Everybody Hurts

I wrote this originally on June 9, a day after the death of Anthony Bourdain, all on my phone. Something I don’t usually do, but I had to get it off my chest. Entering the Anger stage of grief over here. Getting really annoyed at people talking about depression as if you have to be visibly crying and moping in public all the time, or that they should have reached out for help instead of keeping their problems to themselves. It doesn’t work that way. Depression drags you down, makes you feel worthless, useless, and unimportant so much so that...
Continue reading...

Castle Boren

OakMonster - Buying our first home

Friends, we’ve adulted. We’ve just bought our first home. And we dub it Castle Boren. Well, I’m calling it #CastleBoren. It fits the description. 3 stories with bedroom suite on the top floor. And with just the 2 of us, having 3 bedrooms is a lot of house. Best part? 100 yards down from where we’ve been renting for 10 years. It all happened so fast. We weren’t quite expecting to buy a house this year. At all. But as those who’ve read “The Alchemist” knows, when things are meant to happen, things will happen. It started when I went...
Continue reading...

Goodbye House

OakMonster - Langsuan House - Bangkok - Thailand - 2014

As far as I am concern, there is only one house that I can really call mine. The house in Bangkok that I grew up in. Designed by my dad, this brick town home was way ahead of its time. It’s the house that launched several other brick town homes around the city. The first town home (on the right in this picture) was share between the household kitchen and living quarter for our cook and driver on the ground floor. (Yes, we were very Downton Abbey in that sense). Princess Grandmother’s quarter was on the second floor, and dad’s...
Continue reading...

Does yours do that?

I just wrote an email to my brothers.  It goes something like this: You don’t know what it is at first but suddenly your heart flutters and you feel like you couldn’t catch your breath.  Then your heart sinks.  It feels so heavy as if it’s pulling your shoulders the floor along with itself.  Anxiety attack?  Sounds like it.  But it isn’t. But then tears well up in your eyes, and you realize it’s mom you’re missing.  What you feel is a hole left by her absence. And then you cry.  Sometimes the whole sinking heart thing goes away.  Sometime...
Continue reading...

Dream a little dream

…of mom. Apparently, mom has been paying a visit to a few of us here and there. Last week, I woke up sobbing hysterically and freaked the hell out of Brandon.  After a long crazy dream about me being a failure (..something about burning something on the stove top when all I had to do was reheating a frozen block of soup, someone came into the house with a pet meerkat, and everyone was looking at me as if I just came off the short bus for burning that fucking soup…), I somehow ended up in a mall with my...
Continue reading...

Time travel

I was up at 6:30 a.m. this morning.  Jet lag is getting better! I did end up getting to work at 6 a.m. on Thursday morning.  LOL. I drove in and left promptly at 3 p.m. and miraculously got home without killing myself.  I did steal a solid hour of nap later in the afternoon though.  How solid?  I started the nap laying on the couch.  When Brandon came in to wake me up, I was sitting and I had no idea how I got there.  Yeah…interesting, isn’t it? But a sleepy Thursday worked out to my advantage as I...
Continue reading...