OakMonster’s Den

Finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean.

One word of advice: Just go in and enjoy the ride. Don’t think about it too much.

I did just that. And I had a blast.

Then again, we almost had a private theater. It was me and B and 2 other ladies at the other end of the theater. That’s it.

For those who’ve seen it, highlight the next part to read a little more. Otherwise, skip to the bottom, you.

I–actually we–want a wedding like that! LOL. Gosh. How awesome would that be! A pirate wedding, on a ship. I’ll take a boatload of Bonine for a vow renewal like this one. Hahah!

Like I said, I left all expectations and logic outside the theater. I had a terrific time. Otherwise, you’ll start analyzing the plot points and logistics and this and that and you won’t have as much fun.

Oh, Norrington. Back to his old self. I miss the tanned, bearded and bitter one.

I was a little disappointed with Calypso being released. I mean, I thought she’d unleash something crazy. Like tossing the ships around in gigantic waves, summon thunders, or go nuts on Davie Jones’ ass for having captured her the first time around. Or something. You know, the whole woman scorned stuff. Maybe something to do with the army of crabs she turned herself into. At which point I leaned into Brandon to say, “Wow. That’s a load of crabs.” But all we got was some rain and a maelstrom. That’s it. That wasn’t as much fun as it should’ve been.

Anyway. I thought I’d share.

Now, to bed I go. Yaaarrgh.

P.S. I decided on being a Jedi for Halloween. Hey, October comes I won’t have a lot of time because of my big event. I must plan early. I think I’ll buy a kid’s costume and make the cloak. Maybe cheaper than making the whole thing. We’ll see.

Over on Justin & Olaina’s side, they’re waiting for Justin’s mom to die. It’s any day now.

Since Justin’s mom’s started down this recent path, I was forced to face the same road my mom will eventually take.

Mom is not going to come out of this one alive. My dad said this a long time ago and none of us wanted to listen.

My dad, the man who was in denial for the longest time that his baby daughter was in love and would eventually get married and live in America. Mr. Denial was the first one to embrace the possibility that there is to be no good news after mom had the stroke. My dad, the giver of bad news, had prepared me a long time ago and I didn’t want to listen.

I called up my mom’s best friend to hear the better news. She always gave a more hopeful view of things. Most of aunties are being positive about it. A few, like my dad, as I realized now, are realists.

A few weeks ago when I called home, I talked into the phone with mom only listening on the other end. I had no idea if she comprehended anything or not. Dad said she pretty much stops talking altogether. She still doesn’t swallow her saliva. She still has the feeding tube and doesn’t eat much on her own. I don’t know if she actually has eaten anything lately.

Dad said her brain’s functionality is what they’re worried about. She’s here with us half the time and elsewhere the other. She’d ask if someone was picking me up from the airport one day and if someone is walking me home from school the next.

Cancer definitely has returned to the liver. The expensive breakthrough drug that has kept her cancer-free for about a year apparently doesn’t work any more. At this rate, there is no western medicine that can save her. They can’t do chemo again. June 11 they’re going to the oncologist to get more details.

But for now, although many steps behind Justin’s mom Toni, my mom is going down that same road.

At some point, we are going to watch her die.

I haven’t wanted to accept it. Like you’ve read the past few days. We have been trying to shrug off the reality. Making jokes about impending death. Trying to have a good time. I personally have been keeping busy and trying not to think about it all too much.  I wouldn’t talk about it if I don’t have to.
But like a train wreck I can’t look away, I keep up with Olaina’s account on the entire experience at “House of Death”, as she called it. In the future, I don’t know how near or far, I will have to be in that house, waiting for my mom’s final moment too.

I don’t want to know. I don’t want to read about it. I want to run away.

But deep down I know I should read it because I need to be prepared.

Just thinking about it already breaks my heart.

Well hell. Writing this out, though somewhat therapeutic in a way that I’m forcing myself to face my own emotions, hurts like hell.

I keep thinking that I’m ready for my mom’s final moment. That I have been prepared for it for a long time. That I have said my goodbyes. That I have made my peace. That I have let go a long time ago.

What do you do when you find out that this entire time you have only been lying to yourself?

I haven’t been able to call home to “talk” to my mom because of what I have been experiencing through Justin & Olaina. I am afraid that I would completely lose my mind on the phone. I already am losing my mind thinking about calling home right now.

I told my dad the other that the reason why I haven’t called mom was because I just couldn’t make myself do it. I told my dad about Toni.

“Don’t ever leave me hanging like that,” dad said, meaning he doesn’t want to be kept alive as a vegetable or if there is no way to save him.
We then discussed the living will and what his wishes were, and that he needs to get all of this down with a lawyer so my brother and I don’t have to fight about it later, etc.

I just now realized, both of us completely changed the subject.

It seems like I’m not the only one running away. Besides, I already have an edge on dad on the running away part. I’m already half way around the world.

But I don’t think it hurts any less.

ETA: I IM’ed with my brother Onk last night.  He said to call home on Sunday–California Saturday night–to try to talk with mom.  They have been gathering on Sundays for lunch so there will be more support there, Onk said.  Onk is the joker.  He has been able to make mom laughs or respond to him teasing her.  Mom’s favorite past time since the stroke used to be trying to kick Onk.  Hehe.  Now, he said she only cracked a smile at him once in a while.  It’s been hard for them too.  But everyone is hanging in there.  I am to send more pictures home in the meantime.  And he will relay his message to mom that I “called”.

I somehow managed to drop my card wallet from my backpack outside of my car on my way to the bus stop this morning. In that wallet, I have my brand new bus pass and an ATM card of my other bank along with all of those movie watcher passes and old student ID.

When I couldn’t find the wallet at the bus stop, I thought I might have left it at the house. Thank goodness for my emergency bus fare I had stowed away in one of my backpack’s pockets. Or else I would have to use my $5 bill and wouldn’t have gotten any change back.

My entire trip up, I prayed that I actually left the damn wallet at home, and that I didn’t drop it when I was putting the keys into the backpack when I got out of the car.

A message was left for me at work from Oak Middle School, a school a block over from where I parked. A student has picked up the wallet and turned it in to his teacher.

My worst fear was confirmed. But yet, an honest kid just saved me.

I told the lady at the school that the kid deserves an award.  She laughed and said yes
An honest kid in this day and age. They still exist.

Perhaps the world isn’t all that fucked up after all.

After a super productive Saturday, Brandon and I holed up in our apartment for a day of rest.

Yesterday, with the one oven, I baked 10 dozen of cookies (the batters yielded 2 dozen and 3 cookies more than I needed for the AIDS Walk order), and made a fantastic dinner of Roman-style chicken and roasted potatoes. Originally, we were just feeding ourselves and Olaina who came over while Justin was off at a bachelor party. But her brother Neil happened to be in the neighborhood so he joined us as well.

With the one set of washer and dryer in our complex, Brandon hijacked the laundry room did our laundry for about the same amount of time I spent in the kitchen.

Pretty much both of us were done with our tasks mid-way through dinner. Neil left not too long after dinner while Olaina stayed and hung out with me for the rest of the evening, boozing and singing on Karaoke Revolution.

Oh, and B and I put all of the laundry away last night too.

Well, we couldn’t sleep on top of the piles of laundry now, could we?

And sleep we did. Like rocks.

This morning, I declared today lazy day. No cooking. No going out. Nothing.

We had cereal for breakfast and later called for a pizza for lunch. We cozied up to watch 2 DVDs of NCIS Season 3 with a few breaks to go play with our hobbies. We took a nap in the afternoon.

After the nap though, we got a little bit of a cabin fever. So I washed my car and played with my extended arm Swiffer duster and dusted the entertainment center. And Brandon went out to get a bottle of Mucinex to get rid of this cough he has and picked up Mexican food.

Here we are at 9 p.m., having full recovered from yesterday.

I have all the intentions to share with you guys the emotional roller coasters I have experienced since we heard the bad news about Justin’s mom and some updates from my dad. But, once again I’m going to run away to a safe place.

Because running away is what I do best. And a good day of rest seems to be the best place to hide.

I will share, I promise, as soon as I am ready.

Much to share. But not first thing in the morning. I’m all about the happy post right now. More post to come!

First off, fresh from the LA Times this morning. If we ever have kids, I can see this happening…

Tea party at work went very well. I put a few pictures up on Flickr, so head over there. I worked my ass off at the thing, but it was so much easier with the help from the others at work.

When I got home, first thing I told Brandon is that, “We’d better go get dinner somewhere where someone serves me. And I need a drink.” We did go out with Justin & Olaina and Big Erik to Johnny Reb’s and stuffed ourselves silly.

Finally, I have just made the 2nd payment to Thailand Redcross from the profits I made at the Siamese Pixie Store. That’s $20 total so far! Hooray! And thanks for your support. Get on down that road and buy some stuff.

Oh, and while you’re in the charitable mood, donate some money or order some cookies to support the Weevils too, would you?