Out of the Dark

Oddly enough, one should be nice and high after a major life triumph like your first backpacking trip.

Instead, I dropped off the side of Mount San Jacinto into the blues.

Elated, I shot out an email to my family soon after I blogged about it here.

It’s like dropping a pebble into a bottomless well.

Except for a chirp from my sister-in-law, nothing.

Well, heck, at least I expect to hear a “Well, you should’ve been working out so you don’t drag everyone behind”, but I didn’t even get that.

In a way, I did know that I won’t hear anything.  I did expect to hear nothing.   And somehow, knowing that I would probably didn’t get any reply from anyone, it still affected me.

It took me all week to get a hold of that feeling.  That I was sad because my family didn’t seem to share in my joy and triumph.  That I was sad because I had been disillusioned by a sense of closeness.  Facebook can give you that, I guess.

I didn’t think that whole “you need no approval from anyone but yourself” would apply to family members too.

But now I know.

I can breathe easy now.  And continue doing my thing.  Oh all the things my family wouldn’t have approved of otherwise. Frankly, some are still embarrassed with my participation with Thrill the World.  And probably will be again.

I guess when the bar is set so low, that I would continue doing things that would embarrass and disappoint my family, I shouldn’t worry any more.

Huh. That’s right, isn’t it?

I did tons of things I am proud of even if no one else is.

And that is enough.

Leave a Reply