest.

And I listened to him.

So we sat on the couch, watching Tivo’ed Mythbusters and Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Diasters–which is fan-fucking-tastic, by the way.

Somewhere in there, Brandon handed me my plush Snoopy to hug.

I didn’t want let him go when I got up just now.

And I’m going back to him.

And I’m going to bed. And put a little bit of polish on the gladiator helmet.

Tomorrow is another day.

Because my brain doesn’t function any more, I’m just going to write whatever came to mind somewhat in a chronological order.

I baked last night. The cupcakes were a massive hit at the company birthday party which was immediately after the early meeting we set up. Will blog at HmmFoodGood later.

I had the early big meeting this morning. My alarm was set for 4:45 a.m. I was up around 1:30 a.m., then 2:45 a.m. and then 4 a.m.

I picked up the Weevils t-shirts from Mario, Celeste’s brother. They’re awesome.

I realized that I have become very cynical about death. I think I’m angry at Death, so I’m being bitchy at the whole concept. I mean, things that came out of my mouth in the past few days in regards to my mom’s fate or anything death related came out beyond gallow humor. They were downright cynical and bitter. I’d get that few seconds of horrified chuckles and awkward looking-around to see if I am laughing at what I just said or was I seriously bitter. Well, I was laughing. AND I was bitter. I mean, I was told that I’m talking about my mom as if it was like she’s getting over a cold or something like that. Like I’m not making a big deal or a sob story out of it. Well, as you already know, I choose angry over sad. And that is how I’m going with it.

I worked an hour over the time I should’ve gone home…and didn’t have lunch until 3 p.m. But Jack in Box Sirloin Burger was pretty tasty.

I picked up my prescription. And now I had to call the insurance to authorize my early refill as I will be in Thailand next week. Stupid insurance.

I resisted the urge to drink directly from the bottle of Limoncello. Hell, I even resisted pouring one shot on ice like I did last night while making the frosting. That stuff is fucking tasty, y’all. And Trader Joe’s has ‘em cheap. But yea. Strong will, I have. Or more like a fear that if I start drinking now–and alone–it would lead me down to a much darker place. The bliss of a buzz is not going to be worth it.

I reconnected with a few friends over IM and got me another $20 pledge for the Weevils. I also realize I seriously have no shame after I hit up the friend I just reconnected with for the Weevils AND then for the possibility to hook me up with auction items for my big November dinner. I don’t know. I think it’s the shamelessness that allows me to just, well, be the Oakley you know and love.

I seriously pondered if I am becoming an extrovert sociopath. Is there even such a thing?

I baked cookies. And I started to think that I may be related to Jesus with the whole one loaf of bread to feed the crowd thing. One batch of cookies used to make 5 dozen maximum. With the new scoop, I can push 6 dozen. But recently, I have been making at least 6 dozen. And tonight, I made 6 and a half. Same size cookies as every time. Same ingredients. Same everything. But somehow, I make more. It’s like Aunty Tim’s miracle lemon tree: the more you give away, the more fruits you get the next year.

I have been awake for almost 19 hours.

And apparently, I’m more stupid as I get older. I used to know where Colombia is. Now I have no idea where it is on the map or where it is in relative to California. But I also learn something new as I found out that Taos, New Mexico, is closer to Bogota, Colombia, than San Diego by only about only some tens of miles.

So…I’m just gonna go to bed now.

I am 8 days before I leave for home. Did I tell you that? Yes, I leave in the middle of next week and be back July 9.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this busy before my trip in my life. Then again, that’s called being a responsible, hard working adult.

And you wonder why most of the time I’d rather be a 6 year-old.

Yesterday

We got a call from Justin late in the evening. As it turned out, he couldn’t get the 4th of July week off after all and therefore he had to cancel the road trip with Brandon altogether. Brandon looked a little deflated but I quickly got on the internet and started looking up plane tickets for him. After a brief talk with his dad, everything seems to settle that Brandon is still going out to Red River as plan although he’d be flying alone instead of driving with a bunch of us.

Hey, we have learned now that it’s NEVER our plans.

Today

“I heard this chaos in the kitchen so I have to check it out,” said one of the coworkers about how he found out Celeste was back at work.

That’s right! The little fireball is back! Yey! She is hanging in there okay. The hand thing actually heals very well so there will not be a surgery for that, thank goodness.

But what a day to have to come back to work though, this girl! Tomorrow is our monthly big meeting and we were running around a lot. And for the first day back, she shouldn’t be involved in that. But she’s a trooper and stuck around to get all of us out of the jam.

Even so, I still left work late and had to catch the alternative bus back to the metro station where Brandon was to pick me up. It was like I was being tested or something because Brandon was stuck on the freeway due to an accident past the station. A 10-minute up the freeway turned into almost 30. I was tired. My feet hurt. Hungry. Needing to pee. And I had cupcakes to make! I didn’t get in the door until almost 8 p.m.Now, onto the cupcakes I baked for the birthday party at work. I thought it would be nicer than just general store bought. It was fun though. I like making food for people.

Tomorrow

Crack-of-dawn wake up call for the big monthly meeting. Right after that, an office birthday party featuring my cupcakes. Right after that, an emergency preparedness meeting. Hopefully, I’d get out early and may be I can drive Celeste home. Evening will probably be finishing up photo CD for Nicky.

Nicky’s graduation pictures are cursed to not be easy. LOL. First, we lost the folder from our server then the card was “deleted”. Brandon managed to retrieve almost all of them back and then the server went insane and lost them again. So, yeah. I’m getting them back from Flickr one by one for Nicky. Much fun!

Thursday

The monthly dinner with the girls which I have to cut a little short so I can bake my last ditch effort to raise money for the Weevils. We are so not going to make the goal. Unless someone drops a big hunk of money on us right now.

Friday

A breather of sort. I’d probably hit Target to get all of my going home shopping done. Oh, and Stargate SG-1 series finale. It should be interesting.

Saturday

AIDS Walk at 8:30. Between that and Nicky’s graduation dinner, I will have to bake a cake for Justin’s mom’s wake. Or if I didn’t get to Target on Friday, I will have to do it then.

Sunday

Toni’s wake. I’m volunteering to help with the food and what not. Olaina mentioned it here. But Justin is right. Keeping busy keeps my mind off things.

Not to mention, entertaining people–with food, music, or whatever–bring me joy. I should seriously consider going to culinary school and become a caterer, I swear. LOL.

Monday - Wednesday

Completely booked work schedule plus 3 ads to all go out before I leave. Pretty much, I have to write up a bunch of documentations for folks filling in for me while I’m gone. Plus a few meetings in there as well.

So, that, in a nutshell, is my next few days leading up to the trip.

My god.

I am SO not prepared.