2011 has been a serious roller coaster for me professionally and personally. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was updating the 2010 end of the year list!

Golly.

2011 in Pictures

Jan – March: Welcome to the family, Robin Hood the Hyundai Sonata! / Custom made truffles from Drago Centro / Got laid off

April – June: New Zealand vacation / Cochon 555 / The Nerd Machine Slave Leia PSA

July – September: 4th of July at the Los Alamitos Base / Camping on Catalina / USC football season

October – December: Awesome Halloween / Thorough destruction of the bRuins / Annual candy cane martini at Patty’s house

Drinking Buddy of the Year: Brandon…again

When you’re unemployed for most of the year, who else would be your drinking buddy but your husband!  Brandon has returned to claim the title since he got it in 2009.  This year, the mister also started to try wine, so we’ve had a little more fun with that.  Speaking of wine…

Bar of the Year: District Wine, Long Beach

I was introduced to District Wine by USC Alumni Club of Long Beach.  The club has many mixers hosted here and the board congregates here for the board meeting for bottlomless mimosas on a Sunday.  Elegant but cozy place with friendliest of staff can be really mellow some nights and lively on others.

With a variety of wine by the glass and very reasonably priced by the bottle and delicious nosh, if this place was around the corner from my house, I would certainly haunt it.  I like District Wine so much when I was contacted by Ghirardelli to host the Intense Dark chocolate and wine pairing event, I didn’t even try calling anywhere else but here.

I’m looking forward to many, many more good times!

Restaurant of the Year: Vino e Cucina, Long Beach

My friend Brenda introduced me to Vino e Cucina a few years back. It was REAL Italian food, owned and operated by Italian family.  I totally loved the food there since the very first bite, but I couldn’t get Brandon through the door for the longest time.  You see, the first time we popped in was a Friday night when they were still in the one store. With no reservation, they couldn’t seat anyone. B didn’t like that too much.

Since then they had expanded into the neighboring storefronts, and I finally convinced Brandon to come order a to-go dinner on a weeknight. The food proved itself worthy.  And now we eat there about once every other month.

Newcomer Award: Saatchi LA Peeps

“But Oakley, you only worked there for 4 months! How could you be so attached to these people?”

When you find a work environment you like, meet the people you adore, and get a sense of a company culture that fits you like a glove, you can’t help yourself feeling like you’ve always worked there. I feel like I belong there more than any other place I’ve worked at before (maybe except HSX.com).  I’ve met great people and created some awesome memories in my short time here.  This will not be soon forgotten.

Oh, and again, thanks, Matt.

High point of the Year: New Zealand Trip

Fresh off the layoff, the trip was the perfect springboard into the new adventure.  It was a carefree trip. We ate a lot. We walked a lot. Then we drove a LOT but we also saw a lot along the way.  We nerded out with Lord of the Rings sites. We drank plenty of wine and guzzled enough local beer. We took a million pictures (and I haven’t uploaded them all yet).

It was great seeing my dad and getting him out traveling even on a very limited schedule. My mom had always wanted to visit New Zealand. In a way, we were taking this trip for her as well.

The best, though, is that my dad and I reunited with my cousins Nancy and Nat who we haven’t seen in 10+ years.  I also finally get to meet my nephew Brandon for the first time.

What an adventure.

Low point of the year: Unemployment

Yes, I was all gung-ho about my new adventures. Then I was defeated by the reality of it.  I had some days when all the rejection emails and resumes that disappear into the black hole that is the Orange County job market really got me.  There were days when I felt useless and stupid. And there were days when I thought I should just grab a cup and go panhandle.

I’ve gotten used to a set schedule and a steady paycheck for these past 4 months. Going back to not working is going to be interesting all over again.

Holiday of the Year: Halloween…again

That’s it. I’m retiring this category since a) Halloween is my favorite holiday, and b) it’s ALWAYS awesome.

This year I didn’t have quite the same number of costume change as last year.  But I still had quite a bit.  A 1980s prom princess at work pre-Halloween. A Trojan Cat in the Hat for Halloween weekend tailgate.  Myself aka the Devil for work on Halloween day and then the TARDIS in a tutu for Halloween party that evening.

That TARDIS outfit though, I’m quite proud of. Now you just have to find more occasions to rock out my blue tutu. Hee.

Song of the Year: Pumped Up Kicks, Foster the People

I know, I know. This song is now overplayed.  However, you have to give it credit of the catchiness.  I mean, I caught it a bit before it blew up and I still caught myself humming it out of the blue.

Movie of the Year: Captain America

As a Harry Potter fan, the final Potter movie should be on this list. However, it just wasn’t. Since I haven’t seen The Muppets just yet, Captain America will be crowned as my favorite this year.

Super hero movies has gone gray. You know, all the heroes have some kind of flaws or darkness they have to deal with.  It’s so refreshing to see a TRUE super her with no baggage.

Surprise Movie of the Year: The Warrior’s Way

Brandon got this on rental. Horrendously cheesy with the story, the comic book CGI, and gratuitous violence. Everyone is over the top and stereotypical. The plot is predictable as hell too. But you know almost immediately that you can’t take any of it seriously. Even the actors don’t seem to be taking it seriously. Once you look at this as a live action comic book rooted in no reality of any kind, some kind of a fantastic voyage where everyone is in on the joke, you’ll totally enjoy it.

Book of the Year: Hunger Game trilogy

Oh, Entertainment Weekly Magazine. You influence me so. After having read so much about it, I decided to pick up the Hunger Game paperback for my New Zealand trip. I just couldn’t put it down. I ordered the box set the moment I came back and plowed through the rest in a record speed.

I mean, what’s not to like? Post apocalyptic, totalitarian world. A teenage girl fights for her family. Two boys who love her yet she doesn’t really know what she’s feeling.

If you can skip through the narratives about the food, the fashion, and how she was confused about her relationships–pretty much the parts Brandon couldn’t stand and therefore didn’t read past the first book–you have yourself one kick-ass sci-fi trilogy.

And next summer, the movie. Squee!

TV Show of the Year: American Horror Story

I actually didn’t want to continue watching after I watched the pilot. My skin was left crawling. Too intense of an hour of television.  But curiosity–and free on demand–brought me back.

And boy am I back and so totally obsessed with this show now. (Glee? What’s that?)

That’s about it for 2011.

I might have just done one of the geekiest things so far.

A few Saturdays ago, I joined a tweet up tequila brunch via Google+ Hangout.

Flash back about a year or so ago when Annette/@dananner, being the instigator of all things social media, introduced me to a very small group of tweeps who get up with the birds to go to work. Our little group  greet each other daily at the crack of dawn.  And once in a while we’d joke about having tequila for breakfast.

So I said, how about we all meet up for a tequila brunch? We thought it was a brilliant idea, and I managed to find a restaurant who actually has tequila brunch and is located centrally as we would be hauling in from all different directions and distances.

We finally picked a date that most people were free and Malo in Silver Lake as a central location. And the plan was set. But then, the day of the brunch was during the time when SoCal decided to be Seattle for the week. I drove through the storm up to town from Orange County. An hour later, Annette and Hank came in from Lancaster.

That was it for the grand plan of the Great Tequila Brunch Tweet Up.

It’s been about a year since then. And the weather looked like it was going to hold the summer pattern all the way through Halloween at this rate.  I decided to try putting the brunch together again. This time in Downtown LA at Mas Malo, the second location of the same restaurant.

Alas, I missed my own party.

The crab I ate the night before decided to fight back. I couldn’t leave the house.

But being a nerdy little group that we are, we already had plan to have other non-LA-based folks join us over Google+ Hangout.

Annette came to the party armed with her laptop as she withstood some weird looks from the waitstaff when she asked for a table with an outlet because “my friends are joining our brunch online.”

I dragged myself to the home office and popped in to say hi to my online friends (@hankito, @phatemokid, @scbound and @LoveMeDeux ‘s daughter @TheMads), and watch everyone eat for a few minutes before I retreated back to the couch.

Yes, I got to see all of them. Yes I got to see what they were eating. And yes, it was an absolutely nerdy good time.

Sure, I’ve done video chat before, but I haven’t done much of it until Hangout came around, making things easy for everyone.  However, I never did a video chat as a social event.

This little geeky experiment is now giving me an idea to “have a meal” with my friends somewhere else around the world.  You know, we schedule a time (according to the internet, 9 a.m. PST seems to be the golden hour of social media) and bring our meal to our computers.  Heck, we can even cook the same thing and share our experience!

But of course, said friends will have to get themselves a Google+ account.

Would you be interested in doing a virtual Sunday brunch with me sometime?

This year, I am determined to go as the TARDIS incarnated as a cute blue dress [ETA] a blue velvet corset and a tutu with a hat that glows.  Here are my digital “drafts”, a quick and crude Photoshop image of what my outfit could/would look like.

Final draft. In the works!

Original idea.

But out from that came the idea to do a group costume with our friends James and Aurora, and her sister Lee.

I mean, we’ve done a group costume before years ago as the Firefly gang. (That’s Lee as Kaylee.) Nobody knew who we were. And we had no party to go to. But we did it anyway because, well, it’s Halloween!

As for this year, James has dibs on being an Ood.  We’re considering having me making a t-shirt for James’ 1-year-old daughter that says “My name is Melody Pond”. Either Aurora or Lee will be Madame Kovarian. And we’re hoping we can put their 3-year-old son into a little suit and bow tie. If not, we can always make him a little Cyberman.

As for Brandon, after much deliberation and cost analysis, he was talked into be Rory’s fellow Centurion. (He can’t be Rory because that means shaving!)

Upon researching, I found that the cost for Brandon’s outfit will come up to be quite a lot.  While mine will probably be too, but I’d wear that again for other random occasions.  So I asked if he’d ever wear his Centurion outfit again after Halloween.

B: It’s not like I can wear this again any other time. I mean, it’s not the right time period to wear to Renaissance Faire either.

O: You’re right. [...light bulb moment!...] But wait. You CAN be the Centurion at Ren Faire!

B: How?

O: Dude. I’m the fucking TARDIS! You got to the Renaissance because you’re with ME!!!!

B: Oh god. We’re going to one of THOSE people.

You know, folks showing up at Ren Faire in other sci-fi cosplays…because they’re time traveling. While we get a laugh out of that, the whole genre mashing does ticks off some serious Ren Faire folks something fierce.

Did we mention that last year, there was a girl who dressed up as the 4th Doctor?

Brandon pointed her out as she jogged past.  Of course, being the Doctor, she’d be running…

I called out after her, “But Doctor! I thought you regenerated…like 3-4 times now!?”

She turned around, laughing, and gave me some Jelly Babies. It was quite awesome.

Anyhoo. If we were to go through with the TARDIS at the Faire experience, it would only be more worthwhile if our friend BGF Central would follow us around, throwing her combat bible at us.

Ooooh. Funnage!

What are you guys thinking about for Halloween this year? Have you even thought about it yet? ;-D

You read that right. She invented the fabric.

She was as scientist first. Fashion became a passion. So, she is actually a fashion designer AND a biologist.

Nerd girls can have it all?

Oh, yes.  Yes, we can.

Now this lady just needs this shirt…

ThinkGeek.com

But as I’m sitting here watching this promo of the movie, as a fan of Joss Whedon’s Firefly series, I’m insulted and outraged by all of these people cooing about how a mash up of sci-fi and Western has NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE.

Bitch, please.

I understand you need to sell your movie but why do you have to go and insult the intelligence of your core audience: the fanboys and fangirls?

Just because Firefly didn’t go “mainstream”, it doesn’t mean y’all can come through and claim that you’re the first who’s mashed up the genre.

I’m not saying that Firefly is first to mash up. Wikipedia documents quite a bit of history of “Space Western”. I’m just pointing out that Firefly definitely mash it up before Cowboys & Aliens.

I admire your work, Favreau, but you ain’t first.

So, be excited, fellow geeks and nerds, that Cowboys & Aliens are coming to theaters. And go out to see it as I definitely will.

But be prepared to defend the honor of Firefly universe (or even Cowboy Bebop if that’s your thing).

This is a my call to arms to all Browncoats (and even Alliance) to unite and defend our place in the geekdom.

We were first. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.

Okay, fine. If you Cowboys & Aliens camp wants to say that you mean you’re first to put aliens in the Western and THAT hasn’t been done before, maybe you could claim that. I would fact check on that though.

But please, I beg of you, to stop it with being the first mash up of western and sci-fi, okay? Not only you are embarrassing yourselves among your fanboys and fangirls, you’re beginning to damage our calm.

Speaking of having my calm damaged, someone said this to me about Cowboys & Aliens.

“This is such a ridiculous concept for a movie,” she said.

“EVERYBODY knows there were no aliens back in those days. There wasn’t even electricity!”

I’m serious.

P.S. According to sources, that Chinese phrase in the image is “Chur ni-duh”, uttered by Wash in “Out of Gas”, which is slang for screw you, get lost, or go to hell.

But according to the NASA PR machine in USA Today, it ain’t over yet.

The United States needs to cede its low-earth orbit missions, such as the space shuttle, to the private sector so it can free up resources to explore deep space, [NASA’s administrator and a former astronaut Charles F.] Bolden said. President Obama has directed NASA to work toward sending manned spacecraft to an asteroid and to Mars.

Translation: American astronauts will rely on the Russians to get back into space for now.  The international space station will be supplied by unmanned flights funded by private corporations.  Also the private sectors can have fun with suborbital flights and even sending folks to the moon for now.  All of this so that NASA can focus on deep space and heading to Mars.

Mmmkay?

I should be excited about NASA going off to develop technologies for deep space travel and for getting astronauts to Mars.  But I’m not.

While I’m happy that the private sectors getting to the space travel  sandbox, I feel disappointed that NASA didn’t get to be the one to do everything.  It feels like watching my childhood hero wasn’t all that I thought he would be, and worse, now he is stepping aside to let his sidekicks do the work.

Maybe my view of the American space program is completely romantic.  You know, the WORLD LEADING space program.  The Right Stuff.  First man on the moon.  Oh hell, even “Armageddon” is all about the glory of American space program.

What surprises me more than anything these past few days, however, is the fact that I found myself emotionally attached to the last shuttle launch and the changes in NASA.

I guess when the space program and the astronauts were your inspirations as a kid, they still have a piece of your heart.  Even long after you realized you’re never going to become a NASA astronaut.

Borrowing from Balakov @ Flickr

Back home somewhere in my room, there is a copy of my 4th or 5th grade essay about what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I wanted to be the first Thai female NASA astronaut whose day job is the editor-in-chief of a magazine and whose free time spent defending her tennis championship and performing as a ballerina.

Why be one thing when you can be EVERYTHING?

I was fitting. I was publishing my own zines to share with my classmates, going to tennis and ballet lessons on weekends, and was the only person I know of in my class who had subscription to possibly Thailand’s only science magazine at the time and a shelf full of science books.

I can’t really pin point when my fascination with science came from.  But I think it might have been from just me being one hell of a curious child.

Why are leaves green?  Why do snails turn into bubbles and goo when my brothers put salt on them?  Who put people in the television?  Do robots really exist?  What about Godzilla?  What are the stars?  Why are they up there? Where did the moon go sometimes?  Are there really bunnies living on the moon?  What about the space ships like in Gundam and aliens like Star Wars?

My parents indulged my curiosity and got me any books I’d want to read on just about any topic.  I went far and beyond what was taught in school.  Dad, being a news junky that he is, would pass along any science articles he read in the papers and mom did the same from her magazines.

Eventually, NASA and the astronauts became my hero. Along with other space related characters from movies and mangas I grew up with.

I wanted to be Neil Armstrong.  I wanted to land on the moon.  I wanted to fly like Han Solo and fought for Macross.  The Challenger accident didn’t deter me from my goal whatsoever.

(Oh, and then I also concluded that there were no rabbits on the moon because there was no air on the moon. Bunnies would need space suits and that would be silly.)

Long before I got to know The Doctor, I already wanted to see the stars.

“If you want to be an astronaut, you have to be a scientist,” my mom said.  “To be a scientist, you’ll have to do good in math and science.  And to work for NASA, you’ll have to know English really well.”

“Do I need a doctorate degree, mommy?”

“Yes, honey. You’ll need a doctorate degree to be an astronaut. And you know you have to study very hard to get all the way to doctorate degree.”

“Okay!”

My mom knew exactly how to bait me.

I am blessed to have parents who supported all of my scientific endeavors, just falling short of getting me a chemistry set (there was no such thing as a “toy chemistry set” back then) and sending me to Space Camp in the U.S. which I read about in my science magazine.

Want to spend half an hour after school in the library? Go ahead as long as you get your homework done before dinner.  Want us to just leave you by yourself here at the bookstore while we walk through the mall? Okay as long as you promise to not wander off because we will leave without you (nice threat!).  Want that set of kids’ science books in English?  We’ll even throw in the newest Oxford Student Dictionary. (English AND science at the same time? Score!)

You need a roll of aluminum foil, a few cardboard boxes, and dad’s architect staff to help you build a parabolic dish to roast a marshmallow?  The challenging part (back then) is finding marshmallows in Thailand. But yes, you can ask dad’s staff nicely to help you after work and no you can’t ask them to come back to help you on the weekend.

I scored brilliantly with science and English all of my Thai student life, having that working for NASA goal set in my mind.  Math! Science! English!  My ineptitude in math would eventually surface and kill my dream of becoming a scientist, and therefore becoming an astronaut.  But it never dulled my passion for science.

*

As I grew up, the career goals and interests started to shift.  All the reading about the stars led me to the stories of how the constellations get their names, and therefore to Greek and Roman mythologies.  Hence, I wanted to be archeologist and editor-in-chief astronaut.  Dad handed down to me his hand-cranked Pentax SLR about the same time I wanted to work for the UN because the translators were cool.  So then, photographer and Ambassador of Thailand astronaut would be the next appropriate choice.  Finally, I was enthralled by theater performances after my mom had taken me to a few because I had mad crushes on some TV actors.  So, I then wanted to be a theater actor and advertising creative director astronaut.

Like I said, eventually my limited math skills failed me. No math, no science track for college.  Was I disappointed?  Yes.  But at the same time, my imagination told me I still have hopes because NASA could select me for an astronaut based on my other achievements. You have a Tony Award for your stage work?  Of course, NASA would send you to space for that!

A bit delusional. But hey, a childhood dream is still a dream!

The love for science didn’t perish though, despite knowing I could never be a real astronaut.  By this time, you just can’t take science out of this nerd girl.

That leads us to now.

I’m just a humble unemployed communications and social media specialist who still is a huge nerd and wants to go to space someday.

Without NASA to inspire me back then, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  I wouldn’t have developed interests in computers.  I wouldn’t have loved the science fiction genre.  I wouldn’t have left my home country in pursuit of my career dream (at the time, the goal was to to attend Art Center College of Design to study graphic design, right up the hill from JPL!)  I wouldn’t have taken my first shot at HTML or IRC or any of those computer mumbo jumbo that weird French guy in my college writing class tried to get me into.

And look at me now, while I’m not “the first Thai female NASA astronaut whose day job is the editor-in-chief of a magazine and whose free time spent defending her tennis championship and performing as a ballerina” I thought I would be, I’m still enjoying life in the science nerd kingdom in the home country of NASA itself.

Now, excuse me as I research a plan to start saving up for a Virgin Galactic flight.

Who was/is your inspiration?

Thursday

A friend of mine forwarded me a tweet: a call of arms for any L.A. Slave Leia costume owners for a web video shoot for The Nerd Machine.  (For those who didn’t know, The Nerd Machine is a brainchild of Zachary Levi a.k.a. Chuck from the TV show Chuck…or the voice of Flynn Rider from Tangled.)  I replied to that call with a couple of photos including the Zombie Slave Leia with Darth Vader.

Friday

Folks with The Nerd Machine asked if I would be available for a shoot on Sunday night in Sherman Oaks.  Since I’ve got nothing planned for Monday morning, what else is this unemployed girl going to do but say yes!

Saturday

I was given the call sheet for Sunday night shoot.  I was one of about 15 Slave Leias on the call sheet. Along with the famous Team Unicorn ladies. And Nathan Fillion.

Captain Tight-fucking-pants himself will be there?!?! Dear gods, please let me be the one Slave Leia that fell into his lap. Or something!

Alas, the gods weren’t THAT kind.  Nathan was in the earlier shoot for a different PSA in “The More You Nerd” series.

*snap* *sigh*

Anyhoo.  Later on in the afternoon, we went to watch my friend Pam performed her storytelling piece for the Hollywood Fringe Festival.  “Death 40 Feet Tall” was fantastic. She touched on all the points of a life of a geek girl that even non-geeks would understand.  And praises be Michael Bay!  My cheeks were tired from smiling so much.

After the show, we continued to nerd out at a nearby restaurants with her friends.  And I told Pam about my upcoming big geek moment.  And of course, she’d threaten to kill me out of jealousy if I get to meet Nathan.  This must be how other girls feel when they came across a pair of Manolo for only $50, or something.  Getting to share my nerdy joy with fellow geeks is elating!

Sunday (Father’s Day…appropriately)

Much. Excitement! I gave myself a full hour to get my hair and make-up ready for this.  LOL.  A lot of weirdness I had to adjust too.  First, I only wear my contact lenses as needed, and obviously this was needed. That was weird #1.  Then, I have only donned the Slave Leia outfit as an actual Slave Leia twice before.  Usually, I’d be done up as Zombie Slave Leia. Weird #2 is to not have my face all dead-blue and there was no blood spattered anywhere on my body.

Weird #3 I figured I’d feel once I’m surrounded by the real cosplay girls as my outfit, despite the modified top, was store-bought.  And I would be right. Almost everyone there came through the list of Slavemaster, crafter of Leia’s Metal Bikini‘s accurately made Slave Leia cosplay gitups.  A few came through casting.  Three of us came in via Twitter.

To my relief, there are a few who put on the same store-bought ones I have. I’m not the only one after all!

The cosplayers seem to know each other well and were hanging out together.  I clung on to Cristina who made her own outfit and made acquaintances with Lauren the Closet Geek and fellow Asian Leia Gigi.

It was so refreshing to be among the real geek girls. I mean, I was happy to be one of the weak geekling of the bunch as I have never been to a convention of any kind, and maybe the only one there who doesn’t read comic books.

We were held in the garage where we got to have some fun with other characters for the shoot. Even Zach Levi came by to schmooze for a bit.

The surprise of the evening was that we were supposed to have a second outfit to change into.

WHAT?!

Apparently, NONE of us were told about bringing a second costume.  ALL of us have our own cosplay costumes we could have brought!  But instead, they had to don the store-bought stuff the crew had laying around.  So there were a few classic Star Trek mini skirts and other cheesier variety of Halloween costumes.  At least one get to keep her Slave Leia outfit.

Some of us just came up with something we had on hand.  Ginny happened to have on hand her R2D2 swimsuit…which kicked ass. I brought my Jedi robe for warmth, so I just threw that over my street clothes and *voila*, instant Jawa!

Best part of the evening?  Zach asked for my name…since I was the girl who would be crossing in front of the camera.  And he called me by name for the rest of the shoot.

Star struck? Oh yeah. “Chuck” knows my name. Well, at least for that few hours.  And he gave me a hug later…so that made up for it.

All in all, the evening was magical. And a tad surreal.

I’ll definitely post the video when it comes out. You’d probably catch a glimpse of the back of my head.  Or my arm.  Or something.

[ETA: The video is out--and I'm TOTALLY prophetic. I'm in it just as I predicted.]

P.S.

To add to the surrealism of it all was what appeared to be a hello from my dearly departed Gregg.  Last summer, Gregg took me to see James Taylor and Carole King at the Hollywood Bowl.  As I was driving by the Bowl on my way home from the shoot, out of my random playlist crooned Carole King’s “Home Again”.  I took it as a sign that Gregg approved of the evening’s adventure.

I’m not quite as geeky as this chick in the video here, mind you. I have girl friends who are a lot geekier than me.  And there are plenty more ladies out there who will out geek me in many subjects.  But all in all, I’m nerdier than average. So I guess I’m qualified to make the following statement.

I mean, helloooooo. Geek girls have ALWAYS been here.

THIS. WHOLE. TIME.

Now that the media is making being geek girl tres chic, the inevitable aftermath is coming.

That’s right, a pack of non-geek girls trying to earn some geek creds to impress boys by throwing out some adorable little nerd baits.

We all have heard them before.

“Oh, I so totally love Star Wars.”

But most of the time, they can’t tell a Wookiee from an Ewok, or if Han shot first. (HAN FUCKING SHOT FIRST!!!!! There is no other way, foo!)  However, I must confess that I can tell you nothing about Episode 1-3 because they suck so bad I block it from my memory.

“The Star Trek movie was so cool.”

Of course, they are referring to the newest Star Trek movie. I agree there. But yell out “Khhhhhaaaaan!” and they’d look at you funny.  They also probably can’t tell a Tribble from an Ewok. Or Sisko from Janeway, for that matter.

“I like to play video games.”

Some dance games on the Wii, or some kind of Rock Band, I’m sure.  They’ll never know the beauty in the creepiness of Bioshock, the unpredictability of Rift, or the realism of Grand Turismo.  I have to admit, I don’t play much games either. I get motion-sick playing first-person control and confused with all the trigger buttons.  Pretty much this leaves me with a barrage of Lego games and Castle Crashers.  But I do keep up with the trends so I can converse with my gamer husband and be a good game spectator. I watch Brandon and his friends play all the time.

Yeah…I like to watch. Hee.

Well, you know, and the list of nerd baits goes on.

To each, her own. I respect that.  Go ahead, play your faux geek card.

But know that my fellow geek girls and I reserve the right to poke holes in your pretension, like a T-Rex testing for the weakness in the electrified fence, until you are exposed as who you really are: a regular girl.

And there is no shame in being a regular girl.  Like the guy in the video said, at least there are some common grounds in pop culture reference.

To thyself be true, yo.

But if the geek world calls to you and you’d like to explore your geek girl side, come on in!  Our universe is vast. And awesome.

Genre mash-up Zombie Slave Leia with Dad Vader.

When I talk about belief, why do you always assume I’m talking about God?

- Shepherd Book, Serenity.

That there was a quote that launched a thousand thoughts over this Memorial Day weekend.

It started on Thursday night when I watched Serenity with some friends.  As a Browncoat—fan of Joss Whedon’s Firefly series and the subsequent movie–I’ve watched this movie several times.

At the core of it was about faith, not in a religious way, but a belief in something so strong that one is willing to live by it and die for it.

A kind of faith I’ve always witnessed in my friend Nora’s quiet grace.

We were up in her family’s cabin this weekend in Big Bear.  We planned to head down the mountains and into the spa on Sunday evening.  Not one to miss church, Nora asked if we could drop her off at church for Saturday mass for an hour or so, knowing that I’m Buddhist and Brandon would burst into flames upon crossing the threshold.

I asked if I can accompany her and said yes, just as she’s always done.

You would ask why a Buddhist girl–given, I was educated in Catholic schools my whole life–would want to go to church where she has no business of going.  Well, for one, I’m in support of my friend.  And more importantly, you could say that the Spirit does move me.  But only when I’m in church with Nora and her family.

Nora and her family really do go by the word of their God.  Their door flung open to this cynical sort-of Buddhist at Christmas time. Their arms embrace me in their house of worship despite being of a different creed.  Whatever I may be, I’m God’s creature too.  And Nora, my best friend, accepts my mad, hedonistic way and puts up with—and forgives– our occasion jabs at Christianity as a whole.  Bless her heart.

As I quietly watched Nora went through the motions in mass, I marvel at the strength of her faith.  It is a part of her.  It is who she is.

That makes me wonder about my own faith.  What do I believe in, if I believe in anything at all?

For damn sure, organized religion isn’t for me.

I could call myself a lapsed Theravada Buddhist. But could one be considered a religious person if she actually disagrees and/or questions parts of the doctrine?

I was raised to be a Buddhist in a country that Buddhism is a national religion.  My grandmother was definitely more religious than anyone I know.  My mom was more religious than any of us in the family as my dad is more of a scientist.  Some of her friends are even more so.  I can’t really blame my disinterest on my generation either as some of my friends are even more religious than me. My “cousins” go to temple almost weekly with their parents while I could barely force myself into one once a year for the anniversary of my mom’s death.

I believe in Buddha’s teachings and believe that karma is real, so I’m very Buddhist in that regards.  I’m a Buddhist because I believe in doing no harm unto others. I believe that what goes around comes around.  I believe in the consequences of my action.  I believe in moderation, taking the “Middle Path”. (Hey, I said believe in it…doesn’t mean I practice all the time!)  I believe in generosity.  I believe in finding happiness within myself.

What I don’t believe in is the structure of the religion itself.

Even when I was young, I always wonder why women couldn’t become monks.  Why did we have to do so well in this life so we could be reborn as a guy so we could be a monk to have a better shot at nirvana?  Why can’t I just do really good now and get to nirvana? Nobody can answer that for me.  It’s just the way it is.

I found some research that said that women actually weren’t banned from the practices and were actually female monks back in the early days of Buddhism.  Somehow through time, we were written out of the book, quite literally.

Gee, poorly transcribed and/or translated holy text handed down from generations?  Why does that sound familiar?

My last straw in all of this was the sermon that was given when I went to the temple for my mom’s anniversary a few years back.

The monk was talking about how monks are our gateway to nirvana—how supporting the monks and the temple nets you more karma points than doing anything else on your own.

Are you kidding me?

Did he pretty much just say, “Yeah, you can feed the hungry on your own and it’s like putting pennies in the piggy bank. But if you feed the monks or donate money to the temple, it’s like getting your karma matched by corporate and you’ll get to your goal sooner”?

I’m sorry, Mommy, that you will not get the crap ton of good karma by way of me donating to these monks.

And since when has making karma become some kind of sports or something you expect to do?  Doesn’t it defeat the purpose of doing good if you’re doing it for the reward of good karma?

That was the moment I lost my faith in organized Buddhism.  And that’s why, it’s probably more appropriate to call me a Theravada Buddhism-based spiritualist.

So after all of this, what do I believe in enough to die for?  What do I have faith in?

I have faith in being of service.  Making someone’s day a little better, that I have faith in.

My Mater Dei’s friends and teachers are going to die of shock.  LOL.  My Catholic school also drilled into us the importance of service, not only to God but to the community.  After all, our motto is “Serviam”—“I will serve”.  Sure, in the most religious of context, it meant “I will serve God”.  But you do that by serving God’s children.

But hey, kindness and compassion is also in Buddha’s teaching.  That’s where it all started, I am sure.  But the bottom line is the same.

It’s not just about volunteering or raising fund for the poor, to me, everything I do to help someone counts.  Holding open a door or spotting someone his/her lunch.  Pitch in a buck when someone is a little short.  Even doling out random compliments to strangers, that ought to make his/her day.

Brandon is also a generous man.  More than once he’s offered to help strangers jump-start their cars.  When no one would stop to assist a bicyclist who crashed on the sidewalk, he did.  And that’s why I love him.

Whatever we can do that ends in putting a smile on someone’s face, that’s what I believe in.

The Cult of the Smiley Faces?  I think it has a nice ring to it.

What do you believe in?

Also a quote of Shepherd Book's | Flickr @ Of the Fountain

Cupcake: The Lobster Pot / Rock: The Poster List

I have a copy printed out with a smiley face wearing the crown, and posted in my office to look at.  Because, just like everyone else, some days you need a little bit of a mantra to get you through.  (And yeah, the view does help a little bit.)

Outside of the office in the tower, things do get crazy, people do get mean, and life does go off the rails.  Sometimes the combination of all of that just make you want to throw yourself out that very window I look out on.  But as long as you are keeping calm and carrying on, you’re moving forward.  Keep the forward momentum going, working with what you’ve got, and don’t look back.

However, I have learned my lesson in carrying on mindlessly. Exactly what I did when I went off the reservation a few years ago when my mom died.

I pushed through the pain of losing my mother, put on a front of strength, and bulldozed my way through it all.  Meanwhile I left Brandon behind in my wake, hurt, and all I did was looking over my shoulder and told him to suck it up and keep pace.

It wasn’t a good place to be.  That version of keeping calm and carrying on was absolutely selfish and hurtful.

You live. You learn.  And you do better next time.

Now that I’m back in the “Shield Up, Warp Speed” mode once again for a reason I can only reveal to you in person, I want to be mindful where I step.

I want to make sure my march forward in life doesn’t cause any trouble for anyone this time around.  And instead of clamming up and carrying on by myself like I did in the past, I have reached out for help and guidance.

And so far, I have been very fortunate to have great friends and wonderful mentors.  My friends came through like Gandalf at first light outside of Helm’s Deep.  Full of light and hope…and air of victory.

Image from McKellen.com - Let's go kick some ass!

And then Brandon held me and told me everything is going to be alright.

Keep calm and carry on.

It’s better to do that with friends helping you out.