Oh yes. I prostrate at the feet of Dr. Lars Hertzog, the uber Trojan eye surgeon, who took his time to look at the eyes of the helpless little Trojan-alum youngling.

Yes. I went back to Dr. Hertzog from last year’s needle explosion incident, and he remembered me! Sure, I didn’t need to come to him about dry eyes and warped vision since he’s a surgeon and all, but he was the first person I could think of. And man, he did take time to take care of me.

Yes. The eyes are unsually dry. As I found out, it is called Dry Eye Syndrome. The good doctor said it is more common in women than men, older than younger. My research turned this up as one of the symptoms of menopause.

Great. My mom and I are both carrying artificial tears on top of our defective lungs.

Anyways. The doctor said that it’s also a part of the vicious cycle with eye inflamation. The inflamation slowed down the production of tears. Not enough tears don’t help the inflamation. Etc.

Apparently, even with a week of night gel and 3-4 tubes of drops per day weren’t enough. This is probably beyond my optometrist anyway.

So, like a kitchent sink, Dr. Hertzog stuffed stoppers into my tear drainage ducts in the corners of my eyes by the nose. Yes. Tiny silicon plugs were inserted into the drainage ducts to prevent the tears from flowing out of my eyes too quickly. To give you an idea…(not for the faint of heart).

Yes. Ew. And yes. They are working beautifully. And no. They don’t hurt. I felt them on the first day and once in a while when my eyes are starting to dry up. But not so much. And also no. I still can’t wear contact lenses yet. I am to return on Columbus Day morning to check the prescription and make sure everything is working out.

Finally.

YES! I CAN SEE!

(By the way, does anyone has USC v.s. Notre Dame tickets they want to sell? I have a customer for you.)