Poor Matt…

Matt of Nip/Tuck is probably the most fucked up teenager on television today. So here’s the list of why Matt’s life sucks.

1. You found out your dad isn’t your dad, but his best friend is.

2. Your real dad is the one who took you to a strip joint and tried to get you laid with a professional. (But you didn’t know you’re father and son then.)

3. Your first girlfriend wouldn’t do it with you because you’re not circumcised.

4. So you tried to circumcise yourself, bled out, fainted, and your dads have to fix your penis.

5. Your parents fought, seperated, got back together kind of, then divorced. But then you came home one day and found them taking post coitus nap on your bed.

6. While seperated, your mom took too many pain pills and too much alcohol, fell through sliding glass door, and almost died.

7. You found out after everyone else that the lover, the first woman you ever slept with, is a man…

8. …after he/she dumped you, and moved out of the country…

9. …and then you found his/her “son’s” rotting corpse in her house.

10. You tried to score with another transexual but got a chick with a dick.

11. You got beaten up by said chick and his friends.

12. Your grandmother smoked out with you. And what you didn’t know is that, your mom joined you grandmother later to smoke your stash in your room while you were gone.

13. You found out your real dad did your lover and that was how the parents came to find out about the lover being a man.

Nip/Tuck fans out there, what else am I missing here?

1 Comment

  1. Michael   •  

    14. well there’s also the fact that he is now an alcoholic whose dope up on uppers and downers given to him by his real dad

    15…which led his parents to have an intervention that ended with his other dad punching him in the face (which he deserved)

    16. not to mention that he looks like a skin head now, but it’s better than the michael jackson look he had going on before

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