Raised to be kind

I went online to shop for an item I needed for the kitchen that I couldn’t seem to find in the stores.  [ETA – It was a bacon dripping jar to save the yumminess for later use.]  My friend David was the one who inspired me to get one of these, but he himself does not have one.

When I tweeted him that I bought him something, he was quite surprised.  Another friend chimed in asking it was because his birthday was in a couple of months.

Nope. I don’t need an occasion to buy a friend something.

This notion of a gifting without an occasion was quite new to David.  He sent me a message later saying that he couldn’t remember the last time someone bought him something for no reason.

Welcome to my circle of friends, I told him.

OakMonster.com - Kindness
Photo Credit: PuurBody on Etsy

I have made some new friends this past year or so.  And they haven’t yet gotten used to the fact that I’m quite good at random gifting.

Old friends know that I would come back from a farmer’s market with the last of this season’s Asian pears because I know they like them; that I would turn up with extra cream puffs if I ever go down to Beard Papa’s; or that I would make extra meatballs so the new moms could have them later.

Yet another trait I’ve picked up from my mother.

As long as I remember, my mom and her friends have always picked up something for each other when they were out somewhere.  I’m not talking about souvenirs from far away places–but yes, we received those too–but from a trip to the mall or a stroll through a market.

Bags of mandarin oranges were sent over with a motorcycle messenger–common practice in Thailand–from Aunty Rae’s office because she found a great deal from a fruit vendor when she was out to lunch.  Aunty Sida’s driver dropped off barbecued duck for our dinner since she was at the restaurant that’s famous for duck.  Mom just sent some tote bags she picked up from today’s shopping trip out with my brother as he headed to the sports club to hand it to Aunty Jim.

You get the idea.

Mind you, this was even before cell phones.  They didn’t call each other to check and see if you’d need anything.  They just bought the stuff and, most of the time, call each other before stuff get sent over.  But most of the times, things would just show up from Aunty So and So.

Even while I was away in the U.S., I could come home in the summer to find a pile of Thai souvenirs my mom had collected for me to take back to give to people for Christmas.  And 1/3 of that pile would be from the aunties who thought of me while they were out shopping.  Not to mention something else they had gotten for me specifically.

Buying a treat for your friends once in a while never hurt anybody…as long as you can afford it, of course.

That was the message I got from my mom and her friends.  My mom never really taught me to do this.  I just learned from watching her and the aunties.

One of the very last things I got to do with her before she had the stroke (and eventually passed away) was to hit the mall with the aunties.  It was in February and the mall was full of Valentine’s Day stuff.  My mom sent me slinking off to another cashier station to buy everyone a red carnation each.

“But mom, there are ROSES!” I protested.

“The roses are too pricey. The aunties will yell at you for wasting money if you get those. Get the carnations!” She grabbed my hand. “Trust me.”

The carnations did delight everyone. But Aunty Sida outdid us all by later passing around bright red hand towels with “LOVE” printed on them to everyone on the car ride home.  But we didn’t even see her buy anything!  The trick was that she spotted them on the way to the restroom.  She had them held, then texted her driver to buy them while we were in a different section of the mall!  LOL

Now I found myself wandering through Target, calling my friend Aurora to ask what size shirt do you think our friend Jim wears because I found a $5 Captain America t-shirt he’d love.

I’m a lot more like my mom that I thought.

Oh, and if you’re thinking I would be driving Brandon crazy with my shopping for other people, guess again.  The mister does the same thing with his friends.  🙂

Oh Humanity

When disaster strikes somewhere in the world, if the media and celebrity is on board especially, suddenly you see the surge of donations and fundraisers everywhere.

But what about the everyday?  Where did that overflowing of generosity and kindness go?

Last week, my bus buddy was sitting with a bunch of other commuters waiting for the bus.  There was no room to sit so I was standing around the corner.  Once these folks got up to get on their bus, I moved in to sit down. There was a purse laying next to my bus buddy and I knew for sure that wasn’t hers.

I asked anyway, “That’s not your purse, is it?”

My bus buddy gasped. “Oh my gosh! I think that lady left her purse!”

A young Asian chick standing right by turned to me, “Oh yeah, she went on to that bus a second ago.”

My bus buddy and the Asian Chick kept looking at the purse and looked around.  None of them wasn’t going to pick it up, it seemed.

So I did.

The Asian chick put her nose to her blackberry and started walking away.  With much interest, my bus buddy watched me moving in to investigate the purse that laid right next to her.

It’s like watching “What would you do?” show on ABC.  This is the show that fake a situation to see how people would react.  At this juncture, it would’ve been a show where nobody was going to do anything.

I went through the purse, found a wallet with all kinds of IDs with no cash or credit card. There was a cellphone holder in the purse and fortunately no actual phone itself.  So at least she has her phone.  I found her insurance cards with her company on it.  While on my bus, I looked up the company and and called.  I told the receptionist I had recovered this lady’s wallet.  She gave me the lady’s cell phone number and took mine.

My bus buddy signaled at me from the back of the bus to see if I actually made a connection with the purse owner, and I nodded.

The following morning, the purse lady called me and we met at Starbucks.

Apparently, she was on the phone talking to someone the entire time and didn’t realize one of her many bags had slipped off her shoulder, and soon after that her batteries went dead.  That also explained why the neither the receptionist or I could get a hold of her that evening.

“Can I hug you?” she asked.  LOL.

Now, of all of this ordeal, here’s what  I don’t understand.

Both my bus buddy and the Asian chick were just staring at the purse.  Neither one was going to pick it up.  I mean, what if I wasn’t there?  They were just going to leave it there?

I mean, the Asian chick definitely was going to leave it there since my bus buddy sits right next to it, I’m pretty sure. She was already started to move away after she told us, people who stood next to the purse, that she had seen the owner left to get on the bus.

Would you want someone to look on by if that was YOUR purse?

This isn’t even Haiti, folks. It’s somebody you stood next to not more than 5 minutes ago.

I’ve seen this similar thing happen before.  Someone dropped something without knowing it. 10 people saw it and nobody was going to tell that person until one brave soul did.  A person came running to the bus yelling for it, 10 people turned to look and heard him but did nothing.  Once in a while, someone helped yell or wave or something but not always the case.  On the crowded bus, nobody was getting up for anybody.

Seriously. Where did the human decency and kindness go these days?  We’ve become such a “Me Me Me” society. I mean, even the giving to the disaster, for some people, it’s  because it’s trendy at the time, not about they actually care.

Thailand had a celebrity-packed fundraiser for Haiti with drew quite and outrage. Um, helloooo there are Thai people who need help just as much and you’re sending your money where?

The giving and the kindness suddenly become a hip thing to do; not THE thing to do.

I’m sure there are still decent human beings out there who would always do the right thing and step up to help.  I know at least 3 guys on my bus who would’ve given up their seats if the bus is full. I know that Brandon and Justin and his friends would step up to help those in need of help.

I mean, yesterday we were walking back to our car at the farmers market. A lady was loading stuff into the truck and there was a huge cart full of stuff on the floor next to her.  Brandon gave me the keys to the car and he himself ran over to the lady to help her put all of that into the truck.  Loads of people walked by doing nothing.

These little moments when a door is held open, a dropped item returned, or a seat given up that restores my faith in humanity.  These moments are what keeping me from becoming a complete misanthrope.  (Right now, I’m just a little bitter, heh.)

How about you? Have you seen any act of kindness recently? Or perhaps you’ve done something good yourself?

Equal Opportunity Offender

I’m one of those fortunate enough to have and hang out with diverse groups of friends, both in real life and out here in the blogosphere and twitterverse.  All of them different shapes and sizes in colors of the rainbow with even larger variety of interests and points of view.  All have great sense of humor and never take anything too seriously.

But those we pull no punches on the most are Brandon’s circle of friends.  The boys have known each other since high school and once we’re welcomed to the family, you’re also fair game for endless teasing and good natured banters.

For example, we were over at James and Aurora’s for pizza on Friday night.  Just so you know, James has always been the token Jew of the gang while I’m the token Asian.  Well, then again, you could be token anything in this group. A token redhead. A token happa.  A token Marine. A token Superman (Justin is a Marine veteran amputee AND an ER doctor in residency AND his wife is pregnant. So there, Superman!)  So that’s always fun.

But anyways. On with the show.

Bob was going over what was in the pizza order James placed that he had picked up.  One was mushrooms and olives and the other was pepperoni and sausage. Brandon pointed at the meat fest.

Brandon: I voted for that one.

Me: Hey, how come I didn’t get to vote?

James: Because you’re a woman.

Me: [Single finger salute]

James: AND you’re a minority.

So we grabbed our pizzas and settled down for dinner.  James had asked for some crushed red pepper flakes.  Aurora had set it on the table in front of me so while he was busy conversing, I started peeling the stubborn “freshness seal” off this new bottle.  The fucker just didn’t want to come off.  James, getting antsy for his turn at the pepper flakes, looked over.

James:  Oakley, can I help you with that?

Oakley: No!  I started this war and I’m going end it, goddamn it!

James: Oh, but how many LIVES do you have to ruin to win this atrocious war!?

Oakley: Just the Jews.

Payback is pretty sweet. 🙂

Well, that was fun

It’s not quite a year-end recap yet.  But hot dang, where did 2009 just go?!?!

Recap will be here after Christmas to see how I did with my last year’s goals.  I don’t think I did too horribly…?

In the meantime, here’s our eCard, wishing you a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you are celebrating…or your right to not celebrate at all!

Heathen’s Greetings! 😉

Broken

Apparently I broke my Google Analytics when I upgraded to WP 2.8.2 last month and had zero visitors since.

And now it keeps telling me I have NOT upgraded to 2.8.2??!

*sigh*

UPDATE: Not broken any more!  YEY!  Thank you all 15 of you who showed up yesterday to help diagnose the problem. 🙂