I need a zipper

…for my smart ass mouth.


A coworker walked by saying something something…either “I could eat a horse” or “I just peed like a horse”.

Me: Wait. Did you just say a horse or a whore?

Him: *laugh* Both.

Me: So…you’re a whore horse?

Erin: He could be a horse whore.

Me: A horse whore?

Erin: [Knowingly] …yeah…

Me: But being a horse whore, isn’t that kind of…

Erin: I’m not going there…

Me: …donkey show-ish?

Erin: …and you just have to go there, don’t you?

When I told this to Brandon later last night.

Me: You know, nobody else in the office would go there. But I just had to. I mean, if it’s not me, who else would go all the way?

Brandon: People at the donkey show would.

You see why we get along so well?


Apparently, folks on the bus were talking about luxury cruises out in the Indian Ocean getting robbed and hijacked.

Tony: Do you guys remember that one ship? The [Insert a Ship Name Here]? They got hijacked a couple of years ago?

Me: You mean that one where Steven Segal popped out of the kitchen and saved the boat?


Brandon and I went to pick up fish and chips last night. Brandon went up to the counter to pay for the food, and then we spotted IBC Root Beer and Jones Soda cream soda we suddenly must have.

Brandon discovered he only had a dollar left.

Brandon: Babe, you’ll have to pay for the sodas. I don’t have any more money.

Me: Well, what the hell kind of a date are you?

The fish lady had a field day laughing.


So I take the bus most of the days for my 30+ mile weekday commute.  Not only I was doing my part on saving my mental health by doing that, I was also helping the environment by not driving.

Of course, it would only be appropriate that on Earth Day, I drove to work.

Even more appropriately, I had to drive to work because we’re going to happy hour tonight.  Indeed, I HAVE to drive to go drinking.  Fucked up, isn’t it?

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