OakMonster’s Den

Getting ready to leave the house for the airport now.  We’re waiting on my brother.

Let me just say that I have never gotten choked up leaving the house before.  And here I am, teary-eyed just thinking about it.

It seems the past few years, the house has never been the same.  Mom was sick back then. The change was the fact that we didn’t have her out and about with us much.  Then mom got sicker, but she was still able to converse a bit.  The last time, the house once again went empty with a little bit of hope.

And now it is just empty.

We cleared out most of her stuff.  A few drawers here and there I will come back to clear out.  Emotionally, I can’t do any more tossing things out.

Everyone is adjusting well.  Dad is finally willing to let go of mom’s things in his room. We are introducing Pueng to a little bit of new policy at a time as one big sudden change would totally throw her off.  I taught her to make oatmeal for dad this morning.  She started to change her routine a bit too.  Dad and I bought a bunch of new dishes and silverware yesterday as well.

It’ll be next year before I return here.  By that point, the construction of the new family  business, Portico Langsuan, should be close to finish.  Things are going be different around here…

Alrighty.  Off I go.  See you over there!

It’s 11 p.m. on a rainy Bangkok Saturday night. And I ain’t got nobody.

Just me in dad’s office, waiting for pictures from the day we scattered my mom’s ashes to upload.

I am in such a partying mood but my partner in crime, Tong, is out of town this weekend.

But then again, it’s raining cats and dogs out there. Better not be outside puddle hopping intoxicated or out on the slippery road with drunks behind the wheels. I should definitely count my blessing.

Oh well, hell. I’m just going to party with myself then. I’ll go fetch my Guinness. You sit tight.

…

Of course, today would be the day I helped Pueng cleared out the fridge (10-year old Grey Poupon and a rusty jar of ancient marachino cherries, anyone?), so she thoroughly cleaned the inside of the fridge.

And therefore, my Guinness is room temperature.

*sigh*

It was an odd day for me today. Definitely got a bad case of cabin fever. I mean, I was ready at 10 a.m. to go see Joy and Jett, but Lily called and told me we had to go in the afternoon. Since I had the plan to go with my dad, I canceled altogether.

But then, my dad didn’t get up until noon-ish. By the time we were done with lunch, it was close to 2 p.m. Dad decided to steal a nap after that while I was waiting for him to get ready in my room. Oh, and I was working while I waited to, proofreading the Tsunami Memorial Design Competition book one last time.

So, you’d understand my dismay when I poked my head in around 4 p.m. and he has just gotten up and was brushing his teeth. I could have gone with Lily to see Joy in the afternoon instead of being at home, waiting in vain for my dad. And while waiting for him some more, I cleared out yet another drawer full of mom’s stuff.

Productive afternoon, yes. But seriously not what I have in mind.

We left the house at 6 p.m. for the mall. I did some damage there today at Zen Midnight Sale weekend with a pair of shoes (which dad, a shoe freak himself, doesn’t really mind spending money on a good pair) and some Thai spa brand bath and body stuff. Even more damaging was our dinner bill. I didn’t see the options for local fish mixed sashimi and ordered the least expensive of the imports instead. Add to that a bottle of hot sake and a green tea creme brulee (ooooh soo soooo good. Nhien, you readin’ this?), and dad’s wallet lost a little bit of weight there.

But it was a good evening out with dad though. It’s a weekend tradition for our family. Usually, it’d be Sunday evening stroll. Dad taking his sweet time waking up and leaving the house. Then again, he prefers going close to closing time so the place isn’t crowded. We shop. We have dinner. We go home.

Exactly what we did today. Dad kept convincing me to buy something nice, something expensive. He doesn’t mind spending the money when you get the bang for your buck. I on the other hand, much like my mother, keep thinking how much stuff I could get for the same amount of money if I go to Lalaisapp Alley instead.

Like Zara, the Spanish H&M, is very reasonably priced for “high end” store, but I still couldn’t bring myself to buy a $40 shirt.

Shopping right now has become quite a drag because the weakened dollars. It used to be 40-some Baht a dollar and now it’s hovering around 32. Everything I picked up in the mall that used to be cheaper here is now about the same price.

Oh, and my Guinness? About $6 for this warm can of heaven. Worth every satang (cent)!

*

ETA: It’s getting a little odd waking up this morning.  Because I was just here a month ago and now I’ve been here for almost 2 full weeks, I’m starting to feel like this–life in Bangkok–is what my life is and that my U.S. life is a dream.

But what life would it make without Guinness!  ;-)  Then again, just as I start to get comfortable here, I would be reminded of why I left in the first place.  In my social circle, everyone knows everyone here it seems.   Being in this city is like living in a fish bowl.  Someone knows someone and something you do will come back or go around somewhere.  There’s a reputation you have to maintain at all time.  Especially if you’re a girl.  So much is expected of you.

And that, my friend, is why I live in the US and not here. 

If physical pain makes you feel like you’re alive, I am VERY alive today.

I’m all sore from working out and dancing about. My voice a little raspy from singing. My allergies, thank you Tylenol Allergy Sinus, was killing me earlier.

Sitting down and getting up has been some very ALIVE moments. I haven’t even tried going all up the stairs yet. Coming up from ground floor was already interesting enough.

There is no such thing as Ibuprofen in this household. I didn’t even think about that.

I seriously am punishing myself without even thinking about it. Ah…nothing brought out the little masochist in you like your mom’s death.

But there is some hope that tomorrow afternoon, my dad and I may trade in shopping excursions and instead treat ourselves to some massages at Healthland, an everyday people’s spa. Hmm….foot massage…

So, back to yesterday. I went running/walking for a good hour and did some free weights at Polo Club while Lily played tennis with a few older tennis ladies. After the workout, Lily and I went to dinner with my Mater Dei girls. There was our complete gang of four with me, Lily, Tong and Joy who forsake her husband and their 3-month old baby for the evening.

“For you, darling, I will be there,” she said. I am so very honored!

At first it was just us, then Bim came, followed by Ple (who’s on break from school at University of Hawaii…you bitch…heheee). Then came our restaurateur extraordinaire Note. Around dessert time, Bow, Pom and the bride to be Pong showed up. Tong, Note, Lily and I split the bottle of wine and everyone split dinner and many orders of desserts.

While the rest of the working world went home, Note invited us party people back to Kinnaree Gourmet Thai for drinks and karaoke. Our hostess, Lily, Ple, Bim (who is enjoying living alone at her condo…unlike others who still live with their parents), and myself had a cocktail each and we sang our pretty little heads off and danced about like mad old ladies that we are. I think our rendition of Greatest Love of All might have driven all of Note’s customers out of the joint. But the wait staff swore to us that they didn’t hear a thing downstairs.

This morning, with a bit of a hang over, I continued attacking the drawers. I actually finished all but one at the end of the day. So, yey me!

Aunty Sida, Aunty Jitr and Aunty Jim showed up once again along with my mom’s sisters Aunty Uan and Aunty Ponn. They took more clothes and I think we may finally made a dent in mom’s collection. I found more newer photos and more really old photos, postcards from dad to mom and Ake when he was still the only child in 1973, and our hand made cards for mom and dad on Valentine’s Day and so on.

Oh, and I finally found THE Holy Book, all of my mom’s fortune telling notes. A notebook full plus extra folder filled with scribbled scraps of paper. I want to go through all of that and see what’s what. And see what else have come true with all of the predictions mom had collected all these years.

And then what did I do tonight? I attended a line dancing class with Aunty Jim at the Polo Club for 2 hours. I was supposed to be line dancing, which it was…a little bit. The first one actually was the country-fied Hustle/Electric Slide. The rest, well, you do repeat the routine, facing each of the walls of the room. But there was some cha-cha and waltzing and other things involved. In a room full of aunties, I was the first youngun ever stepped into that room, apparently. The ladies thoroughly enjoyed teasing me at first and then they got so serious about the dancing and then there was no age divide. Everyone was just dancing! And I did it well enough that the instructor gave me CDs of the songs they’re dancing too. She and Aunty Jim encouraged me to come back to the advanced class on Monday night.

Dancing was much fun and got me heated up enough to follow with some more free weights. I am still pissed off that I’m so out of it I can barely do 2 reps of 10 push-ups. A big wussy I have become. And here I am thinking I’m going to pick up capoiera when I get back stateside.

So yes, I seem to like pain right now. But endorphin is GREAT. That and alcohol together make things a lot more peachy.

Tomorrow? A full schedule, once again. Morning out to see Joy and Jett at their house. Maybe late lunch with Bua and Kitty. And then a visit to Healthland with dad. Sunday is a thank you lunch for Team Khun Noi, afternoon of shopping and dinner with the family.

Monday? Morning of clearing out more stuff. Afternoon at the bank. And evening, perhaps maybe more line dancing! Tuesday, clearing more stuff and packing and heading back to reality.

*

A funny from the Excavation Site.

One of the aunties decided to just put on one of my mom’s mu-mus while she sort through mom’s stuff. It was easier to try on things instead of having to constantly taking off her clothes in the living room/mom’s room. (It’s a well covered space.)

By the end of the day, she couldn’t find her top she came in with! It seemed that she had put it down with the rest of mom’s stuff and someone might have picked it up thinking it was my mom’s and taken it home. The aunty had to go home with a new top, picked from my mom’s pile.

“Okay, when I get home, I’m going through all of my own stuff,” exclaimed Aunty Sida. “My poor kids! If I don’t start now, they’ll be doing the same thing we are doing right now after I’m dead!”

Folks, the aunties and me had been going through mom’s stuff for about 6 hours today, including lunch break. Pueng had brought down most of mom’s clothes to the living room. We all spot her favorite outfits and marveled at all the other pieces she had collected–some of them haven’t even been worn yet! The piles threaten to drown us a few times.

This is when it really hits you that you’re not taking anything with you when you die. And that if you have a lot of stuff, think about those who left behind a little bit. Just a wee little bit!

Aunty Sida was in charge of sorting through the jewelry, separating between costume cheapies and the real deal. Aunty Jim tried to seek out a few things in the pile but ended up with a few items and the duty of hand bag sorting. Aunty Ray, who wears the same size as my mom, went through what she could put her hands on and picked out a garbage bag full of stuff.

If I can find a picture from the blessing ceremony at my brother’s wedding, you’d see my mom in this beautiful Thai silk yellow dress. As it turned out, that wasn’t hers. It was Aunty Ray’s! What happened was that in the mad dash to get to the wedding, mom had left her Thai silk dress to wear for the ceremony at home. She only brought the evening dress for the reception and the casual dress she had on. Aunty Ray, ever the good sport, ran mom back up to the hotel room and switched to wear her western dress so mom could have her Thai dress.

“Mother of the groom wearing the same outfit for the ceremony and the reception? Over my gimpy fat body!” she said.

As for me, once I was done shuttling some stuff down from my parents’ bedroom, I went through 1 regular drawer and 1 filing draw packed to the brim with her papers.

And oh my god how my mom could keep her papers! Holy hell. I mean, she kept EVERYTHING. And yet, in no particular order. Well, I think there was an order until that drawer was full then she started plopping things in another drawer. I found all three of our studying abroad files, completed with some grades, expense records in different sheets of scrap papers, and correspondence. (Onk’s letters were totally entertaining, by the way. Mine were always packed margin to margin.)

I found a letter from dad to mom in 1968, begging her to come to Oregon early. The man started off pouty (”The reasons you gave me as to why you couldn’t leave earlier are not really the reasons. Are those things more important to you than being with me? Do I not matter to you that much?”), filled with hope, and boy can my dad sprinkled on some sugar at the end (”I can’t live like this alone, without you by my side!”). Da-yam!

As all of us went through mom’s things, there would be an occasional sniffle from one corner of the room. Aunty Ray picked up my mom’s favorite outfit. She cried. Aunty Sida found the jewelry they bought together. She cried. I found some documents. I cried.

Oh, I forgot to mention that there will be part two of this with Aunty Jitt coming over tomorrow. I will help in the morning and be gone by lunch time to join my brothers and dad in visiting a friend of the family who catered the entire funeral for us for free. Also, dinner with my girls tomorrow night. It should be fun. I hope I can get a few drinks in.

Brandon, baby–I will not be putting away my files when I get home for another month. I’m sure you’d understand. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to see ANY paperwork if I can help it for a month. Heh.

*

“Mom was in my dream last night,” Onk said over lunch with the aunties. “She was sitting at a bus stop. I drove by and I had to do a double take: ‘Wait a sec. That was mom!’”

Aunty Sida said, “Oh yeah, that is totally a dream. Noi NEVER took the bus.”

For superstitious Thais, there is a difference between seeing someone in your dream and having them visiting you in your dream. Different groups believe in different ways the dead pay a visit.

According to true Buddhist belief, mom should go straight to wherever she would be, in the heavens, waiting to be reborn. But some Thais believe the spirit comes back to visit the family on the third night. Some said at the day of the cremation. And some said after the remains are scattered.

The aunties asked us if mom came to us that morning when she passed away. One said she woke up around that time just thinking about my mom long before the other aunty called her. One said that she kept teasing mom about not giving her a smile in the last few days and mom came to her that morning in a dream and said, “Here I am! I’m smiling now!”

The rest of the time, we think mom is already up on the heavens, watching over us, dropping little hints here and there that she’s there.

On the day of the cremation ceremony, it was stifling hot. I mean, I looked and felt like I had just came out of the pool and put my clothes on. Although during our procession around the crematorium, the sun was covered by clouds. Sure, the cloud and the stifling heat were signs of the rain to come. But rain was so far away.

Oddly enough, once the guests start to arrive, a cool breeze picked up and it began to sprinkle, light enough that you wouldn’t get wet, but heavy enough to cool off the entire area, making the evening pleasant. By the time we were ready to have honored guests up on the crematorium to begin the ceremony, the rain stopped completely so nobody got wet going from the seating area.

Oh, and did I mention that the parting gifts were umbrellas?

It was speculated of course that my mom, ever the Hostess with the Most-est, was making sure everyone was comfortable through the ordeal by working with the weather gods.

Also, mom was never the sun-and-sea kind of person. She was sensitive to the sun and couldn’t swim. And, like mother like daughter, she got motion sick easily too. Since we’re smack dab in the middle of monsoon season, we braced for choppy waters where we were going to scatter her ashes. But nope. The sea was calm. Sky blue. Beautiful day at the beach.

Mom was a scaredty cat. She was afraid of the water (because she couldn’t swim), the geckos (see?), blood, scary movies, action movies, people getting hurt, cockroaches, driving, computers, cats, big dogs, you name it! I believe that she hasn’t come to “visit” us because she didn’t want to scare us. Onk believes that with mom being afraid of ghosts, she is probably scared of herself.

But I think she may have visited me early this morning. The aunties seemed to think so.

I woke up at 5 till 4 a.m. with a start. I felt the bed shook…well…more like a low rumble, the way a low level earthquake feels. I started to think that I was dreaming and besides, if it was an earthquake, I should probably get to the door jamb. I went to open the door, stood underneath it and held the frame. It rumbled there too. But it could be my A/C doing the vibrating, so I touched the floor outside the bedroom, and that was rumbling. I didn’t hear any truck or anything outside. I stood there for a few more moments and everything stopped.

I went back to bed and turned on the TV perhaps to catch the news about a big quake somewhere else that could’ve shaken Bangkok like what happened a few months ago. Nothing on CNN or BBC. Local news wasn’t really breaking news but a guy going over today’s newspapers. (Yeah, I know. There are a lot of those “news” shows in the morning here.) After another half hour or so, I went back to sleep.

I asked if anyone else felt the earthquake last night. Onk, of all people, should have felt it because his room is on the 4th floor mezzanine. Nope. Nothing. Both he and dad said if there was an earthquake, it would’ve been on the news.

I checked the US geological survey against the one in the UK and the closest quake was in the far end of Indonesia. No way would I have felt that here.

The aunties conclude that it was mom visiting me. Onk and dad think I sleepwalked. I still think it was a mild earthquake that may not have registered on the scale. I just happened to be awake at the right moment.

Or something like that.

First of all, some of the pictures are up on my Flickr set. Yep. There are some humor there too. More are coming as soon as I get around to upload the rest.

It’s odd how during this very sad time for me and for my mom’s friends, we managed to find some humor along the way. Well, most of the funnies came from Team Khun Noi’s #1 Clown, Aunty Ray.

Aunty Ray, one of my mom’s best friends, had a stroke several years ago but recovered beautifully. Her Donald Duck level temper and sharp wits are still intact. (Okay, temper is less…it seems she mellows as she ages, hehe…) She has been on both receiving and doling ends of the teasing going around with the aunties, of course, to all of our delight.

*

Aunty Ray: I’m not old. I’m only 20!

Aunty Uan [Mom’s younger sister]: What, did you put the other 45 years in the bank to get interests?

*

My mom is the first one of the bunch that passed away at this age. I remembered another one of their friends died in a car accident many many many years ago.

Aunty Jim: Ray, you’re next in line because you have the same birthday as Noi.

Aunty Ray: That’s great. Everyone wants me dead already. Isn’t one stroke enough for you guys?

Aunty Sida: Wait a minute! She can’t die first.

Aunty Ray: Why not?

Aunty Sida: I have to go next. I don’t want to be last. With all the money and effort I’ll invest in all of your funerals, there won’t be any money or friends left when it’s my turn!

*

To limit the temptations on the monks caused by the women, any physical contacts between monks and women are prohibited. That rules also apply to appropriate way to dress when you are in the presence of monks. One of mom’s lesser friends came to the wake in a low cut shirt one evening. The next day when she returned, Aunty Ray greeted her at the door.

Aunty Ray: The wake has been cancelled today. You can go home now.

Aunty ScoopNeck: What? What happened?

Aunty Ray: We had no monks.

Aunty ScoopNeck: What do you mean?!

Aunty Ray: After you wai (bow to) the monks last night, they all had to quit being monks.

*

My dad is notorious for being late, taking his sweet time to get ready to go somewhere. Everything has to go according to his order if nobody presses him to move, that can take a while. So far, everyone has been quite surprised that my dad hasn’t been late to any of mom’s funeral anything.

So, after offering lunch to the monks before the cremation preparation proceedings, some folks change into the more formal wear. Like my brothers were in just white/black polos for the afternoon. They changed into the white shirts and ties for after. So, some of the aunties were going to Aunty Sida’s home to change.

Aunty Ray: Where’s your dad?

Me + Brother: He went to get changed.

Aunty Ray [panicked]: He what?? He didn’t go home, did he?

Me + Bro: Oh, no. He just went to get his jacket and tie from the car.

Aunty Ray: Oh thank Buddha! I thought if he went home, by the time he gets back, your mom would’ve been reborn already.

*

The voyage to scatter my mom’s ashes went well. It was a beautiful day out east. More stories and pictures tomorrow.

Aunty Sida wrote a beautiful eulogy for my mom. We were all in tears yesterday, proof reading the thing. I’m not sure if I can do justice translating, but I’ll try.

Khun Noi was born on November 29, 1941. She was the third of four daughters of Mr. Suvit and Mrs. Lamiad in Surat Thani Province [in the south of Thailand]. Noi received her elementary education in Baan Poang district in Ratchaburi province, then to St. Joseph Convent School and Amporn Paisarn School in Bangkok. After graduating from high school, she continued her studies in the UK. With an associates degree from secretary school, Noi returned to Bangkok and worked at Rama Hotel.

It was in England where Khun Noi met Khun Jed. They were each other’s first loves. The courtship began there and they remained close while Jed continued his studies in Oregon. Noi followed him to the U.S. where they got married. She remained by his side while he attended graduate school.

Upon their return to Thailand, they began their family life. Noi and Jed had 3 children together. The oldest Ake is married to Pim. The second son is Onk. And the youngest daughter Oakley is married to Brandon and they live in the U.S.

All of her life, Khun Noi had put everything into her family, keeping close eyes on her children’s education and well being. She also took care of all of her family members and friends. Nobody was ever left unassisted if assistance was needed. She never said no. Her house had become the hub for her friends and their children. Everyone knew Aunty Noi and adored her as if she was their second mother.

Khun Noi had always been the healthier one of the bunch. She quite literally flit around everywhere. She was always pleasant and had a wicked sense of humor. Every time she came back from a check up, she would tell her friends how he felt sorry for her husband because her results were impeccable.

“I think I’m one of those wives who age fast but wouldn’t die fast enough,” she said. Her friends laughed at that.

But in November 2005, Khun Noi went in for her usual check up. This time, the hospital first reported that something was wrong with her heart. She went back for a second opinion and indeed they found a mass in her lung. It turned out to be cancer. She had an operation to remove the tumor and continued to live normally. After 9 months, we found out that the cancer had metastasized to her brain and her liver. She bravely went through radiation and chemotherapy respectively. But she finally succumbed to the disease. Khun Noi passed away peacefully on Tuesday, August 21, 2007. [Bangkok time].

Her unexpected death brought on much sorrow for her family and friends. We believe that everyone here today feels that loss.

If Khun Noi’s spirit could hear us, we would like to tell her that we love her very much. To us, she has never really left. She will always be in our hearts and memories forever.

With all the good karma she had in this life time, we pray that Khun Noi’s spirit will enter the heavens where she truly belongs.

Khun Noi was 65 years and 9 months old.

And here’s the Thai version for your reference.

คุณจงดี เกิดเมื่อวันที่ 29 พฤศจิกายน 2484 เป็นบุตรีคนที่ 3 ของนายสุวิทย์ และนางละเมียด บิดาเป็นคหบดีของจังหวัดสุราษฎร์ จึงได้ส่งคุณจงดี เข้ามาศึกษาเบื้องต้นที่ โรงเรียนบ้านโป่ง ราชบุรี และได้มาศึกษาต่อที่โรงเรียนเซ็นต์โยเซฟคอนแวนต์ และอัมพรไพศาล ตามลำดับ จนจบชั้นเตรียมอุดมศึกษา ได้ไปศึกษาที่ประเทศอังกฤษ จนจบวิชาเลขานุการ และได้กลับมาทำงานที่โรงแรมรามา

ในขณะที่ศึกษาอยู่ที่ประเทศอังกฤษนั้น คุณจงดีได้พบกับคุณเจตกำจร รักครั้งแรกของทั้งสองได้เริ่มต้น ณ. ที่นั่น เมื่อคุณเจตกำจรจบการศึกษาขั้นปริญญาตรี จึงได้สมรสกับคุณจงดีที่สหรัฐอเมริกา และอยู่ด้วยกันจนกระทั่งคุณเจตกำจรศึกษาจบปริญญาโท

เมื่อกลับมากรุงเทพ ทั้งสองได้มีบุตรธิดาด้วยกัน 3 คน บุตรคนโตชื่อ วรากร ได้ทำการสมรสกับ สุริชยา บุตรคนที่สองชื่อ องคฤทธิ์ พรหมโยธี และธิดาคนสุดท้องชื่อ วรวรัย ได้ทำการสมรสกับ แบรนดอน และได้ใช้ชีวิตอยู่ที่สหรัฐอเมริกากับสามี

ตลอดชีวิตของคุณจงดี ได้ทุ่มเมความรักให้กับครอบครัว ดูแลให้การศึกษาลูกเป็นอย่างดีทุกคน ในขณะเดียวกันคุณจงดีก็ไม่เคยทอดทิ้งพี่น้อง เพื่อนฝูง ไม่ว่าใครๆ จะขอร้องให้คุณจงดีช่วยทำอะไร ก็ไม่เคยปฏิเสธ จะเต็มใจช่วยเหลือเสมอ บ้านของคุณจงดีจะเป็นศูนย์กลางของเพื่อนแทบทุกคน ลูกๆ ของเพื่อนจะรู้จักน้าน้อย และรักน้าน้อยมากเหมือนเป็นแม่อีกคน

คุณน้อยเป็นคนที่มีสุขภาพแข็งแรงมาก คล่องแคล่ว ว่องไว อารมณ์ดี เช่นทุกปีที่คุณน้อยไปตรวจสุขภาพก็จะมาบอกเพื่อนๆ ทุกครั้งว่า สงสารคุณเจตจังเลย เพราะผลที่ตรวจออกมาดีมาก สงสัยคุณน้อยจะเป็นภรรยาประเภทที่แก่งายตายยาก เพื่อนๆ ก็ยังหัวเราะกัน

แต่มาปีพ.ศ. 2548 ประมาณเดือนพฤศจิกายน คุณน้อยไปตรวจสุขภาพตามปกติ คราวนี้คุณน้อยบอกว่า โรงพยาบาลตรวจพบสิ่งผิดปกติที่หัวใจ คุณน้อยจึงไปตรวจซ้ำ จึงพบว่าเป็นมะเร็งที่ปอด ได้ทำการผ่าเอาก้อนเนื้อร้ายออกที่โรงพยาบาลจุฬา คุณน้อยก็อยู่ต่อมาได้อีก 9 เดือน ก็มาพบว่ามะเร็งลุกลามไปที่ตับกับสมอง จึงได้ทำการรักษาด้วยการฉายแสง และให้คีโม แต่ก็ไม่สามารถจะยับยั้งการลุกลามของโรคร้ายนี้ได้ คุณน้อยจึงได้จากไปอย่างสงบเมื่อเช้าวันที่ 21 สิงหาคม 2550

การจากไปอย่างไม่คาดคิดของคุณน้อยในครั้งนี้ นำความโศกเศร้าและอาลัยให้กับทางครอบครัว เพื่อนฝูง ญาติมิตรเป็นอย่างยิ่ง ซึ่งเชื่อว่าท่านทั้งหลายที่อยู่ ณ.ที่นี้คงจะมีความรู้สึกเช่นเดียวกัน

ถ้าดวงวิญญาณของคุณน้อยสามารถจะรับรู้ได้ พวกเราก็อยากจะบอกกับคุณน้อยว่า เรารักคุณน้อย และในความรู้สึกของพวกเรา คุณน้อยมิได้จากไปไหน คุณน้อยยังอยู่กับเราเสมอไม่ว่าจะนานแค่ไหนก็ตาม

ด้วยกุศลผลบุญที่คุณน้อยได้สร้างไว้ในภพนี้ ขอจงโปรดดลบันดาลให้ดวงวิญญาณของคุณน้อยไปสู่สรวงสวรรค์ชั่วนิรันดร

สิริรวมอายุได้ 65 ปี 9 เดือน

It’s strange to feel like a total stranger with your own family.

I have been back 3 days now.  Friends of mom’s, dad’s and brothers have been pouring in and out of the place.  Everyone is buzzing about, working on the funeral details or talking to guests.

And here I am, the usual Hostess of Everything, the Director of Fun, sitting awkwardly all by her lonesome just to get out of the way.

Obviously, being the one far away when everything happened didn’t put me in the decision process.  And not being resourceful in Bangkok also put me out in the helping out department.

A friend of dad’s is going to MC the cremation ceremony tomorrow and had asked us to provide him with mom’s bio.  Dad asked me to write it.  And I said, I could do a eulogy/bio sort of thing for mom with input from the aunties but it’ll be in English.  Someone will have to translate and type it up in Thai.

So we turned to Aunty Sida, ever the word smith, for this one.

In any usual circumstances, I would do the most useful thing I can by taking pictures.  I did bring the D40 but then traditions got in the way.  One, it wasn’t all that appropriate for the daughter of the deceased to be wandering around taking pictures.  And secondly, for the pictures I’d really want to see, not just the generic blah pictures, I’d be maneuvering around every which way and that won’t be appropriate either.

My brothers are all busy doing something more useful and they keep sending me back inside the sala to converse with the guests.

Converse with the guests?  Most of these people I don’t know.  The other half start off with, “Oh my god, how you’ve grown!” or “How have you been?” which trailed off into many awkward pauses and gaze avoidance.  I have resorted to use the, “Please excuse me. I have something to attend to inside” or something to leave all awkward conversations.

Anyway.  Here I am, most of the evening, sitting there wall flowering (and there isn’t any wallpaper to flower at!)  at my mom’s funeral with a camera I can’t really use.  I feel as useful as a spoon in a knife fight.

**

The wake continues to be a Mega Love Fest for my mother.  More wreaths arrived and we absolutely ran out of space yesterday.  With some assistance from Aunty Tim, the wreath from my office is one of the latest to arrive.  It’s huge and it’s beautiful.  My dad put it up there in the back row close to mom’s coffin.

Yesterday was hosted by dad’s office and my oldest brother’s group of friends.  Despite all awkwardness, it was good to get reconnected with some of my brother’s old friends.  They haven’t changed a bit, this bunch from the sports club.  Some got married.  Some engaged.  One is may be available and he’s become quite a good looking guy.

Oh wait.  Did I just say that out loud just now?  Heh.

A few more friends from Mater Dei came by last night as well.  And thank god for the friends!  At least I didn’t feel like such a tool.

The day before that, the whole bunch of my MD girls came.  The support was overwhelming for me, especially to get to talk to one of them whose dad passed away unexpectedly just over a month ago.  Look up BFF in a dictionary and you’ll find my Mater Dei class there.  Friends you haven’t seen in ages, still turned up at your mom’s funeral in drove, and sending you warm messages from all over the world.  They also sent a school supply basket in lieu of a wreath.  After this, the temple can give the basket to the temple kids.  Something my mom would’ve really loved.

I told the big group as much as I appreciate them having been there, they came in on the wrong day.  Last night would’ve been better for the single girls, I told them.  My brother’s friends were everywhere.  Did I mention the good looking one?

Anyways.  Tonight is the last night of the wake/prayers.  Sunday is cremation and Monday is off to the sea.

Thank you everyone for stopping by and leaving your thoughtful messages!

Sawaddee my friends!

Thank you for your messages. I left in such a big hurry and I couldn’t be more specific with the details. I apologize.

First, the Red Cross Society. Here is the website. Please select “To support the Thai Red Cross activities”. The money will be going to the general fund. You can donate in USD. Once you click through the process, it’ll ask who you are donating on behalf of. Go ahead and say that it is in honor of Mrs. Chongdee Phromyothi.

My mom is at Wat That Thong (at the foot of the Ekamai BTS station), Sala 7. The monks start the chanting at 7 p.m. between now and Sunday. On Sunday, the cremation ceremony will be held at 4 p.m.

**

The flight was smooth and once again, it’s soooo good to fly straight through. Plus, I was very lucky with my tickets. It seemed I paid a very small price for an overbooked Economy seating so I ended up in Premium Economy with even roomier seat and real silverware! The flight attendants also moved me from my window seat after seating another passenger in the window seat.

“We’ll put you over here in the middle seat, so you can have the whole row to yourself.”

It’s good to look young. They thought I was a teenager traveling alone, as I found out! Hahaha! The lady who moved me wasn’t going to serve me wine, and that how we got things straightened out.

“You’re not 18, are you?” You have to be 18 on the international flight to be served alcohol, apparently.

“Would you believe me if I told you I’m 30?”

This 40-ish-looking flight attendant (which probably means she’s older than that) said, “If you’re 30, that makes me 15.” She laughed and poured me wine.

Oh, and yes, I did go shopping. Lily scored a 30-50% discount coupon at Central Department Store. We found 3 black “respectable” (read: not from the bargain Lalaisapp Alley for a change!) items each for less than $100. I am set for the funeral now. I did grab as many black items I could find from home, but I wasn’t sure if they’d be appropriate.

Speaking of which, I lost my mom’s skirt somehow. A few trips ago, she had given me this black chiffony skirt. I wore that to work a few weeks ago and I swore I washed it. I wanted to wear it for the funeral, but we flipped the house looking for the thing and it was nowhere to be found.

I think mom took it back or hid it somewhere so that I would buy new skirts. Not liking my choice of clothing? That sounds like mom to me. Hahah!

**

This is the picture we use for her funeral. This was Mommy at my oldest brother’s wedding. Her hair had just fallen out from chemo so she was working the wig. And worked it she did! Look at her!

Like one of those paintings that follow you around the room, people keep saying that no matter where you sit in the funeral, you can see her beaming at you.

She always smiles at her guests, my mother. Even from beyond, she still is the hostess with the mostest!

Last night was my first night at the temple. You wouldn’t believe the amount of funeral wreaths sent to her! I mean, Thai wreaths are like 3 ft. and up in size! (I’ll take some pictures tonight). We have to juggle the one inside, next to the coffin, with the VIPs who are hosting the evening’s praying and any other important guests who would be coming. For example, last night was hosted by Nike, my brother’s employer and tonight a co-hosting by my dad’s company and my sister-in-law’s company.

But anyway, we ran out of space for the flowers inside the funeral parlor…I guess that what we’ll call it in English…and yes, our “sala” is A/C. Traditionally, a “sala” is essentially a huge gazebo. More wreaths lined the outside. We would have to double up on the outdoor rows as the nights go.

Also overflowing out of the sala were guests. My mom’s friends and our family turn up from everywhere. We had to set extra chairs outside. And we almost ran out of those too.

She was much loved. Still is.

At some point, her friends and my mom’s side of the family were discussing the transportation to get to the scattering of her ashes. They couldn’t agree on who should do it and how they should do it. Aunty Sida turned to my mom’s coffin.

“Noi!” She blurted out my mom’s nickname. Everyone went quiet for a second. She continued to address the coffin.

“Can you make up their minds for them, please? They’re driving me up the wall!”

Everyone laughed.

Aunty Sida is my mom’s bestest friend since high school. They’ve been through everything together. The message on her wreath for my mom said, “I love you. From Sida and Tenn (her son).” She hand-wrote on it, just under I love you, “And I will be your best friend in every life after this.”

Another funny thing happened at the sala. My mom hated cats. And yet this one black temple kitten kept following me all over the sala earlier in the evening. Well, I did pet her first. And also true, I did have a sandwich in my hand, but that wasn’t the point. I even talked to her in English and she understood. Well, I didn’t shoo her out, but pointed her out, pointed and said, “Out!” and closed the glass door behind her. But she managed to come back in behind some guests to see me later but left once the place got crowded.

Oh, Brandon. I wish I could take her home. A skinny short haired Thai mutt of a kitten!

Sunday is the cremation. Monday morning, about 40 of family and friends are off to Sattaheep to the Navy yard, get on a ship and scatter mom somewhere in the ocean. (Thank GOD I have extra Bonine for the sea voyage! Y’all know about me and boats.)

And after that, since I’m the only one not working, I’ll be sorting through her belongings and coordinate with the aunties for donation.

My mom was a fashionista. Originally, she had 2 closets. When I left, she took over mine too plus adding 2 removable racks where my desk is. Going through all of that by myself is going to be like hacking my way through the Amazon rain forest with a Swiss army knife.

Anyways. That is pretty much what I’ll be doing for the next two weeks.

Again, thank you guys for stopping by and for your kind words. I will keep you updated.

My mom passed away around 5:30 p.m. PST or 7:30 a.m. August 21 Bangkok time.

I’m taking the 11 p.m. flight out tonight. It’s a non-stop from LAX to BKK so there will be no update until I get there.

If you’d like to do anything, please check out Thai Red Cross Society website and make a donation. That’s my mom’s favorite charity. May it be meals for the infirmed monks, or disaster relief. Whatever you’d pick. I’d link this for you guys but I don’t have time right now.

Those in Thailand, we will be at Wat That Thong, Sala 7. Cremation ceremony is scheduled for this Sunday.

So, off I go. Will be back to update once I getover there and settle in.

I slept from 8:30 p.m. to 10 a.m. this morning.

Yes, that would be PST. I am back, y’all.

I did wake up, startled, a few times last night, a little disoriented as where I was and what time it was, and I tossed and turned for a good hour or so around 3-4 a.m. Brandon handed me the phone around 6 a.m. which I muttered something to Nhien. I don’t really remember what I said then and she told me later she didn’t understand what I said either but figured that meant I wasn’t coming in today.

Well, at least I didn’t leave a message in Thai.

I am employing the “staying in the sun during daylight hour” method the best I can to beat the jet lag. I drudged out to get lunch and some grocery shopping all over town and probably will get back out and wash the car here in a minute. I actually don’t really remember my drive. This is a little scary.
My body thinks it’s almost 6 a.m. so I think I’ll feel less groggy soon.

Oh god. The bed looks really really comfy…it’s dark in there…and cool…..

Arrrrgh!!!

Partly, I think the reason why I just want to crawl into bed and stay there is the piece of news from dad last night.

They met with oncologist and he confirms that there is a cancer spot in my mom’s left lung, the side untouched originally. They didn’t see it earlier at the other hospital because it was the spot behind her heart. The new x-ray came in from a different angle and that is when they saw it.

Pretty much all we can do is treat whatever conditions mom has aside from cancer. Right now, it’s the lung infection. And whatever is going on with her digestive tracks. Yet another mystery to solve. Can someone please call Dr. House?

Dad said we’re looking at a month or two. But hey, mom has marched on for two years…not too good of a quality of life the past 4 months, given…but hey, she’s still around.

Dad also said to be prepared for the worst. “Tamm Jai” in Thai, literally means “prepare your heart”, but pretty much for you to accept what is to come, to surrender to the inevitable.

I told him that I am prepared.

It was really hard leaving mom’s side the other day. I did ask if she’d miss me, and she blinked “yes”. I said goodbye and my voice started to quiver.

I didn’t cry in front of her. She doesn’t need that. Not from me.

Can I just go to sleep and wake up when I need to go home? Can I? Please?