OakMonster’s Den

Got tagged by Rachael. I decided to move it off of MySpace into here.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what’s the first thing you think?
I hate my fucking glasses…

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$7 … with $20 in reserve, tucked neatly behind my membership cards.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “TEST”?
Jest

4. Favourite planet?
Druidia.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Nobody. Just got a brand new SIM and I only missed 2 calls so far.

6. What is your favourite ring on your phone?
Tainted Love

7. What shirt are you wearing?
Black turtleneck

8.Do you label yourself?
Of course not. A Freakazoid Demi-geek doesn’t succumb to such social pressure.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing right now.
Not wearing any shoes right now. But they’re Champions socks…

10. Bright or Dark Room?
After being bright and cheery all day, I need a dark room.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
I still don’t know Rachael very well, mainly by reputation. But I sure like her style!

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Probably still awake, thinking about all sorts of things.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
No message. See #5.

16. What’s a saying that you say a lot?
Dude! Fuckin’ eh! Lovely.

17. Who told you they loved you last?
Brandon. This morning.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
My coat.

19. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days?
2. Sugar and caffeine.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
None.

21. Favourite age you have been so far?
28. Been 29 for 15 days and it’s nothing but trouble!

22. Your worst enemy?
The couch and the TV. They set up the trap for me every frellin’ day and I always fall for it.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
My friend’s pet chincilla Bartelby with his head stuck in a toilet paper core.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
“Lemme go change.”

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?
Million bucks. The past is the past. I have a future with a million bucks.

26. Do you like someone?
Um. Yeah. I like people. Don’t YOU like SOMEONE?

27. The last song you listened to?
Head over feet. Alanis. On the radio in the car.

28. Imagine you are 89 years old and you’re sitting in a rocking chair and thinking about your life so far. In one sentence, sum it all up–
Yep. This is a good life.

“Hey dad.”

“Hi honey. Mom’s in the shower. So…why don’t we just say I’ve just told you the news, huh?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Here’s mom.”

“So, mom. I’ve heard for your birthday you’ve got yourself some cancer, eh?”

“[laugh] Oh, jeez. Why does dad has to go and tell you like that!?”

So yeah. Mom’s in good spirit. Good enough to laugh at my jokes and make her own as you’ll read here.

I still fucking hate cancer.

Chemo starts next week. I’m under order not to worry. Because if I’m worried, then she’s worried. And that’s not good for her.

As for me coming home in February, she pretty much vetoed that idea. She doesn’t want me to see her sick. See her order in the first paragraph. She wants me to see her when she’s healthy again so we can actually spend quality time together.

I told her I could hold her hair while she pukes. But she said she probably won’t have any hair by then.

“Have dad save your plane ticket money for my chemo.”

But that’s the thing. I WANT TO SEE HER NO MATTER WHAT. That’s the time she needs her kids the most whether she wants us there or not. I told her I love her and she handed dad back the phone.

“So, dad. About February…”

“You just worry about getting your days off. And don’t listen to mom.”

I think we’re going to make this trip a covert one. So if you know me or my mother and reading this, keep it on the hush hush, okay?

She starts hiding things from me first. So now we’re doing it right back. Hah!
Silver Girl Amy left me a note about her friend Erika who’s survived Stage III breast cancer. That was a moral boost I needed. So, thanks folks for your support. I’m hanging in there.

As long as my mom is upbeat, so am I.

“Hi, mom. Happy Birthday! The maid said you and Aunty Aor are heading to the doctors so I called you on your cell.”

“Oh, thank you, sweetie! Yeah we’re on our way again. The morning appointment was cancelled so this is round two. Why don’t you call back tonight when your dad and your brothers are home and we’ll talk?”

“Dad and Onk aren’t home? Where the heck are they?? How dare they leaving you alone on your birthday!?!?”

“Oh they’re in Chiang Mai. They’ll be back for dinner with me tonight. Call me when you wake up then, okay?”

“You’ll tell me what the doctors say tonight, okay?”

“Okay. Love you. Bye.”

What a bunch of lies.

According to my dad who called from out of town last night, during the conversation you’ve just read, I have absolutely no idea they have found a grape-size cancer in my mom’s liver on Friday. She went in for her routine 3-month x-ray and blood work, and they found the damn cancer in her liver.

It wasn’t fucking there 3 months ago! And now, here it is. The size of a grape.

Metastatic lung cancer is what it is–the lung cancer that has spreaded to the liver. According to dad, they haven’t found any trace of any other cancer anywhere else. But this is stage IV my friend, it’s in her blood stream so it’ll pop up anywhere and anytime. The research I’ve read so far, she could have one in the brain too. I wonder if they did a CAD scan.

According to dad again, the doctors are putting her on maximum dose of chemo very soon. I think she might have just gone in today for her first dose. May be. I don’t know. Of course I don’t fucking know. I’m not supposed to know about this whole damn liver at this point!

And why they didn’t fucking put her on chemo after her surgery last time is beyond me. And everyone was fine with it. Dad said the chief surgeon was confident she doesn’t need chemo. And the rest of the doctors concurred. They said that if that was all the cancer there was, chemo would’ve just wrecked her health. So they didn’t go for it.

And guess what, assholes. Here it fucking is, eating up my mom’s liver.

What has she ever done to deserve this stupid cancer anyway? She doesn’t smoke. She doesn’t drink. Hell, she gave up red meat almost 15 years ago. My oldest brother who smoked should’ve gotten it. My other brother who drinks should’ve gotten it. I who love beef should’ve gotten it.

Like dad jests, she’s suffering for all of our sins.

Dad wanted me to be prepared for this news. I’ll hear it from mom’s own mouth in about 10 hours. That’s what mom was pushing for, the conversation with the family. Dad also wants me to prepare for the fact that we won’t have mom with us forever.

Being a buddhist, we ALL should know that. You’re born. You age. You get sick. You die. That’s the cycle. No one can escape that.

But I’m not willing to accept defeat yet. I’m nowhere near ready to give up my mom. As far away as I am. As much as I have that love-hate thing with my mom, I DO LOVE MY MOM.

I’m sure my mom’s not giving up either. Hell, all the Aunties would kick her ass if she even mutters the notion. They won’t let her give up like that. And neither will I.

Call it false hope. But I’m not giving up my mom to this stupid cancer.

Fuck the statistics! I’m sure my mom will stick around with us until she sees a grand child. And I ain’t having mine unless she’s going to be around to raise him/her. If she wants to see her half-and-half grandchild, she’ll have to stick around!

After I hear from the horse’s mouth, then we’ll plan my trip home for my brother’s wedding in February.

And make future plan just in case of a surrender…

Thai-Blogs.com, yet another place Oakley does her writing, is getting into some financial crunch. Thai-Blogs and many other portal to Thailand and Thai cultures started by Richard Barrow, an expat living in Thailand, have been serving the community for some time. As they gain popurarity, the cost of operations goes up.

So, help Richard and his crew keeping these wonderful sites alive! See the Million Baht Project link on the right hand side to help out.

It’s Sunday after Thanksgiving afternoon, and most of my Christmas presents are bought and wrapped.

Yep. Right on schedule on that one. We won’t put up Christmas tree this year, so I piled all the gifts in front of the book shelf instead. Did I already tell you why there will be no tree this year? I don’t remember, so here goes again. We’ll be moving in February so I didn’t want to bring out the tree and then had to turn around and pack it right back. Too much work.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner at Shane’s house with Shane’s dad and daughter. We watched Batman Begins, had pies and port. Lovely evening.

On Friday I worked on the presents almost all day, and I planned to roast up the turkey breast I bought on Monday. The turkey went bad. We started to regret not taking home any leftover turkey from Shane’s house. We did all of our laundry too.

Saturday it was errands galore, and even hit the mall and managed to walk out pretty much unscathed. We marched into JC Penney for yet another electric blanket. The one we bought last year is half burned out. On my side of the bed, to get the bed lukewarm I had to turn it up to 15. The dial goes up to 19. It used to be 3 when the blanket was working properly. Anyhoo, we bought the same blanket again, plus new pillows. On to Target for a few more other things and surprisingly not a lot of folks are in Target. Must all be at the real mall. I made lasagna for dinner. I had wine, and my goal for the evening pretty much went out the window.

It’s Sunday at 2:43 p.m. I have 3 Flash projects to do. One being homework I couldn’t figure out from last week. One for this week. And my group project. I felt overwhelm. And it’s Sunday afternoon…

*sigh*

I dreamed about Dr. Gregory House the other night. That I was a new doctor to join his team, following Dr. Cameron around on my first case with the team. We were doing some research well into the night and I fell asleep on the couch in the office. House tapped me on the leg with his cane, and woke me up. He sat down in the chair next to me. Some sort of conversation went on which somehow I got up, leaned in, kissed him, then got up and walked away.

Yeah. I have a wee little bit of a crush on Hugh Laurie’s Gregory House. Hugh Laurie is just, well, dreamy. There I go again with the scruffy, funny, and brooding type. Sheesh. I caught myself swooning all over the place during last night’s episode. I can’t frelling believe this is the same guy that play Stuart Little’s dad! Jesus Joseph and Vishnu!

I may have mentioned before but I judge acting by the eyes. The eyes tell all. The madness of Hannibal Lector–notice he doesn’t blink as much and his eyes are blank. You can literally see the life leaves the body of Kevin Spacey’s Jack in LA Confidential. The twinkling mischief in Dr. House and the tenderness for his ex-girlfriend Stacey (Sela Ward).

Swoon!

Yes. A lot of swooning going on these past few days. All over the Brits, too. This trend is not going away! Holy hell, I may have just moved to the wrong country!

Only one turkey can be pardoned today…

And it just ain’t your day, Mr. President.

come again, well, perhaps after New Year’s day?

Yep. The sore throat-fever combo is back. So I’ve been resting all day, didn’t eat much of anything but tylenol, scrambled eggs, and a big pot of hot water + honey + lemon (thanks be to the Demi-Boss for her bountiful lemon tree).

Hopefully this is not going to turn into strep…

Just want to drop a line to say that I had a great time Friday night at the joint b-day party for me and Shane. Well, it was really Shane’s party and a few of my friends and I happened to be there. Unexpectedly there was a band, and dancing commenced. I ended up buying people drinks instead of people buying mine. As I said, it was Shane’s party. Who cared! I had fun.

Saturday, we ordered Thai food for brunch, and then Lee and I went off to meet up with Nora, her sisters, and her mother to see “Pride & Prejudice”. I had thought it might just be all mushy and boring, but it wasn’t. It was quite fun to watch. And the guy who played Mr. Darcy is quite cute. He reminded me of John Cusack. But there I go with that quiet passion hotness thing. i.e. Joaquin Phoenix in The Village. It’s the guy that you watch them being so in love with the girl, would do anything for her, but he just won’t say it or demand of her to give anything back.

Swoon.

Oh yeah. And USC kicked ass Saturday night. What a game! Kudos to Fresno State though. They did REALLY well.

Saw HP at a private screening last night. It KICKS major ass.

Yes, the effects are really really good. The chemistry between the kids are as fun as always. This one doesn’t putt around, showing off the school or lingering over small details to please fans. It went straight to the meat of the story. As a fan, I love that.

Also, if you’re a fan of Dobbie and that whole S.P.E.W. thing from the book, you’ll be disappointed as there’s not a peep about that here. For the rest of us, THANK GOD!

Ralph Finnes is superb at Voldemort. Absolutely superb.

And Cedric Diggory is such a cutie. Spoiler >> Damn shame he had to die.

Hooray to “Yvette Ramos”!!!

Never felt so loved on my birthday like I did this year. Thank you all who remembered! And all my out-of-state friends who called, bless your hearts!

And my Northwest Corner (of the office) Kittens, you guys ROCK. You know, I didn’t need dinner tonight after all you’ve fed me at lunch!

Of course, my poor hubby who stayed home with a boo boo in his belly, managed to have enough energy to help me do dishes, carry up grocery, and drive me out to float our kratongs. I wish you can have more pep in your step for YOUR sake, baby. Not for me.

Oh yeah. The kratong story. Well, let’s just say that I totally underestimated the flammability of American craft styrofoam…

I’ll put link up on here once I finished writing for Thai-Blogs.com about my experience.

Oaks’ work is never done. Must go attend to gazillion other chores I have to finish tonight because tomorrow night I’ll be at the advanced screening of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!!!!! (I do too love you, Goddess Irena!)

Sleep? What sleep? I only got 5 hours of it last night…