OakMonster’s Den

One down, three to go on my Thai bloggers meet list.

I met with Steve Suphan–I mean, Stephen Cleary–last night just a block from my house. We had some beer and chat and listened to the house band. Fuckin’ impeccable Free Bird from a band that started out covering some cheesy 80s stuff. I was amazed.

It was good to get out of the house, talked to someone frankly about my mom for a change.

Thai culture is superstitious. You know how I have been talking about the impending death of my mother here? If my family or the aunties read this, they’d kill me. It seems everyone has already accepted the fact but no one wants to talk about it because by talking about it is a jinx.

Death is just not an option to be discussed around here. Except for Aunty Sida who will bring it up in order to “prepare” me. She gave me a guilt trip yesterday for not returning to mom after the meeting at dad’s office. Well, shit. How was I to know my dad had 3 meetings in a row?

“You need to be with her right now, you know?”

Yes. I know. Seriously, time lapses when you return. People still see you as if you were the teenage girl who left yesterday and still treat you like you’re that age.

What do you expect out me? To burst into tears when you mention that my mom is dying, that she’s probably been waiting for me? Come on. Give me a little credit. I may not have been here to watch mom gets worse or do the whole dutiful daughter stuff, but I suffer in my own way too. Just not the way you think I would do it.

Besides, I’m too fucking frustrated and angry to be crying.

Like I always said, I like anger better.

Anyways. So I couldn’t tell anybody how frustrated I am with everyone not discussing the very near future and this and that. It was good to be able to spill that to Steve yesterday over a few beer. Seriously. That is some major relief. 3 small glasses of Heineken…just over 2 pints I think…were all I could get as a far as beer therapy is concern. I still dream of Guinness, but hey, I’ll take what I can get.

Oh, and there was that whole passive aggressive discussion between my dad and my brother about the pub I went to meet Steve last night. I came in from freshening up into the middle of the conversation along the line of who go to the joint.

“Mostly foreigners. And later in the evening, the ‘darker ones’ start to show up to pick up the drunken guys.”

Hint hint. Oakley, you are walking into a place where everyone will assume you are hooker…are you sure you want to venture out there? It was like a backhanded hint and warning.
Well, shit, dudes! Find me ONE hooker in Bangkok who wears glasses on the job. I dare you. Seriously. I haven’t seen any.

….Grrrr….

Anyways. I still have to meet KorBua, the twin sister from another life, and the fabulous Gnarly Kitty while I’m here. I’m arranging that now, probably will give the girls a call later today.

One thing I have taken for granted this whole time is the freedom to live my life in the US. I don’t have to watch for anything. No family reputation to uphold. No image to put up. And most importantly, nobody to tell me what to do.

It seems I probably won’t be writing again until tomorrow morning. We’re off to get my new passport in a few minutes and then I’ll be at the hospital all day.

Just keeping awake right now, y’all. This is the hardest time for my jet lag little head to stay awake. So, here I am in dad’s office, working away at work stuff and now, I’m blogging.

I also sat in a meeting with dad, Onk, and my uncle and the consultants from Jones Lang LaSalle to discuss our future family business. Interesting to see the flip side as one of the consultants is an American who speaks fluent Thai.

Earlier today, I visited my mom after getting my new Thai ID card. She played with us just a little bit today. Her friend asked if it was okay for her to leave, mom said “Okay”. We were watching Animal Planet, of course, and it was a Hollywood wild animal trainer playing with a lion cub. I asked mom if she’d like us to get cub for her to play with. Mom, who hates/fears cats, waved her hand quite frantically for her. LOL.

A few moments like these are pretty good. The rest is just scary.

Aunty Sida and dad are pulling some strings to get mom over to the government hospital. According to Aunty Sida who talked to the doctor yesterday, the breathing difficulty is the beginning of the dreaded Road to the End. We haven’t told dad that yet.

But he seems to know though. At least he was clued in on the whole 6-month prognosis thing. Actually, yet another snippet I didn’t know, is that the prognosis was actually made about 4 months ago.

They didn’t tell me until now.

Good going, team. I could’ve planned this out so much better. But then again, I knew they didn’t want to jinx anything. It’s very Thai of them.

Thanks to Olaina’s blog, with her chronicling the last days of Toni, it’s like a map for me to follow. Because of that, maybe I am more prepared than the rest of them. Maybe.

Oh, and talking about the great circle of life.

Yesterday I went to dinner with my schoolmates after playing with my friend Joy’s baby all afternoon. One of the girls brought her 10-month old baby girl. Smart little kid! After introducing her to all of the aunties a few time, when asked “Where’s Aunty Oakley?”, she correctly pointed to me! So cute!

And while dining, another friend called. She was at the hospital with her mom. As it turns out, the same hospital as mine. As it turns out even more, they’re on the same floor. Her mom just came out of a surgery for intestinal cancer and there was some complication with the surgery.

A few new babies. A few dying mothers.

Welcome to being 30.

I will have to get the Starbucks out of the fridge. I have to stay awake at least a few more hours tonight. Suddenly, I have myself some appointments this evening.

Tonight we’ll head back out to see mom for a few hours, dad and I. Then I MAY have to skip dinner at home (still waiting to tell my dad…been in 3 different meetings since 2 p.m.) to meet up with the famous Stephen Cleary of the Nation newspaper, known to me as Steve Suphan of Thai-Blogs.com. He’s in town from the provinces for the night so we’ll grab a bit of boozies over at the pub a block down from me. It’s easier for a boy to travel through the city at night and a girl so he’s coming over this way.

Oh how I need the boozies. And dammit…they probably won’t have any Guinness. Oh well. I can always order a shot of something.