A while back, I bought a Groupon for a horseback riding and wine tasting package with Wine Country Trails by Horseback at Wilson Creek Winery. Now that Brandon is learning to enjoy wine, we thought we’d make a weekend in Temecula out of it. Besides, with my current employment situation, we can’t quite get ourselves to Hawaii like we wanted to do originally.

We spent one night out there at the Temecula Creek Inn, getting in on their date night package. The dinner at Temet Grill was superb. The room was nice and roomy, and had the most comfy bed which was incredible after a day of wine tasting and an hour of horseback riding.

The next morning we went into Old Town Temecula for breakfast at the Swing Inn at the recommendation of the cashier at Wilson Creek. Then we hit just one more winery, Masia de Yabar, which came highly recommended by Annette, and headed home.

We didn’t need much to be perfectly happy with this weekend getaway. Actually, we never really need much of anything.  The weekend was perfect.

Now, back to the horses.

While Brandon has ridden horses growing up, this was my first time actually riding a horse.  I had no idea what I was doing whatsoever, but I did look the part with a real cowboy hat on my head. (Thanks to Brandon’s dad for that lovely gift the second time I went out to New Mexico.)  They paired me with this lovely painted horse named Carter who was a total sweetheart.  He just wanted to be close to any horse that would let him.  He was perfect for me because he just followed anyone near by so I didn’t really have to give him much encouragement to move forward.

Our group trotted through the vineyards. The grapes are all dormant at this time of year, but it’s still a sight to see. Hills and hills of the dried vines contrasting with the lush green orange and lemon groves in the background.  We rode through the groves too and it took all my strength not to grab any of the hanging fruits.

Somewhere in the middle of the grove, for a moment, I let myself believe that this could be my life.

Me, riding a horse through an orange grove, heading back to the country house with a large front porch.

I was just telling Brandon as we drove down the I-15 earlier that I could imagine myself being a country girl. To some of you, being in suburbia now is pretty much “country”.  And I’m sure you’re thinking that this former little princess couldn’t fare a year out on a farm. And you’d be right.  I don’t think I’d even last a weekend on a working dude ranch!

But I do believe I can totally live away from a city and be perfectly happy about it.

The point is that while some people want a big house, fancy car, and a glamorous life; all I ever want is a quiet country cottage…with high speed internet, a dining room that will fit 8 people, a kitchen with an island, a couple of cats running around, and a vegetable patch out back. Maybe with a lemon tree. Maybe even with a dog.

Brandon also wants that simple life.

Some of my newer friends have this quizzical look on their faces when I show up to an outing by myself, or that my choice in movie, television, and music is pretty much opposite of Brandon’s.  They wondered how on earth these two seemingly opposite people managed to stay married for 10 years.

Well, that was it. At the very core, we both want the quiet, simple life.  That was the foundation upon which we built our relationship.

I didn’t get to test drive the vision of us riding side by side through “our” orchard since Brandon’s horse wasn’t letting mine anywhere near him, let alone tell him of my daydream of the Prairie OakMonster. It was the first thing I shared with thime when we got back to the winery.

Brandon hugged me.

“We can certainly have that,” he said.  He kissed the top of my head.

“But at this rate, one of us will have to win the lottery to get there.”

The man’s also funny. That’s another reason why I love my husband so much.

Cheers to us! (Thanks David for the pic from last year’s Renaissance Faire!)

Someone asks why I set goals. Well, I’m trying to set a habit-forming goals instead of something I know I can’t attain.  Whatever I did well, I’ll keep up with for the years to come. Goal #10 has been a growing list, and I would like to keep it growing each year.

Now, let’s first look at what a failure I have been in 2011 before we move on to set goals for 2012.

2011 Recap: 5 out of 10

1. 12 books a year – Win!

Well, I got to 11.5. I’m going to call that a win. I spent quite a bit of time trying get through Emperor of All Maladies before I gave up, so I’m going to count that as a 0.5. I really don’t like nonfiction as it turns out.

1. The Night Circus – Erin Morgenstern
2. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – Seth Grahame-Smith
3. The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer – Siddhartha Mukherjee …Did not finish
4. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children – Ransom Riggs
5. Ghost Story: The Dresden Files – Jim Butcher
6. Linchpin: Are You Indispensable? – Seth Godin
7. Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins
8. Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins
9. Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins
10. Side Jobs: Stories From the Dresden Files – Jim Butcher
11. Serenity: The Shepherd’s Tale (Graphic novel)
12. Full Dark, No Stars – Stephen King

2. Play piano/guitar/sing on Sundays after dinner for an hour – Fail

I perhaps did that three or four times…

3. Eat a salad a week…Vegan Tuesdays don’t count!- Win

I did pretty good on this one. It’s good to have a few salads you’re addicted to and must have on regular basis.

4. Catch up on DVR on Tuesdays, Thursdays and weekends (Friday is flexible) – Epic fail

LOL … Why did I even bother setting this goal!

5. Cook one new recipe a month…and blog it!- Fail

And you thought that with having more time during unemployment would be conducive to more blogging! I did cook more but I didn’t blog as much.  Also, once I started working at Saatchi LA, with me getting home at irregular hours, I actually haven’t cooked much at all.

6. Wednesday Date Night – Win-ish

Having gone out to eat quite a bit in the later months, we sort of just called that date nights too. At least we did get out to do stuff together a bit.

7. If the hair needs a wash, work out! – Fail

Again, why did I even set this goal if I keep forgetting?

8. Write every week day on the way to work – Fail

Hauling the laptop to work everyday became cumbersome. And then I didn’t commute on the bus any more. I could’ve written every morning during unemployment, but obviously that didn’t happen much either.

9. A secret goal…which was to find a new job than the one I had – EPIC WIN

So, yeah. I consider this a win because the old job did get left behind.  I still haven’t found a full-time position yet though. Hee.

10. Keep up with past success – Mostly win

Weekly lunch out and coffee treats, totally worked. I actually eliminated coffee treats altogether at some point!  Vegan Tuesdays stayed mostly dry and mostly egg-less.  I did switch out a few days in the year but I did quite well.  I’m still taking Italian lessons albeit ever so slowly. And I’m still finishing up magazine within days of their arrival.  The only fail in this would be that I didn’t try NaNoWrimo again.  November has become way too busy with tailgating and such that it was not realistic even to try to write any more.

Not bad, right? So…yay!

Now. For the next year…

2012 Goals

1. Find a job I love

Whatever it is! Now that I have had a taste of what it is like to work where you’re happy instead of just grinding away, this will be a difficult challenge. But I am sure I will find my place in the world.

2. Blog once a week on OakMonster.com

With all the microblogs I’ve got going on, this blog gets neglected. I’m going to fix that.

3. Cook one new recipe a month and blog it

Let’s try this one again…

4. Launch the Side Project

We have a web project we have been discussing with a friend for a while now. I just have to actually get to work on it.

5. Do at least 20 push-ups and/or crunches everyday

Baby step for this fitness averted girl.

6. Try one new restaurant a month

My taste buds need an adventure. Besides, this will give us perfect excuse for date nights!

7. Take a trip somewhere even nearby once a season

Once in a while I’d ditch Italian class for a weekend getaway. We’ll have to maneuver around the spring when Brandon is taking classes and the fall when I have football games. But we can totally do this! Already have a weekend getaway plan in January for our 10th wedding anniversary.

8. Play the piano/guitar once a month

Once a week was a bit ambitious. Let’s start smaller.

9. Update the paper trails

You’re supposed to keep, what, 7 years of documentation? I’m sure I have more like 12 years around here. Time to commit to cleaning house!

10. Keep up with past successes

Read 12 books a year. Lunch/coffee out only once a week. Veggie Tuesday (but less strict on eggs). Eat a salad for a meal on a non-veggie day. Continue with Italian classes. Leave no magazine unread.

Got goals? Share!

2011 has been a serious roller coaster for me professionally and personally. It seems like it was just yesterday when I was updating the 2010 end of the year list!

Golly.

2011 in Pictures

Jan – March: Welcome to the family, Robin Hood the Hyundai Sonata! / Custom made truffles from Drago Centro / Got laid off

April – June: New Zealand vacation / Cochon 555 / The Nerd Machine Slave Leia PSA

July – September: 4th of July at the Los Alamitos Base / Camping on Catalina / USC football season

October – December: Awesome Halloween / Thorough destruction of the bRuins / Annual candy cane martini at Patty’s house

Drinking Buddy of the Year: Brandon…again

When you’re unemployed for most of the year, who else would be your drinking buddy but your husband!  Brandon has returned to claim the title since he got it in 2009.  This year, the mister also started to try wine, so we’ve had a little more fun with that.  Speaking of wine…

Bar of the Year: District Wine, Long Beach

I was introduced to District Wine by USC Alumni Club of Long Beach.  The club has many mixers hosted here and the board congregates here for the board meeting for bottlomless mimosas on a Sunday.  Elegant but cozy place with friendliest of staff can be really mellow some nights and lively on others.

With a variety of wine by the glass and very reasonably priced by the bottle and delicious nosh, if this place was around the corner from my house, I would certainly haunt it.  I like District Wine so much when I was contacted by Ghirardelli to host the Intense Dark chocolate and wine pairing event, I didn’t even try calling anywhere else but here.

I’m looking forward to many, many more good times!

Restaurant of the Year: Vino e Cucina, Long Beach

My friend Brenda introduced me to Vino e Cucina a few years back. It was REAL Italian food, owned and operated by Italian family.  I totally loved the food there since the very first bite, but I couldn’t get Brandon through the door for the longest time.  You see, the first time we popped in was a Friday night when they were still in the one store. With no reservation, they couldn’t seat anyone. B didn’t like that too much.

Since then they had expanded into the neighboring storefronts, and I finally convinced Brandon to come order a to-go dinner on a weeknight. The food proved itself worthy.  And now we eat there about once every other month.

Newcomer Award: Saatchi LA Peeps

“But Oakley, you only worked there for 4 months! How could you be so attached to these people?”

When you find a work environment you like, meet the people you adore, and get a sense of a company culture that fits you like a glove, you can’t help yourself feeling like you’ve always worked there. I feel like I belong there more than any other place I’ve worked at before (maybe except HSX.com).  I’ve met great people and created some awesome memories in my short time here.  This will not be soon forgotten.

Oh, and again, thanks, Matt.

High point of the Year: New Zealand Trip

Fresh off the layoff, the trip was the perfect springboard into the new adventure.  It was a carefree trip. We ate a lot. We walked a lot. Then we drove a LOT but we also saw a lot along the way.  We nerded out with Lord of the Rings sites. We drank plenty of wine and guzzled enough local beer. We took a million pictures (and I haven’t uploaded them all yet).

It was great seeing my dad and getting him out traveling even on a very limited schedule. My mom had always wanted to visit New Zealand. In a way, we were taking this trip for her as well.

The best, though, is that my dad and I reunited with my cousins Nancy and Nat who we haven’t seen in 10+ years.  I also finally get to meet my nephew Brandon for the first time.

What an adventure.

Low point of the year: Unemployment

Yes, I was all gung-ho about my new adventures. Then I was defeated by the reality of it.  I had some days when all the rejection emails and resumes that disappear into the black hole that is the Orange County job market really got me.  There were days when I felt useless and stupid. And there were days when I thought I should just grab a cup and go panhandle.

I’ve gotten used to a set schedule and a steady paycheck for these past 4 months. Going back to not working is going to be interesting all over again.

Holiday of the Year: Halloween…again

That’s it. I’m retiring this category since a) Halloween is my favorite holiday, and b) it’s ALWAYS awesome.

This year I didn’t have quite the same number of costume change as last year.  But I still had quite a bit.  A 1980s prom princess at work pre-Halloween. A Trojan Cat in the Hat for Halloween weekend tailgate.  Myself aka the Devil for work on Halloween day and then the TARDIS in a tutu for Halloween party that evening.

That TARDIS outfit though, I’m quite proud of. Now you just have to find more occasions to rock out my blue tutu. Hee.

Song of the Year: Pumped Up Kicks, Foster the People

I know, I know. This song is now overplayed.  However, you have to give it credit of the catchiness.  I mean, I caught it a bit before it blew up and I still caught myself humming it out of the blue.

Movie of the Year: Captain America

As a Harry Potter fan, the final Potter movie should be on this list. However, it just wasn’t. Since I haven’t seen The Muppets just yet, Captain America will be crowned as my favorite this year.

Super hero movies has gone gray. You know, all the heroes have some kind of flaws or darkness they have to deal with.  It’s so refreshing to see a TRUE super her with no baggage.

Surprise Movie of the Year: The Warrior’s Way

Brandon got this on rental. Horrendously cheesy with the story, the comic book CGI, and gratuitous violence. Everyone is over the top and stereotypical. The plot is predictable as hell too. But you know almost immediately that you can’t take any of it seriously. Even the actors don’t seem to be taking it seriously. Once you look at this as a live action comic book rooted in no reality of any kind, some kind of a fantastic voyage where everyone is in on the joke, you’ll totally enjoy it.

Book of the Year: Hunger Game trilogy

Oh, Entertainment Weekly Magazine. You influence me so. After having read so much about it, I decided to pick up the Hunger Game paperback for my New Zealand trip. I just couldn’t put it down. I ordered the box set the moment I came back and plowed through the rest in a record speed.

I mean, what’s not to like? Post apocalyptic, totalitarian world. A teenage girl fights for her family. Two boys who love her yet she doesn’t really know what she’s feeling.

If you can skip through the narratives about the food, the fashion, and how she was confused about her relationships–pretty much the parts Brandon couldn’t stand and therefore didn’t read past the first book–you have yourself one kick-ass sci-fi trilogy.

And next summer, the movie. Squee!

TV Show of the Year: American Horror Story

I actually didn’t want to continue watching after I watched the pilot. My skin was left crawling. Too intense of an hour of television.  But curiosity–and free on demand–brought me back.

And boy am I back and so totally obsessed with this show now. (Glee? What’s that?)

That’s about it for 2011.

But I, for one, really am thankful this year for my friend Matt.

Without Matt, I wouldn’t be working at this contract, making new friends, learning new skills. I surely wouldn’t have found a work environment I truly feel at home in.

Without Matt, I wouldn’t have the budget to continue to host a Thanksgiving feast for my “orphan” friends as I have done for the past few years.

I would say that I owe Matt my first born for his help, but he already has two kids and I’m not having any. But pretty much, if Matt calls my house at 3 a.m. in need of a babysitter, I’d do it.

I would write a song about Matt like the Cantonians sing of Jayne Cobb. But then I couldn’t quite make it rhymes. “The hero of the Borens, the man they called Matt…?”

Talk about owing somebody a big one. There’s no other person I’d be more than happy to owe it to.

So, Matt. Thank you for being my big brother. Thank you for my job.

And thank you for my turkey.

To be exact, the Guinness-Spiced Cider Brined Turkey…with mashed red potatoes, brussels sprouts and bacon salad, fresh cranberry sauce, and Johnny Appleseed cocktails.  The “orphans” are supplying the rest.

Amy is bringing stuffing and her famous raisin bread. David is bringing some form of green beans his kids will approve. Bob is bringing dessert. And Olaina is bringing Ella to provide the cuteness while Justin is at work.

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!

Us Thais, we traditionally celebrate every 12 years.  It’s a complete cycle in the Chinese zodiac.

These years are supposed to be your milestones in life. At 12, you’re not little kid any more–you’re becoming a teenager.  At 24, you’re now becoming a responsible adult. At 36, you’ve got stuff to show for now that you’ve been an adult awhile. At 48 and onward, you’re just celebrating having been around the blocks so long.

As of today, I’m a year shy from my 3rd cycle. And all I have to show for is a closet full of t-shirts, a messy home office, and a growing–but awesome–sci-fi-related costume collection.

I am the TARDIS!

I wrote on Facebook a few days ago that I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.

I mean having a full-time job, living in our own place, raising a couple of cats, and reminiscing about the epic trip to Italy.

Instead, I’m working on a freelance contract at the dream company, living in a cozy apartment in a great neighborhood, occasionally hanging out with a neighbor’s cat, and reminiscing about the New Zealand trip we took after I lost my job in April.

It’s not all according to plan, but it ain’t a bad detour.

But that is life’s best gift right there. The surprises. The new experiences. The friends you meet along the way.  And wisdom that comes with age does come in handy sometimes.

The gray hair, though, is getting ridiculous…

Gregg, Brandon and I went to the Los Alamitos Wings, Bolts,and Something show for a photographer day out.  Gregg had said he’d been a bit under the weather but he thought going out for a nice day of walking would be good.  So we walked down to the base to look at planes and classic cars.

We split up to get lunch.  When I came back to see Gregg, he was holding a bottle of water in line for his food.  He motioned to me to look at his hand.

His hand was shaking. Not a caffeine jitter kind of shaking. It was it’s cold out shivering kind of shaking. But it was 75F and sunny.

“Dude, I know you haven’t tweeted in about an hour, but…” I joked at first. He chuckled. “Do we need to get a paramedic?”

He shook his head and motioned me to come closer. He leaned in and spoke. His voice was coarse.

“And the weirdest thing is I lost my voice just as I ordered my food.”

“Okay. You just had your voice a second ago. You’re really worrying me now.”

“I think it’s the smoke.”

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay? We don’t have to go through this if you don’t want to.”

He waved all of that away.

“Let’s eat first, and then we’ll see,” he managed to croak out.

We blamed his not having had anything to eat earlier for the shakes and the smoke for this voice being gone for a moment. After lunch, his hands weren’t shaking too much any more, but he was still hoarse. We decided to continue on our day out.

The sky was blue. The sun was out. The temperature was just right. Lots of people but it wasn’t crowded. Well, except for the line going through the C-17.  All of us took tons of photos. It was a great time.

Gregg bid farewell and promised to rest up.

As it turned out, his voice never completely returned. He thought it could be a sudden onset of laryngitis, but he continued to feel worse.

By Friday, Gregg was admitted to the hospital.  Satursday was Halloween, and he was still in the hospital. Brandon and I decided to go visit him in costumes.  Gregg did joke about me coming to visit in Slave Leia outfit.  I thought about it but didn’t want to give anybody a heart attack. (David did point out that it would be a perfect place for anyone to have a heart attack. LOL.)  So I donned my Jedi costume instead.

Looking back, boy do I regret chickening out on the Slave Leia costume.

We were told later that they had found a mass in his chest. And soon after he was formerly diagnosed with some type of rare cancer.

Gregg fought it tooth and nail. And we all went along with him on that fight.  Friends and family circled around Gregg to stay with him, take him to his appointments, take care of anything he’d need.  All I could do was to cook Thanksgiving feast for friends and family just in case it would be hist last.  And it was.

We were there along side him all the way through when there was nothing left to do.  I went to see him in the nursing home before I left for my New Zealand trip in early April.  I brought him electronic drum set he could play while in bed, a throw back to our legendary Rock Band sessions at his house.  I held his hand as he napped.  I kissed his bald forehead goodbye, promising him to do a grand presentation of pictures from my trip when I get back, not knowing at all if I would ever see him again.

Gregg passed away while I was still in New Zealand.

As this Sunday was the anniversary of how it all started, it was hard not to think back of the entire journey.

Getting a new perspective

It’s been 6 months since my career change.

I have experienced so much in half a year than I’ve ever had in a long time. Obviously, I’ve experienced being completely and totally unemployed. I’ve experienced life as an independent contractor, working with a few clients on a few small projects; as a hired hand for any odd jobs; and as a party hostess and promoter for a product. And now as a full-time freelancer at a huge advertising firm.

I’ve always wanted to work in advertising since I made up my mind in 8th grade. I did summer internships at Ogilvy & Mathers in Bangkok the summer before college, and the following summer with Leo Burnett. I applied to any and all advertising jobs fresh out of college. But the dream veered into the dot com right before the peak of the boom and I found my true love in technology instead.

Now that my feet are in the door in an advertising firm working on tech projects, it is indeed a full circle.

This freelance gig is a huge eye opener for me for many reasons. This is my first freelance full-time contract job. This is the largest company I’ve ever worked for. This is also the most fun office I’ve been in. Well, since the dot com glory days.

It’s weird driving to work at 9:30 a.m. to a bustling office instead of shambling off the bus into an empty one a 7:30 a.m. Then again, I also never got to experience the empty 405 freeway at 2 a.m. either.

The hurry-up-and-wait, almost manic-depressive in nature, really, needs some adjusting to. I feel useless some times and I couldn’t leave my desk for a bit some other times. Never quite like that at the old gig.

It’s weird when we are encouraged to use instant messenger to talk to your colleague a few desks over when the old work place doesn’t even officially sanction Google Chat.

It’s weird not knowing everyone on your floor. But yet, there is always somebody walking around sharing donuts or cupcakes or some other food treats.

I often griped about having to dress professionally and rebelled against it with my knee socks and platform maryjanes to keep it lively. It’s weird now that I actually have to make a decision about which t-shirts to wear with my jeans. I never thought I’d be in a wardrobe dilemma when I can wear jeans everyday, but here I am.  Then again, when you were getting really comfortable with your boxer shorts and fuzzy slippers working at home, putting on jeans and t-shirt seems to be a bit of a hassle. LOL

Everything is different now than what it was six months ago. Heck, it’s even different now that just a month and a half ago!

And in a month’s time from today when my contract comes up again, things may change once more.

I thought this whole experimenting with companies and career choices should’ve been wrapped up by the time you turn 30. Here I am, 2 months from turning 35, learning something new everyday and adjusting to a life completely different what I had 6 months ago. It’s definitely weird.

But, well, ya know, I will survive and all that.

All who wander are not lost.

But when you’ve wandered around a while, you’re starting believe that you might really be lost.

Since my 6-year career at the nonprofit ended in March, I’ve been wandering in and out of small projects and side jobs, and online and in-person interviews.

I’ve wandered into the territory of full-time freelancing, puffed up with optimism and confidence. But some negative experiences with people along with what Seth Godin called “Lizard Brain”–the resistance part of your brain telling you to slow down and be careful–sent me packing.

Eventually, I return to the familiar open space of full-time job opportunities. The field is wide open–perhaps a little too wide open with too many players.  In my general directions, the jobs I want are few and far between.  My love for the quiet, suburban life clashes with my despise for a long commute.  Some people can do it. I really just can’t.

Meanwhile, I keep passing along opportunities to friends who live in town, hoping that they’d get lucky and the good job hunting karma will come back my way.

In all of this, occasionally, I feel lost.

The wind is taken off my sail with every unanswered application and every rejection email. High hopes spun me around just to be left adrift in the middle of nowhere.  When all is still like that, I would head toward he cabin to start a pity party.

But someone else seems to have a different plan for me.

Like this past week.

The phone rang. Got a short term gig for you, he said.  And so I set sail.

A few days into that journey, the phone rang again. An interview. And then a chat with a recruiter.  The inbox that has been devoid of any job leads coughs up a few notes.

And then my calendar pops open.

USC football season starts 2 weekends from now. Italian lessons begin a month from now. I’ve also got to get started on the TARDIS dress.  My weekdays will be filled for the next month–hopefully longer, and better yet, permanently–and my Saturdays are taken up through the end of the year.

I am no longer lost.

Hell, I won’t even have time to be lost, come to think of it.

Last year, I participated in the Wise Guys Events first-ever iPodyssey, an Mp3 flash mob event.  An offshoot of New York City’s famous Improv Everywhere‘s MP3 experiment.

I’m going to do it again this year!

Many of the folks I know from Thrill the World and GuerilLA Improv were there too.  Well, some of us from GLA were already at the rehearsal for the flash mob musical so we just headed down the freeway from there.

It was so much fun!  Running around with all these strangers, following only the voices in your ears.  Other people were looking on like WTF is going on.  It was all kinds of awesome.

Sure, our little group is nothing massive like New York. But hey, LA is representin’, yo!

Oh, and look who’s totally “cheating” at 0:52?

Last year’s musical rehearsal and my running amok with the Wise Guys were some of the awesome things I decided to participate in without a wing man/woman.

Brandon isn’t the type to flash mob and I couldn’t find any other friends to go along.  Usually, I would just blow it off and stay at home, but that all changed in 2008 when I went out to learn Thriller on the beach.

Brandon was in Washington D.C. that weekend for work.  I found out about Thrill the World’s first practice, but I couldn’t find anyone else to go with me. Instead of letting the opportunity go by like I usually do, I decided to just head on out.

For the longest time, I was missing out on things because I didn’t want to go by myself.  And then, that day, I got up and drove to Manhattan Beach to learn to dance Thriller on the sand with complete strangers all by myself.

Duh! I know!

Having grown up alone per se, with my brothers having left home for schools in the UK and US when I was young, I was used to being by myself at home. My mom never let me go out anywhere unaccompanied. Never go alone to anything. It was either with friends, with mom, or our maid would go with me.  So, I got used to the company.  Once I came to the U.S., I didn’t have many friends.  So, if there was no one to go with me to do things, I’d be perfectly happy staying at home.  It was the same thing in high school and college, and even in marriage too.

A total nerd, I tell you.

The one fateful trip in 2008 led me to do the first Thrill the World in LA and then to help lead the following year. And the musical. And the iPodyssey. And many other fun things.

I’ve been missing out on living because I was afraid of going in alone.

No more.

iPodyssey 2011, here I come!

[ETA: August 13: Sadly, I actually didn't make it out to Century City after all. My last weekend of freedom before returning to the workforce, albeit temporary contract, needed to be quiet and low-key.]

What was the most spontaneous thing you’ve done–solo or otherwise?

But according to the NASA PR machine in USA Today, it ain’t over yet.

The United States needs to cede its low-earth orbit missions, such as the space shuttle, to the private sector so it can free up resources to explore deep space, [NASA’s administrator and a former astronaut Charles F.] Bolden said. President Obama has directed NASA to work toward sending manned spacecraft to an asteroid and to Mars.

Translation: American astronauts will rely on the Russians to get back into space for now.  The international space station will be supplied by unmanned flights funded by private corporations.  Also the private sectors can have fun with suborbital flights and even sending folks to the moon for now.  All of this so that NASA can focus on deep space and heading to Mars.

Mmmkay?

I should be excited about NASA going off to develop technologies for deep space travel and for getting astronauts to Mars.  But I’m not.

While I’m happy that the private sectors getting to the space travel  sandbox, I feel disappointed that NASA didn’t get to be the one to do everything.  It feels like watching my childhood hero wasn’t all that I thought he would be, and worse, now he is stepping aside to let his sidekicks do the work.

Maybe my view of the American space program is completely romantic.  You know, the WORLD LEADING space program.  The Right Stuff.  First man on the moon.  Oh hell, even “Armageddon” is all about the glory of American space program.

What surprises me more than anything these past few days, however, is the fact that I found myself emotionally attached to the last shuttle launch and the changes in NASA.

I guess when the space program and the astronauts were your inspirations as a kid, they still have a piece of your heart.  Even long after you realized you’re never going to become a NASA astronaut.

Borrowing from Balakov @ Flickr

Back home somewhere in my room, there is a copy of my 4th or 5th grade essay about what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I wanted to be the first Thai female NASA astronaut whose day job is the editor-in-chief of a magazine and whose free time spent defending her tennis championship and performing as a ballerina.

Why be one thing when you can be EVERYTHING?

I was fitting. I was publishing my own zines to share with my classmates, going to tennis and ballet lessons on weekends, and was the only person I know of in my class who had subscription to possibly Thailand’s only science magazine at the time and a shelf full of science books.

I can’t really pin point when my fascination with science came from.  But I think it might have been from just me being one hell of a curious child.

Why are leaves green?  Why do snails turn into bubbles and goo when my brothers put salt on them?  Who put people in the television?  Do robots really exist?  What about Godzilla?  What are the stars?  Why are they up there? Where did the moon go sometimes?  Are there really bunnies living on the moon?  What about the space ships like in Gundam and aliens like Star Wars?

My parents indulged my curiosity and got me any books I’d want to read on just about any topic.  I went far and beyond what was taught in school.  Dad, being a news junky that he is, would pass along any science articles he read in the papers and mom did the same from her magazines.

Eventually, NASA and the astronauts became my hero. Along with other space related characters from movies and mangas I grew up with.

I wanted to be Neil Armstrong.  I wanted to land on the moon.  I wanted to fly like Han Solo and fought for Macross.  The Challenger accident didn’t deter me from my goal whatsoever.

(Oh, and then I also concluded that there were no rabbits on the moon because there was no air on the moon. Bunnies would need space suits and that would be silly.)

Long before I got to know The Doctor, I already wanted to see the stars.

“If you want to be an astronaut, you have to be a scientist,” my mom said.  “To be a scientist, you’ll have to do good in math and science.  And to work for NASA, you’ll have to know English really well.”

“Do I need a doctorate degree, mommy?”

“Yes, honey. You’ll need a doctorate degree to be an astronaut. And you know you have to study very hard to get all the way to doctorate degree.”

“Okay!”

My mom knew exactly how to bait me.

I am blessed to have parents who supported all of my scientific endeavors, just falling short of getting me a chemistry set (there was no such thing as a “toy chemistry set” back then) and sending me to Space Camp in the U.S. which I read about in my science magazine.

Want to spend half an hour after school in the library? Go ahead as long as you get your homework done before dinner.  Want us to just leave you by yourself here at the bookstore while we walk through the mall? Okay as long as you promise to not wander off because we will leave without you (nice threat!).  Want that set of kids’ science books in English?  We’ll even throw in the newest Oxford Student Dictionary. (English AND science at the same time? Score!)

You need a roll of aluminum foil, a few cardboard boxes, and dad’s architect staff to help you build a parabolic dish to roast a marshmallow?  The challenging part (back then) is finding marshmallows in Thailand. But yes, you can ask dad’s staff nicely to help you after work and no you can’t ask them to come back to help you on the weekend.

I scored brilliantly with science and English all of my Thai student life, having that working for NASA goal set in my mind.  Math! Science! English!  My ineptitude in math would eventually surface and kill my dream of becoming a scientist, and therefore becoming an astronaut.  But it never dulled my passion for science.

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As I grew up, the career goals and interests started to shift.  All the reading about the stars led me to the stories of how the constellations get their names, and therefore to Greek and Roman mythologies.  Hence, I wanted to be archeologist and editor-in-chief astronaut.  Dad handed down to me his hand-cranked Pentax SLR about the same time I wanted to work for the UN because the translators were cool.  So then, photographer and Ambassador of Thailand astronaut would be the next appropriate choice.  Finally, I was enthralled by theater performances after my mom had taken me to a few because I had mad crushes on some TV actors.  So, I then wanted to be a theater actor and advertising creative director astronaut.

Like I said, eventually my limited math skills failed me. No math, no science track for college.  Was I disappointed?  Yes.  But at the same time, my imagination told me I still have hopes because NASA could select me for an astronaut based on my other achievements. You have a Tony Award for your stage work?  Of course, NASA would send you to space for that!

A bit delusional. But hey, a childhood dream is still a dream!

The love for science didn’t perish though, despite knowing I could never be a real astronaut.  By this time, you just can’t take science out of this nerd girl.

That leads us to now.

I’m just a humble unemployed communications and social media specialist who still is a huge nerd and wants to go to space someday.

Without NASA to inspire me back then, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  I wouldn’t have developed interests in computers.  I wouldn’t have loved the science fiction genre.  I wouldn’t have left my home country in pursuit of my career dream (at the time, the goal was to to attend Art Center College of Design to study graphic design, right up the hill from JPL!)  I wouldn’t have taken my first shot at HTML or IRC or any of those computer mumbo jumbo that weird French guy in my college writing class tried to get me into.

And look at me now, while I’m not “the first Thai female NASA astronaut whose day job is the editor-in-chief of a magazine and whose free time spent defending her tennis championship and performing as a ballerina” I thought I would be, I’m still enjoying life in the science nerd kingdom in the home country of NASA itself.

Now, excuse me as I research a plan to start saving up for a Virgin Galactic flight.

Who was/is your inspiration?