Birthday blues

When I was growing up, I never really had big birthday parties. For us, it was usually my family, my uncle’s family, and my grandmother. We gathered around a birhday cake with presents on the evening of the birthday, and opened presents. Then it was a dinner at a special restaurant with my family that weekend. I only remember one birthday party I had, and it was at McDonald’s, 5th grade. That was about it.

When I came over here, it was still quite the same: low key family event. During freshman year, my college suitemates threw a surprise party for me after I returned from a disappointing USC-fucla game. That was my first surprise party ever! The only other surprise party was from my HSX colleagues during my first year there. (I was walking around wanting pies that day and they got me some that afternoon!)

Anyhow, so I tried to gather friends around for a big birthday bash after that. But it never really happened. I would have a turn out of 5 people maximum. These past couple of years, when I went to other people’s parties, I would get depressed. How come I never have that many friends at my party? Am I that big of a loser??? I have never need a party full of “friends” to define me before. I guess having attended some of the parties when the beers are flowing and the music pumping, I wanted to do one with my bunch of friends too.

I forgot 2 things. First, not many of my friends are party animals. And secondly, other than Brandon’s friends, I don’t have any friends living within 10 mile radius from me.

For the past couple of years, I have been trying to be someone else. I tried to be the social butterfly and party girl…who I really am not. I finally found myself amidst all of the alluring glitz of raging parties. I’m not built like that, and neither are my friends.

So it’s back to basics for me. I called my parents. My brother called me (…he doesn’t call a lot…so it TOTALLY made my day). I spent the day with Brandon, watching “Patton” on the couch. We went to get lunch at one of my favorite junk shack, Wienerschnitzel, cracked open my sewing machine, and later on I watched as the e-Cards come in. Then we splurged on dinner so I can have sushi and sake. It’s probably one of the best birthdays I had in recent years!

The birthday present I gave to myself this year is peace, and a chance to get to know me again.

Thank you Brandon for spending the day (and the moolah) with me 🙂 And thank you everyone who sent me an e-Card (and real cards too). It means a LOT to me that you remember!

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