The Day

The first anniversary of my mom’s passing is here.

My heart is heavy.

I picked up red roses, her favorite, at the Farmer’s market yesterday. Looking at them in the elevator, tears welled up.

But I didn’t cry.

Brandon held me this morning before he left for work.

I didn’t want to wake up this morning. I just want to stay asleep.

But I did wake up. I had to.

Somebody has to put the roses in a vase for mom.

I talked to my dad a while ago. The entire crew of aunties and the family went to the temple.

I thought about going to the temple too. But it was hard going by myself last time. I felt that I should be with my family for this. I didn’t wan to go there alone again.

Instead, I just stayed home and arranged those roses into a vase.

And I thought of mom.

Her laughs. Her pouts. Her walk.

How she ran her fingers through my hair the last time we talked and told me my head stink.

How it felt to hold her hands while we watched Meerkat Manor the last time I was there.

I will be thinking of her all day today.

I will try not to cry in class this afternoon.

I will try not to cry when I make lasagna for dinner tonight.

It was one of her favorites.

God.

I miss her.

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4 Comments

  1. Olaina   •  

    Hi Oakz,

    I’m sorry your day is so sucky. I just caught up on your blog. Big hugs coming your way!

    Let’s get Thai food soon, ‘K?

    Love,
    Olaina

  2. MazingAmy   •  

    Awww Honey, it is never easy losing a parent. HUGS to you. That picture of you and your Mom is so awesome! The OakMonster ‘tude was there early on in life!!!

  3. kitty   •  

    :'(

    another hug for u

  4. korbua   •  

    *hugs* and lots and lots more hugs sent ur way from me! … u know this post makes me realise something. i should stop going on this protest over this stupid argument that i had with mum earlier this week. thx! *hugs*

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