Had a nice IM chat with my brother Onk today. I miss that boy enough to make me feel a little homesick.

Oh, mom’s in the hospital again. She has shingles.

Shingles, known to Thais as “Ngu Sawad”, somewhat literally translated as snake’s lashes. Probably the progression of the rash looks like the mark snakes would make crawling away.

I had it when I was in kindergarten and my body still bears the scar. Mine was wrapping around my right torso, making its way toward the middle of my back. In Thai belief, if the “snake” wraps around your body, you’re dead.

Anyway. Onk said dad had it a few weeks back too. So, there goes mom with her weakened immune system. The doctor said not to worry though. She just needs to be watched closely for a few days.

With all the news from both sides of the families–my mom’s return to the hospital and Brandon’s mom’s car accident–and how crazy work has been, I just want to hide from the mad, mad world.

You know, my usual grab Snoopy and get into a closet and hide tactic? It works for me. Disappear from here and now. Get lost in my own thoughts. A place to think. To cry. To dream. Away from the madness outside of that door.

Well, this apartment doesn’t have closet I could get in to comfortably hide.

So, instead of squeezing myself into a corner of a closet to disappear, I’m starting to run away to disappear instead.

A few weekends ago, we made it down to San Diego and I had a good time. Last weekend, I was out at Celeste’s house and hang out with Nora for the evening. I felt like I did disappear in a sense that I lost myself in the moment, drunk on friendship and good conversation. I let everything else go and enjoy myself and my company.

I was lost in somewhere that isn’t the hohum of the commute, the office, and the daily routine. Somewhere where no one can find me and make me do things. Somewhere where I don’t think about mom, home, or my daily life.

I think that’s why I’ve been wanting to learn to run. Even on a treadmill, I was still going somewhere that wasn’t here.

Running away is my new closet.

1 Comment

  1. Tiffany   •  

    You could not of said it better. I get those feelings as well and especially with all the work stuff and the move. Running is a great way to just not think of anything and before you know it you have run further then you thought you could. I do have to say once the running if over you might have to worry about just breathing!!!! Keep Smiling Oaks, your family is in my prayers! And you are too!

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