The first anniversary of my mom’s passing is here.
My heart is heavy.
I picked up red roses, her favorite, at the Farmer’s market yesterday. Looking at them in the elevator, tears welled up.
But I didn’t cry.
Brandon held me this morning before he left for work.
I didn’t want to wake up this morning. I just want to stay asleep.
But I did wake up. I had to.
Somebody has to put the roses in a vase for mom.
I talked to my dad a while ago. The entire crew of aunties and the family went to the temple.
I thought about going to the temple too. But it was hard going by myself last time. I felt that I should be with my family for this. I didn’t wan to go there alone again.
Instead, I just stayed home and arranged those roses into a vase.
And I thought of mom.
Her laughs. Her pouts. Her walk.
How she ran her fingers through my hair the last time we talked and told me my head stink.
How it felt to hold her hands while we watched Meerkat Manor the last time I was there.
I will be thinking of her all day today.
I will try not to cry in class this afternoon.
I will try not to cry when I make lasagna for dinner tonight.
It was one of her favorites.
I miss her.