Category: Rant/Whine

Ranting and raving and whining and bitching. Oh yes!

Temporal Rift

Brandon’s gone for the week.

It’s wawy wawy qwayet it the house.

Why is it that when your significant other goes away, suddenly you just don’t know what to do with your time?

I mean, I still have the same stuff I have to do when he was here.  There are plans with friends and other people that I could have done on my own with him at home or not.

But then, once he’s out, suddenly the same amount of time that I have seem to multiply even though if he was here, we would be doing pretty much the same thing.  But now I feel like I have more time to do more thing.

Same amount of time. Minus one person. Suddenly it seems twice as much.
Doesn’t make any sense, does it?

And a whole lot of friends and activities come out of the wood works.  Let’s go get dinner. Let’s go get lunch.  I mean, couldn’t you just call me anyway even when Brandon is here?  Not that I’m complaining but, really, you guys can make plans with me even when he’s here.  I don’t have to be at home with him all the time.  And he knows that.

Actually, he likes it that I go out and see friends once in a while.  LOL.

Just because we’re married, it doesn’t mean that we can’t hang out separately.  I’m sure everyone knows that, but you couldn’t help yourself anyway.  I believe I’ve done that to some other friends too.  But I have gotten better at calling up Aurora just to hang with her without James.

It’s one of those unwritten rules everyone seems to follow instinctively.  Perhaps it’s time we all start to change that.

Married couples are individuals too!  😀

Life as we know it

Coworkers congregated in my cubicle over some chocolate covered almonds.

“Have you seen Oakley’s article in the Daily Breeze?” Coworker #1 referred to my 15 seconds of fame.

“No,” Coworker #2.

CW#1 continued to tell CW#2 about Temple of Fresh & Easy blog.

CW#2 snorted.  “Who has time for that kind of thing?”

And of course, CW#2 ranted on about how he doesn’t have time to do the Facebook or “such nonsense” because of his busy social schedule, implying along the way that folks who do those things don’t really have a life.

That did it.

Seriously, I am getting tired of the whole implication that because I put my life online that I have nothing better to do with my time.

Do I talk down on your hobby of fixing up classic cars, pimping rides, antiquing, woodworking, gardening, or, in CW#2’s case, hanging out at bars and clubs?

You choose what to do with your free time.  You make time for your hobby.  Mine happens to be blogging, social networking, and video gaming.

Yet, these “normal people” constantly talk down to us geeks.

I used to just laugh it off and went with the “Oh, I know. I don’t have a life,” as a reply.

But I’m not going to do that any more.

Fuck you and your “normal life”.

I *do* have a life.  It’s not the same one you live or the one you think it’s “cool”.

My life is online, digitized, and pixelated.  But it’s a life I’ve chosen to live.

I find my meaning in writing and sharing my thoughts with the world, whether the world wants it or not.  I find my meaning in sharing my life with other I don’t know as a window into some new experience that is not my day-to-day.  I find my meaning in squashing the bad guys in my games with my controller until my hands cramped up.

Like I discussed with fellow Twitter-ette SallieB before, some of us have the ability to build relationships both online and off.  Some of such relationships only get better with the reinforcements from the other source.

I have human interaction with my local friends, and even better relationships with my long distance buddies.  I actually get to “meet” new people across the world I would never would have met in a bar like Rude Cactus, Steve and Richard of Thai-Blogs, Chef House, and many readers that I have come to “talk” to like Irish Cousin Robert and Amy of the Q Family.

And there’s also the new circle of friends we built around Brandon’s World of Warcraft guild and occasion gathering of the geeks at James’ house.

I put my life online originally because half of the people I know live half the world away.  Blogging was the best way to keep everyone in touch.  Not that they really swing by here often either, but I give them an option to be updated.  I know going in that if I put this online, everyone gets to see it.  I know that since I started my first website back in college.

My blog and other social networking media is a newsletter or a zine that happens to be online.

I’ve always “printed” some kind of zines since I was in 3rd grade.  It’s the same concept with a new medium.

Still my hobby.  Something I love to do and make time for.

So, go on out with your cool kids to the hip bars, “normal people”.  I’ll be right here with my computer and game console, enjoying my own life my own way.

Spreading the Happy

Muhammed from Torrance Daily Breeze was in my home office on Friday night to interview me about the Temple of Fresh & Easy blog–you know, my store obsession blog.

Then came the questions about why I blog about a grocery store. Why especially would I give a business free publicity and get nothing in return? Do I feel like I was taken advantage of?
I know that it is his job to ask the questions and get to the bottom of why some random person would start blogging about a grocery store and expect nothing in return.

The fact that he asked me that question got me thinking.

Have we as a society become so jaded that we question people’s motive for saying nice things about others?

With Web 2.0, we as consumers can now raise our voices like we could never have done before. We can band together to cheer on for the restaurant we love. We can link our arms in verbal protests against a salon that wreck our hair and rape our wallet. We can rate the deodorant we bought yesterday so others may use our input to make a better decision before they buy.

As consumers, you are no longer alone in the dark. Many of us are out there with you.

Sure, floating out there are also people who are professional promoters and endorsers. I can see why some folks, including Muhammed, would question my motive.

I did tell Muhammed that I just like telling people about things that I love. There’s nothing in it for me. I don’t do it for the glory. I don’t do it for fame. I don’t even know if anybody else would drop by any of my blogs at all.

But just in case they do, now they would know about something good they can pick up or a product they shouldn’t try.

For those who know me in person or from this blog, they know that I’m just, well, too damn quirky to have a motive.

I am passionate about things that I love and hate. I will rave about things I love and rant about things I hate. Mediocre stuff just doesn’t really get the mention because, well, it’s not worth the time.

Look at my Yelp! reviews. It’s either love or hate. I don’t do in-betweens. When I love a restaurant, I get everyone to go there. When I hate a restaurant, I will tell anyone who’d listen. I have a coupon for places I love to shop, I pass it around too.

Heck, just last week, I hauled cupcakes from Charmed Cupcakes in Long Beach on the bus to my office Downtown because I love their cakes and want everyone to try them and experience the joy. I could have easily ordered the cupcakes from Silver Lake where we usually do. But we’ve done that. This LB place is new, and it’s good. I feel obligated to spread the word.

See? Here goes the link and the shout out. Haha. Can’t help myself.

Do I get free cake from the shop? No. Just the pleasure to know that now people will enjoy something yummy.

Is my desire to spread the joy I have experienced considered a motive?

Well, heck. I guess I do have a motive after all.

Sunday Morning

What I wrote to my brothers:

I dreamed a lot last night. But one of the last thing was that I was home for Onk’s wedding.

Don’t laugh.

Who am I kidding. Laugh away!

That’s the gist of the dream because it was all quite a bit mumbo jumbo. Something including the fact that dad’s was the only working shower in the house, that Ake still lives in his room and I am in mine, that we have a hot tub in the backyard (where I ended up having to take a bath in because daddy was STILL in the shower).

And that I was setting two seats for the parents, poignantly missing mom.

I didn’t wake up crying, but I did cry promptly after I woke up.

I miss her something fierce today.

I guess I have been missing her for a bit since Mother’s Day a few days ago. Just didn’t have time to process it all. I have been so busy with everything and at some point I was trying not to feel it, occupying my time and my thought with something else.

You can only fight it for so long.

I have cried today. The hollow feeling in my chest is there. And it is just weird how your “heartache” could physically manifest.

Since I mentioned Mother’s Day, the hole in my chest has just been sitting there. That day, the office had that event at the Sony lot so I was preoccupied with a lot of things. Partly, I didn’t want to have time to dwell on the fact that I was missing my mother.

I kept pushing that through the week, busying myself with work and with Celeste’s going away. Losing one of my good friends at the office, although just across the street, is hard too. The dynamic of our little fun corner is already a little off, and now the glue is gone. It’s going to be interesting adjusting next week.

Friday night, I swore I didn’t want to do anything else. I left work on the early bus, feeling completely spent. I didn’t want to ride a bike to get dinner, but I made myself ask Brandon if we could. I didn’t want to sit and watch TV for the rest of the evening, but I couldn’t get myself to do anything else. All the while, I didn’t want to admit that my heart was aching and that there was a gaping hole in there.

Saturday came, as if he knew something was wrong, Brandon plotted out the day full of activities and I, not wanting to acknowledge my feelings, went with it. We got my bike fixed (the back fender was loose when I took a spill last week), bought a new door handle for my car (plastic is so old and brittle it broke off in Brandon’s hand), got pampered (Brandon got a 30-minute massage next door because the kink in his neck wouldn’t go away while I got a pedicure and extra long foot massage), and picked up groceries (made this awesome Spanish garlic chicken thing–will blog on Hmm…Food…Good soon).

But this morning, I wasn’t so lucky. The dream pretty much topped off the “I miss my mom” tank and spilled over.

I cried. Brandon held me for a while. Then he brought all of the stuffed animals in the room over to hang out with me, a “group hug” from my soft and fuzzy friends, not unlike how I used to do when I was a kid. I made me cry more but at the same time very comforting.

Mom’s first anniversary is already a few days away. And I am already a mess.

Phototastic Friday: Double Feature

Where am I going?

Lost.jpg

Brandon inadvertently made a hakaw dumbling out of our fresh laundry as a way to transport them.

Laundry hakaw

I must apologize for the lack of posts these past few days.  There is a LOT to say but I haven’t the moment to actually sit down and write.  I promise to write over the weekend, okay?

On Tuesday, I was on Sony Studios lot, helping Celeste put on an event.  That was our last together.

Last night, we were out at the largest going away party I’ve thrown so far.  Celeste brought a herd of friends on her own and about a third of our office was there to celebrate.

Today is Celeste’s last day.  I promise not to cry, but between Mother’s Day the other day and my mom’s anniversary next week, I’m a bit of an emotional wreck right now.