*Ring, ring*

“Hello?”

“How did you like that pair of titties for breakfast?”

*Hearty laugh*

You know the cupcakes I made last night?

Well, after an overnight in the fridge, the dusting of powdered sugar has faded. So when I put a pair of cupcakes on Brandon’s desk before I left this morning, the creamy white, perfectly rounded top cupcakes with red dot in the middle, left behind by my piping in the raspberry preserve, suddenly look like a pair of boobs.

Tits. Just a pair of perfect Valentine’s Day presents for a dude.

But may be not for the work place…

Oh my god. Holy shit! What am I going to do with all of my cupcakes!! Not everyone is going to have the dirty mind that I have, but who knows!??

Shit! SHIT!!!

Whipped cream. That’s it! I’ll put whipped cream on top of these when I get to work. Holy shit! I don’t have any whipped cream?? How is this possible that I didn’t replenish this ever so important staple after the Great Fridge Meltdown!?!?! And I’m exactly on time. No time to hit the store.

Shit! SHIT!!!

So I boarded the bus with my cupcakes and a baggy of powdered sugar and my mini sifter (aka tea infuser), scheming up a way that I could finagle some whipped cream from Starbucks. But maybe, just maybe the general store may have a can of whipped cream.

The general store did not carry whipped cream. Well, now I know. But they do have gummy bears. So after a light dusting of more powdered sugar, I covered the questionable red dots with gummy bears.

Oh. My. God. Who knew gummy bears could save you from sexual harassment lawsuits!

Now that my dirty, dirty mind is at ease, I wish you a happy, sugar-filled yet sap-free Valentine’s Day!