Mind. Mangled.

Because my brain doesn’t function any more, I’m just going to write whatever came to mind somewhat in a chronological order.

I baked last night. The cupcakes were a massive hit at the company birthday party which was immediately after the early meeting we set up. Will blog at HmmFoodGood later.

I had the early big meeting this morning. My alarm was set for 4:45 a.m. I was up around 1:30 a.m., then 2:45 a.m. and then 4 a.m.

I picked up the Weevils t-shirts from Mario, Celeste’s brother. They’re awesome.

I realized that I have become very cynical about death. I think I’m angry at Death, so I’m being bitchy at the whole concept. I mean, things that came out of my mouth in the past few days in regards to my mom’s fate or anything death related came out beyond gallow humor. They were downright cynical and bitter. I’d get that few seconds of horrified chuckles and awkward looking-around to see if I am laughing at what I just said or was I seriously bitter. Well, I was laughing. AND I was bitter. I mean, I was told that I’m talking about my mom as if it was like she’s getting over a cold or something like that. Like I’m not making a big deal or a sob story out of it. Well, as you already know, I choose angry over sad. And that is how I’m going with it.

I worked an hour over the time I should’ve gone home…and didn’t have lunch until 3 p.m. But Jack in Box Sirloin Burger was pretty tasty.

I picked up my prescription. And now I had to call the insurance to authorize my early refill as I will be in Thailand next week. Stupid insurance.

I resisted the urge to drink directly from the bottle of Limoncello. Hell, I even resisted pouring one shot on ice like I did last night while making the frosting. That stuff is fucking tasty, y’all. And Trader Joe’s has ’em cheap. But yea. Strong will, I have. Or more like a fear that if I start drinking now–and alone–it would lead me down to a much darker place. The bliss of a buzz is not going to be worth it.

I reconnected with a few friends over IM and got me another $20 pledge for the Weevils. I also realize I seriously have no shame after I hit up the friend I just reconnected with for the Weevils AND then for the possibility to hook me up with auction items for my big November dinner. I don’t know. I think it’s the shamelessness that allows me to just, well, be the Oakley you know and love.

I seriously pondered if I am becoming an extrovert sociopath. Is there even such a thing?

I baked cookies. And I started to think that I may be related to Jesus with the whole one loaf of bread to feed the crowd thing. One batch of cookies used to make 5 dozen maximum. With the new scoop, I can push 6 dozen. But recently, I have been making at least 6 dozen. And tonight, I made 6 and a half. Same size cookies as every time. Same ingredients. Same everything. But somehow, I make more. It’s like Aunty Tim’s miracle lemon tree: the more you give away, the more fruits you get the next year.

I have been awake for almost 19 hours.

And apparently, I’m more stupid as I get older. I used to know where Colombia is. Now I have no idea where it is on the map or where it is in relative to California. But I also learn something new as I found out that Taos, New Mexico, is closer to Bogota, Colombia, than San Diego by only about only some tens of miles.

So…I’m just gonna go to bed now.

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