Music!

It’s back in my life!

Finally cleared enough boxes away so I can shuffle everything off the piano area and bench. It’s the first time I actually sat and played and sang in this apartment! Yey, me!

And I played my standards. Five for Fighting’s Superman (It’s not easy), Billy Joel’s And so it goes, and spurts of Sound of Music and Star Wars Theme.

Somehow I ended up playing Wind Beneath My Wings. Please, don’t boo me just yet.

And I cried, singing it.

I never noticed how it reminds me of my mom.

When the song came out in Thailand years and years ago, every time they played it on the radio, mom would hush everybody anywhere. In the car. In the house. At the mall. Eventually, I tried to catch it on tape and taught myself to play it on the piano. I never really sing it though. Don’t want to defile Divine Miss M nor humiliate myself.

But today, I did. And the words brought tears to my eyes. (I couldn’t possibly be my bad singing that brought tears to my eyes. I mean, I would’ve cried many songs ago! Haha.)

And I cried.

There’s an ache in my heart I still can’t get rid of right now. I want to call her, but I’m scared to hear her voice. The past few times I’ve called her after chemo, her voice broke my heart. I want to be with her, holding her hands through this. And I think mine broke hers too as she doesn’t want me to worry.

As much as we want to talk to each other, we don’t want to hurt each other.

This majorly sucks.

And music doesn’t really help right now.

1 Comment

  1. lillian   •  

    music… makes the world a better place. Great you started playing again ! So did I:-)

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