Table for 2 and that’s just fine

We’re child-free by choice.

We don’t hate kids.  And we make great auntie and uncle.  We just like to play with them and hand them off to the parents at the end of the day.

We adore Brandon’s two nieces age 8 and 11.  We can hardly wait to hang out with Aurora and James’ 2-year-old Dresden and baby Chloe.  Olaina and Justin’s Ella is still too little to play with but we didn’t mind hanging out with her too.

I’m quite sure the fact that they are relations–or practically relations, our tolerance and patience for them are a lot higher than for that of complete strangers’ kids.

However, we don’t offer to baby sit the kids on our own.  Well, Brandon is okay with taking Dresden to the park for an hour or two, and Little D and I get along swell playing inside the house.  But overall, we never want to be left alone with the young ones for more than a few hours at a time before our patience run out and our heads explode.

We chose to be child-free for a reason.  And our friends know it.

Yet, it’s a constant question we have to dodge here and back in Thailand.  My dad especially.  I haven’t the heart to tell him, so my answer is usually, “I don’t have the money.”  My mom’s friends know I didn’t want kids.  Actually, and quite surprisingly, they were supportive of that choice.

I started to realize I didn’t even want kids back in college.  I still remembered the first time my ex-boyfriend mentioned our future children.  That freaked the fuck out of me out but I played along.  Hahaha. Yeah, sure, honey, a boy and a girl, right? Wonderful. Let’s name them!

But in my head, Holy shit he already talks about KIDS?! God I can’t have kids?! I don’t want any kids!!

You can’t imagine the relief when Brandon brought up early on when we started dating that he didn’t want kids.

So far, our choice to be child-free has never been a problem in our social life because we can still hang with our friends who have children.

We had Aurora and the kids over for dinner often.  And we were perfectly okay with going to the movies with Brandon’s nieces when we were in New Mexico.

On those certain days we weren’t up for kids, we politely decline the invitation for their company.  Most friends understand.  Some don’t.

We are child-free BY CHOICE. And that choice includes choosing to not be around a child when we don’t feel like it.  Because if we want to be with a child all the time, we would’ve chosen to have one.

We respect parents.  We do.  I mean, we can barely stand up to Dresden’s rambunctiousness for a few hours and Aurora has to do this all day with Chloe clinging on to her?  Holy crap!  And then there are friends and single parents who also work full time on top of being a mom/dad.  I mean, seriously.  How do you guys manage all of that?

Props. Mad props to you, parents.

We respect also your choice to have children. And we thank you for bringing your wonderful kids into this world and even share them with us sometimes.

We hope that you respect our choice to not have children–or not be with one when we don’t want to–as well.


  1. J.C.   •  

    Joshua loves his Auntie Oakley & baby Zachary can’t wait to meet you! You & Brandon are great with kids, regardless of your non-parental status. Never let anyone give you a hard time about your decision. Ever!

  2. Amy P.   •  

    I **TOTALLY** respect your and Brandon’s choice to be child-free and ANY couple’s choice to be child-free as well. My best friend and her husband chose not to pursue parenthood and they make a great auntie and uncle to my son.

    If anything, I respect you even more, what with societal pressure to make babies and all. You know yourselves well.

    People I don’t respect are those who become parents who SHOULDN’T be, if you know what I mean. There are far too many people like that in the world, unfortunately.

  3. daveconrey   •  

    Ok, so bear with me a little on this one ok. I know you’ve probably heard this before, but things can change. I know that sounds totally lame, as if I know better, but trust me, I was right where you are now. I didn’t want kids. My wife didn’t want kids. We were so totally not going to have kids.

    You know how that turned out.

    This is by NO means a plea to get you to change your mind. Quite the contrary, I think it’s cool you two know exactly what you want. And I’m not saying that you absolutely will change your mind, just saying not to be surprised if something along the way of adulthood sets you two off in the direction of parenthood. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was that got us thinking about having a kid, but there was a serious paradigm shift with both of us. It was weird, and I chock it up to chemical imbalance.

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