My inner editor must die.
As I continue to get encouragement emails from the main NaNoWriMo people as well as my regional leader, I keep finding myself doing all the wrong things which they said would happen anyway.
I canâ€™t just keep writing things out; I go back and rework things as I go.Â And thatâ€™s not really the point of NaNoWriMo.
Being a blogger also doesnâ€™t help as I try to rein things in to keep you folks interested.Â It has become a second nature for me to start cringing when what Iâ€™m working on started to get lengthy.
And the biggest obstacle of all: time.Â I have been doing great typing away on the bus on my way to work.Â As a matter of fact, I think Iâ€™m going to keep up with this productive habit so my blog would not lapse this much ever again.Â Writing at lunch was also good now that I have an office with a door I can close.Â When I have a time schedule set up, I’m on it and productive as heck.
In comes the weekend.
I thought I would do all sorts of catching up and making great ways on the weekend and in the evenings.Â Oh boy have I been wrong!Â By the time I was done with dinner and cleared a show or two out of the DVR, it was time for bed.Â The weekend rolled around and because of my social life, I would find myself with a couple hours breakâ€¦which, selfishly, I would rather watch the Graham Norton Show than work on the computer.
And in a way, I guess thereâ€™s a part of me thatâ€™s still doing the emotional running away. You can’t possibly imagine all the time I spent on the couch watching TV after mommy died. It was crazy.
The more I write, the more I become aware of how much of my momâ€™s last few years I had missed.Â The guilt of having been away the entire time is nipping at my heels every time I turn on the netbook.Â That is probably why I never quite gotten far. Damn guilt.
But I’m aware of it. And I’m trying to work through it. At the end of the month, I will definitely have 17,000 words written. I will make good of that promise. I really want to see what I kind of book I’m going to end up with at the end.
For sure, there are all these holes in the draft I must fill in from all those times I wasn’t there.Â Hopefully, doing so will also fill the corresponding holes in my heart.
Thanks again for being here for me!
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