General Musing – Page 2

A Thank You Note to Grant Imahara

Dear Grant,

I have never given the thought about Asian representation in the media until now that we’ve lost you.

When I was growing up in Thailand before we have cable, obviously people on TV look like me whether it’s local Thai TV or Chinese drama. We also had “western shows” of people who don’t look like me at all but that has never stopped me from looking up to Wonder Woman, the A-Team, or Macguyver. My imagination allows me to just nerd out with whatever I feel the connection with, especially to Macguyver because I too was a science nerd. My math ineptitude stopped me from pursuing STEM studies, but I friggin’ LOVE science. But back then none of my friends had my passion, so I kept it to myself.

Then came my time in the US. Sometime in college, my friends nurtured my geeky passion, so I knew I wasn’t alone. And then the dot com boom hit and suddenly, it is okay to be a nerd out in the world. But still, I had my reservations especially with the stereotype of weird, nerdy Asians (see: Sixteen Candles) in the back of my mind.

Having studied communications in college, of course representation came up. But again, I didn’t see why it matters. As an immigrant who sees America as “white”, white people on TV is practically normal to me at the time.

As a foreigner, I didn’t feel that the people on the American screen have to look like me because in my mind, America is full of white people. (And that’s how we see y’all from across the Pacific, by the way.) I grew up where people on TV look like me, but I never thought of it in a sense of being a person of color growing up in a place where NOBODY looks like you on TV.

Seriously. Never thought of it like that until right this moment. That’s how ignorant I had been.

Then you turned up on Mythbusters one day, unapologetically geeking out about your engineering and practical effect crafts AND your passion for nerdy things.

Holy smokes, look at my “brother” up there on that screen! He’s nerding out with other (white) nerds, and nobody makes fun of him for being an Asian nerd!

*WE* can do that? Does this give me the license to go full nerd?

Yes, yes it does!

I never thought representation means THAT much until this very moment, now that I reflected on how seeing you on TV has changed how I feel about myself. Seeing you on TV makes me feel okay to be an Asian nerd. More than that, it made me PROUD to be an Asian nerd.

I could only imagine how it changes the views of young Asian Americans everywhere watching you on that show.

I only met you once back at the first Comikaze, now known as LA Comic Con. We first were drawn to the life-sized Wall-E until I realized who was at the helm. Screw Wall-E. I’m here for Grant! I came over to ask you for a picture. I did get to tell you that I wouldn’t be standing here as the Hulk Bunny if it wasn’t for you being on Mythbusters.

I’m sure Asian folks come up to you all the time to tell you that. You really did make a difference in our lives.

Representation does matter. And you did a hell of a job representing for the rest of us.

Thank you.

Rereading “The Sheikh”

Welcome to the 121 days since the shelter in place order and since I’ve been working from home! I hope everyone is doing okay out there. As for our little household, we’re doing okay.

But as you know, for some of us creative type, being stuck at home is driving us slowly mad. As the quote from Where’d You Go Bernadette goes:

“People like you must create. If you don’t create, Bernadette, you will become a menace to society.” – Maria Semple, “Where’d you go, Bernadette?”

Exactly.

So, I’ve sewn masks for donation. I’ve cleaned out the garage. (Also because we had “little visitors” apparently.) I’ve gotten more indoor and outdoor plants. I’ve started a weekly Instagram Live show on Mondays at 8 p.m. PST called “OakMonster’s Drunken Half-assed Talent Show” where I get tipsy, sing poorly, and bring in musically-inclined friends to share their talent.

And now I’ve taken up doing a recap of one of my favorite Thai novels growing up, “The Sheikh” by Prapassorn Sevikul, for my friends on Facebook.

This came about because I just finished reading “The Golem and the Jinni” by Helene Wecker. All that talk about the Jinni, trapped in human form as a tall and handsome Bedouin man got me thinking about The Sheikh’s lead character who grows up to be a tall and handsome Bedouin man. I’ve always wanted to translate Sevikul’s work, this and the classic coming-of-age novel “Time in a Bottle”, to share with the world.

“The Golem and the Jinni” prompts me to reread one of my favorite Thai novel “The Sheikh”.

Well, I’m not quite up to actually translating it word for word. So, I’m just recapping in my own word with commentary, insights, and some cultural references. Not so much to the Bedouin culture but of Thai culture reflected in this historical drama.

And THEN I thought, hell, I might as well share it here too. It’ll be like when I take on challenges and record it like when I tried to eat like a Hobbit for a month or casually cosplay every day in November.

ETA: January 11, 2021: I did do the chapter-by-chapter recap of it on my private Facebook account, and I started to post them here. But about halfway through, I realized how problematic the novel was, so I stopped posting them on the blog.

I mean, for its time period, sure, but it also a reflection of Thailand’s deep-seated rape culture in our literature which you can read more about here. And by the time I got to the end, now as a 43-year-old woman versus a 15-year-old girl, the whole politics and how the whole book just ended was like…okay what the hell? If I had read it now, this book would be up there with those books I’d burn after reading because I was pissed. So, I decided NOT to continue posting on the blog.

Trust me. You didn’t miss much. LOL

Beware the Young Girls

Brandon’s niece stayed with us for a week for 4th of July. This bright, tall, almost 15 years old young woman is usually quiet, but she perks up when the conversation is something she’s interested in.

Like animals. (14 pets–five cats, one dog, one rabbit, five chicken, and two horses.)

Or swimming. (We made a mermaid out of her this trip!)

Or Harry Potter.

She wants to be a vet tech someday.

And see the world.

I can’t wait to help her get to wherever she wants to go. It’s going to be a great destination.

Everybody Hurts

I wrote this originally on June 9, a day after the death of Anthony Bourdain, all on my phone. Something I don’t usually do, but I had to get it off my chest.

Entering the Anger stage of grief over here. Getting really annoyed at people talking about depression as if you have to be visibly crying and moping in public all the time, or that they should have reached out for help instead of keeping their problems to themselves.

It doesn’t work that way.

Depression drags you down, makes you feel worthless, useless, and unimportant so much so that you are ashamed of all that it makes you feel. You hide it. You don’t and won’t ask for help because depression makes you think you don’t deserve the help, that nobody is going to help you because, why should they, you’re worthless. You can’t just snap out of it and decide to be happy because your brain and body are already out to betray you.

I have been there when my mother passed. I didn’t even know what it was. I had moments when I looked at my husband and thought he did not deserve this kind of treatment from me and that life would be better for him if I wasn’t here, that EVERYONE’s life would be better if I wasn’t here. I knew in my heart I was wrong about that, but my brain told me I was probably right. I told myself then I could snap myself out of this but I couldn’t. I did get professional help, and I came out of it relatively unscathed and began healing myself and fixing the relationships.

But now I know the signs. I know the feeling. To tell you the truth, I did have some moments here and there recently when I felt helpless, and that’s usually my warning sign. Thanks to the therapy after my mom’s passing, I have the tools to recognize the sign and know what to do before I fall too far. I would reach out, talk it out, hug it out before I fold into myself.

Many people don’t have the tools. They don’t know what to do, and depression drags them further down. And most people, like me, don’t show any outward signs that we’re wrestling with our demons.

So, for people to judge someone who is silently suffering, it really is pissing me off right now. While I acknowledge it’s a part of my grieving, it tells me how much people are clueless about mental health issues. We all can use a little more education on that.

Be well out there.

The Best of Me

I’m never going to be a billionaire CEO with my picture on the cover of a magazine.

I’m never going to make it on any Top 10 list.

I’m never going to have millions of followers on social media.

I’m never going to sing like Christina Aguilera.

Okay, I’m never to sing like any professional singer anywhere.

I’m never going to be instantly recognized by the public at large.

I’m never going to be rich. Or famous.

I don’t have that kind of drive or ambition.

I don’t have that need to climb the ladder.

But what I do have is passion, gratitude, and love.

I am passionate about making stuff: food, music, costume, connections.

I am passionate about my work, my hobbies, and most of all, my life.

I may never be a lot of things but I will always be grateful for what I have and what I have to give.

I will always be curious, kind, and honest.

I will always be generous especially when it comes to giving out second chances.

I will always commit random act of gifting.

I will always laugh out loud, sing even if I’m off key, and dance even if I’m the only one dancing.

I will always make inappropriate comments and curses colorfully.

I will always be mischievous and aim to misbehave.

And even that, I will always have love in my heart.

Despite all of my flaws, I will always be the best possible version of myself.

Because my mom would be really disappointed if I turned out to be a famous, successful gazillionaire who clawed her way to the top with utter disregards for other people, and was a dick to everyone.

6-Month Check Up

Hey hey party people! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Frankly, I haven’t blogged because I’m ashamed of the state of my blog. JUST LOOK AT IT!!! I know it’s been broken for quite sometime now and I have all the intentions to fix it. But I couldn’t bring myself to the computer. Part of that is also literal, as in my office is a total FEMA disaster zone with all the cosplay and arts and crafts stuff everywhere that getting my desk is like a Spartan Race.

As a part of my reorganizing, I can’t really put much away yet either. So everything is just kind of…there. I just need a weekend away from the couch. Ahem.

That’s besides the point. The point is for me to check in on my progress for the year on my goal. Aren’t you curious about that? May be just smidget? I know you are!

Run 5K under 40 minutes

Still a hurdle, this one. So far the first few races of the year, I’m still consistently at the same time. But I haven’t changed much in terms of training. So that explains…everything. LOL

Learn to make fried chicken

I have been in the kitchen a lot less lately too! Tamara has offered to teach me to fry some chicken so I must take advantage of that before she moves to Oregon in July.

Cook one new recipe each month

I’ve been whipping up new drinks. Does that count?

I’ve gotten so horrible with cooking, and California heat is not helping with that.

Revamp the blog

I bought a new theme tonight! It’s coming. For realsies.

Play piano/guitar once a month

Now THIS has exceeds all expectations. Remember that whole impromptu Christmas gathering thing? It turns into a band. Say hello The Fail Wailers!

We have tested the waters at a few open mic nights around the OC, but earlier this week, we played a 30-minute set at a bar in Huntington Beach. Not only did we not get booed, we are invited back! (ETA – Next gig TBA!)

The Fail Wailers - Fitzgerald's - Huntington Beach — Heather (The Voice), Ken (Dear Leader), Wyatt (The Beard). and yours truly (The Token).

Downsize and simplify everything

I’m slowly but surely going through the house and getting rid of stuff. We dumped the dinner table that my aunt passed down to me that I’ve had for 18 years. Instead got another Ikea shelving unit with a table attached. That significantly cut down on clutter big time. But I still have a LOT more work to do especially in my office. See earlier point about not having been able to walk to my desk.

Stop wasting time and energy on those who don’t deserve it…

Saying no is a powerful thing. I know that now.

…and spend more time and energy on those who do

Yet, it’s still hard to say YES! I’m clearing the deck as much as I can. But when everyone’s schedule is equally insane, this is getting to be a lot harder to accomplish.

One adventure a month with Brandon

January: Sycamore Mineral Springs & Avila Beach, San Luis Obispo.
February: Brandon’s first Race on the Base!
March: Seal Beach 5K.
April: WonderCon, Star Wars Celebration, and two rounds of Renaissance Faire.
May: Epcot and Kennedy Space Center, Florida
June: OC Night Market
July: We’re heading out to Brandon’s sister’s wedding in New Mexico.

So, we’re pretty much on track here adventure-wise. 🙂

HarLeia Quinn and Jokerlorian. Live from Star Wars Celebration 2015!

2015-04-05-Wondercon-Disney-Photoshoot-10 — Suit Up Disney is busy making business deals. Photo by Robert T Photography.

Read 12 books

I’ve developed a comic book habit, so this list is going to get a little more complicated. You wouldn’t think reading comic books should count as books, but when you read a series, it does take quite as much time. So, I’m just going to list everything together.

Currently: The Buried Giant – Kazuo Ishiguro
Ready Player One – Ernest Cline
Death of Wolverine – Charles Soule, Steve McNiven
Death of Wolverine: Deadpool & Captain America – Gerry Duggan
Ongoing – Thor (I’m on #6 and pissed about it.)
Ongoing – Harley Quinn New 52 (whenever it comes back)
Ongoing – Spider-Gwen (Well…not much longer. We’re not digging the direction of where this is going.)
Ongoing – Silk (…we like her more, actually.)
Incoming – Groot, drawn by one of my favorite people, Brian Kesinger!
Incoming – Mini Marvel, drawn by one of my favorite artists, Scotty Young!

I still have a bunch of classics I want to read on my shelf along with a few business books. Next on my list is finishing The American Gods before the TV series come out.

Now, back to you. What have y’all been up to these past 6 months?