Monthly Archives: July 2010

Table for 2 and that’s just fine

We’re child-free by choice.

We don’t hate kids.  And we make great auntie and uncle.  We just like to play with them and hand them off to the parents at the end of the day.

We adore Brandon’s two nieces age 8 and 11.  We can hardly wait to hang out with Aurora and James’ 2-year-old Dresden and baby Chloe.  Olaina and Justin’s Ella is still too little to play with but we didn’t mind hanging out with her too.

I’m quite sure the fact that they are relations–or practically relations, our tolerance and patience for them are a lot higher than for that of complete strangers’ kids.

However, we don’t offer to baby sit the kids on our own.  Well, Brandon is okay with taking Dresden to the park for an hour or two, and Little D and I get along swell playing inside the house.  But overall, we never want to be left alone with the young ones for more than a few hours at a time before our patience run out and our heads explode.

We chose to be child-free for a reason.  And our friends know it.

Yet, it’s a constant question we have to dodge here and back in Thailand.  My dad especially.  I haven’t the heart to tell him, so my answer is usually, “I don’t have the money.”  My mom’s friends know I didn’t want kids.  Actually, and quite surprisingly, they were supportive of that choice.

I started to realize I didn’t even want kids back in college.  I still remembered the first time my ex-boyfriend mentioned our future children.  That freaked the fuck out of me out but I played along.  Hahaha. Yeah, sure, honey, a boy and a girl, right? Wonderful. Let’s name them!

But in my head, Holy shit he already talks about KIDS?! God I can’t have kids?! I don’t want any kids!!

You can’t imagine the relief when Brandon brought up early on when we started dating that he didn’t want kids.

So far, our choice to be child-free has never been a problem in our social life because we can still hang with our friends who have children.

We had Aurora and the kids over for dinner often.  And we were perfectly okay with going to the movies with Brandon’s nieces when we were in New Mexico.

On those certain days we weren’t up for kids, we politely decline the invitation for their company.  Most friends understand.  Some don’t.

We are child-free BY CHOICE. And that choice includes choosing to not be around a child when we don’t feel like it.  Because if we want to be with a child all the time, we would’ve chosen to have one.

We respect parents.  We do.  I mean, we can barely stand up to Dresden’s rambunctiousness for a few hours and Aurora has to do this all day with Chloe clinging on to her?  Holy crap!  And then there are friends and single parents who also work full time on top of being a mom/dad.  I mean, seriously.  How do you guys manage all of that?

Props. Mad props to you, parents.

We respect also your choice to have children. And we thank you for bringing your wonderful kids into this world and even share them with us sometimes.

We hope that you respect our choice to not have children–or not be with one when we don’t want to–as well.

I <3 Olivia Munn


One memorable hour on the set of Attack of the Show!  At one point, Olivia called me over during break.

“So Oakley, where are you from?”

“Los Alamitos…and Thailand.”

“So which is it? Huh? Huh?”


“You’re lying, aren’t you? You fucking liar.”

And then she introduced me to her co-host Kevin.

“This is Oakley. She’s a liar.”

“Oh, hi. You’re a liar?”

“Yes. I am.”




“Dude, I’m a liar.”

Hence this:



Oh, yes.  Olivia is just like who we see on television, people.  Except even prettier in real life.

She’s hilarious and super friendly.  And she drops f-bombs.  And she talks naughty.

Those haters, listed here in this LA Times story, just keep piling it on.

It’s this whole women hating women thing that women would never get to go anywhere, I think.

Yes, Olivia is beautiful, smart, and hilarious. Yes, she plays to her male audience…you’d be a fool not to when your show’s demographic is the dudes.

Play a ditz? Play a hot chick? Jump into a pie?  What she says is right, in so many words, you’re nobody but who your fans make you.  Much like this blog, if y’all don’t read it, it doesn’t exist. (So…thanks!) You can’t make a living as an entertainer if there’s no audience.

Could she have gone and done something more “dignify”?  Sure. Will her fans follow there?  Probably not.

But having seen her in action on the set, I’ve got to say that she has the brain and sense of humor to back her up.

So, good on you, Olivia.  I wish you well.

Haters will hate.  And everyone has a point of view.  Respect that, and moving on.

As Olivia signed on my copy of Maxim–yes, *MY* copy of Maxim, and I bought the Playboy too–“Let’s braid hair!”

Yes, Olivia.  Let’s join our Asian powers and braid hair.

We have our own brand of awesome.

And everyone else can, well, suck it.  😉

Forgot to send to #fb. Me and @oliviamunn. What's. Up. - Kindness

Raised to be kind

I went online to shop for an item I needed for the kitchen that I couldn’t seem to find in the stores.  [ETA – It was a bacon dripping jar to save the yumminess for later use.]  My friend David was the one who inspired me to get one of these, but he himself does not have one.

When I tweeted him that I bought him something, he was quite surprised.  Another friend chimed in asking it was because his birthday was in a couple of months.

Nope. I don’t need an occasion to buy a friend something.

This notion of a gifting without an occasion was quite new to David.  He sent me a message later saying that he couldn’t remember the last time someone bought him something for no reason.

Welcome to my circle of friends, I told him. - Kindness

Photo Credit: PuurBody on Etsy

I have made some new friends this past year or so.  And they haven’t yet gotten used to the fact that I’m quite good at random gifting.

Old friends know that I would come back from a farmer’s market with the last of this season’s Asian pears because I know they like them; that I would turn up with extra cream puffs if I ever go down to Beard Papa’s; or that I would make extra meatballs so the new moms could have them later.

Yet another trait I’ve picked up from my mother.

As long as I remember, my mom and her friends have always picked up something for each other when they were out somewhere.  I’m not talking about souvenirs from far away places–but yes, we received those too–but from a trip to the mall or a stroll through a market.

Bags of mandarin oranges were sent over with a motorcycle messenger–common practice in Thailand–from Aunty Rae’s office because she found a great deal from a fruit vendor when she was out to lunch.  Aunty Sida’s driver dropped off barbecued duck for our dinner since she was at the restaurant that’s famous for duck.  Mom just sent some tote bags she picked up from today’s shopping trip out with my brother as he headed to the sports club to hand it to Aunty Jim.

You get the idea.

Mind you, this was even before cell phones.  They didn’t call each other to check and see if you’d need anything.  They just bought the stuff and, most of the time, call each other before stuff get sent over.  But most of the times, things would just show up from Aunty So and So.

Even while I was away in the U.S., I could come home in the summer to find a pile of Thai souvenirs my mom had collected for me to take back to give to people for Christmas.  And 1/3 of that pile would be from the aunties who thought of me while they were out shopping.  Not to mention something else they had gotten for me specifically.

Buying a treat for your friends once in a while never hurt anybody…as long as you can afford it, of course.

That was the message I got from my mom and her friends.  My mom never really taught me to do this.  I just learned from watching her and the aunties.

One of the very last things I got to do with her before she had the stroke (and eventually passed away) was to hit the mall with the aunties.  It was in February and the mall was full of Valentine’s Day stuff.  My mom sent me slinking off to another cashier station to buy everyone a red carnation each.

“But mom, there are ROSES!” I protested.

“The roses are too pricey. The aunties will yell at you for wasting money if you get those. Get the carnations!” She grabbed my hand. “Trust me.”

The carnations did delight everyone. But Aunty Sida outdid us all by later passing around bright red hand towels with “LOVE” printed on them to everyone on the car ride home.  But we didn’t even see her buy anything!  The trick was that she spotted them on the way to the restroom.  She had them held, then texted her driver to buy them while we were in a different section of the mall!  LOL

Now I found myself wandering through Target, calling my friend Aurora to ask what size shirt do you think our friend Jim wears because I found a $5 Captain America t-shirt he’d love.

I’m a lot more like my mom that I thought.

Oh, and if you’re thinking I would be driving Brandon crazy with my shopping for other people, guess again.  The mister does the same thing with his friends.  :-)